Month: September 2016

Dear Readers,

Well, she is ALMOST here.. 39 weeks and 6 days…in the making!!!  WOW! We get to meet our daughter soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo soon.. but definitely not soon enough for this mama! I feel like a kid on Christmas morning.. I can’t wait to open this “present”! I want to capture all the feelings before I am so tired I barely know my own name… or am in pain or any of the things I am told are coming my way.

In part, I did that by giving this speech on Tuesday night- I wanted to talk about the evolution of going from “never ever ever ever ever do I want to be a parent” to where I am now, 39 weeks pregnant and DYING to meet my child!!  (here is that speech)

 

I feel a little like I JUST told all of you I was pregnant, and now it’s hard to move without thinking about how pregnant I really am, there is no denying, every time I get up, it’s like “oh hey that was not super comfortable”.. as I promised when I started this blog.. *4 years ago, to be honest) I am trying to be real with you.. I woke up 5 times, and had a VERY hard time getting up out of bed.

Today has been the hardest day thus far but honestly, if this is as bad as it gets the final week, I think I can handle it and be grateful for the other many days that have come before that were not like this. The itching of my entire body has been the MOST difficult symptom.. and when you consider all the other things that can be at play with pregnancy and complications, I feel very blessed. Thank you God! I also recommend that if you have any back problems, make sure you see your chiropractor because I definitely credit him with keeping me aligned and OUT of pain during the last 39 weeks!

If you are pregnant, you may want to take this piece of advice.. Control the flow of information and don’t be afraid to say, You know I think I want to find out on my own.. I didn’t let anyone tell me horror stories of their labor or delivery, .. they would start and I would hold up my hand and say, “Let’s compare notes when I have something to share”.. Say November? They would smile usually and change the topic .. all about the boundaries people.. Speaking of those boundaries.. here are some of the more common questions I get and for your amusement I will answer them.. (some of these may or may not be things I have thought but not actually said out loud.. I will let you be the judge!

“Are you ready”?

.. gosh that is a good one.. I don’t think you ever really get ready for something as big as this.. Yes we have a nursery, diapers, clothes.. and some baby thing…but don’t really feel ready…. some of my favourite speakers and writers talk about doing things BEFORE you are ready and that was true of my first paid speaking engagement so I guess it will be true of this as well.

“Are you tired of being pregnant?”

Well, yes and no. I waited so long to be pregnant that I am doing my best to “live in the moment” and enjoy every bit of everything that is happening. I am not saying “GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME”.. but it helps that I know an end date is not far away. Am I ready to meet my daughter? YOU BET! ^^^^ SEE ABOVE!

“Are you just miserable?” 

No. Overall I am (as my mom put it) “the happiest pregnant lady ever” — I am happy but it changes.. I won’t lie.. It can be uncomfortable at times, but it’s like anything else. You get used to the condition you are in and adapt.. or you are miserable and will complain to anyone who will listen — (anywhere in the middle is where one might fall) from what I am hearing from other ladies I know in this state.

“How do you feel?”

This one is hard because I know people are coming from a well-meaning place but this one seems to rankle me the most..No one seems satisfied with any answer I give. My mom’s favourite is, “with every nerve ending”…  If am not tired, they say oh really, that is odd, “My sister, aunt, cousin… etc didn’t experience that”.. anyway..

In truth, the way I feel varies from minute to minute — kind of the way I felt BEFORE I was pregnant.. 🙂 So I have some photos from the pregnancy, so highlights if you will as I take some time to reflect on the last 9 months, the thing I have been so grateful for is the love I feel and have been shown which has helped me to truly “live in the moment” and allow for things to “happen to me”.

So many people have said to Jeremy and I, you are going to be great parents and have been NOTHING but encouraging about the process for us, which helps us to feel as ready as we are going to, though wisdom does suggest “we have no idea what is on the way”… That is okay, we have each other, we love this baby and we don’t even know what she looks like yet, and we will as we always say to each other “Figure it out”.. we ALWAYS do.

Think about it…..!

Dear Readers,

I know, that seems an odd headline for a woman who has been sharing her fertility with you lo these many months now– but I read this the other day and I can’t shake the notion that everyone needs to read it. I wish to God, I had written it, but i did not.. here is the article.. https://nadirahangail.com/2016/05/25/mind-your-own-womb/

Here is the excerpt that really got me..

“Another woman: 40, one child. People say to her, “Only one? You never wanted any more?”

“I’m happy with my one,” she says calmly, a rehearsed response she’s given more times than she can count. Quite believable. No one would ever suspect that alone, she cries…

Cries because her one pregnancy was a miracle. Cries because her son still asks for a brother or sister. Cries because she always wanted at least three. Cries because her second pregnancy had to be terminated to save her life. Cries because her doctor says it would be “high-risk.” Cries because she’s struggling to care for the one she has. Cries because sometimes one feels like two. Cries because her husband won’t even entertain the thought of another. Cries because her husband died and she hasn’t found love again. Cries because her family thinks one is enough. Cries because she’s deep into her career and can’t step away. Cries because she feels selfish. Cries because she still hasn’t lost the weight from her from her first pregnancy. Cries because her postpartum depression was so intense. Cries because she can’t imagine going through that again. Cries because she has body issues and pregnancy only exacerbates it. Cries because she still battles bulimia. Cries because she had to have a hysterectomy. Cries because she wants another baby, but can’t have it.

These women are everywhere. They are our neighbors, our friends, our sisters, our co-workers, our cousins. They have no use for our advice or opinions. Their wombs are their own. Let’s respect that.”

I can’t tell you how many times that I heard the question, “when are you and Jeremy going to have kids?” after we were married and deflecting it with a smile and a ‘not sure’, or a shrug.. but really it came down to.. we weren’t ready to start trying yet.

I am older so it’s a factor to be considered.. in fact when we were engaged, smart man that he is, we even discussed that we might have to adopt and that was on the table too. My age turned out to be a bigger factor than I thought when I miscarried last year in March. I wish I could say that because I am days away from delivering our little girl that the pain of losing that first child isn’t still with me.. but I can’t. I am sad every time I think of what might have been and mourn the loss of that child. It’s extremely painful that it happened but in going through it, I have knowledge that I wish I didn’t.. and as a result I would never ask a question that made someone else feel pressured to reveal their own status (whatever it may be)

I am overjoyed that we have a child coming and fully aware that there are many women who would love to be in my shoes so I try to be sensitive to that before asking someone a careless question like, “no kids yet? or “only one?” “wow, five? how do you manage that?”

That is all to say that really at the end of the day, it’s no one’s business UNLESS We (the women in question) make it your business. As women, we worry far too much about being rude or hurting someone’s feelings at the expense of our own.. so much so, that I HESITATED to share this post…

If I CHOOSE to share with you that I am having a child (which by the way has tons of forms too) adopting, fostering, step-mothering, the list goes on) that is my business I choose to share.. It’s not your place to ask no matter how much you might think it will help. Trust me, if a woman wants to share, she will share and that is your opportunity to listen and offer hugs or a shoulder.

THINK ABOUT IT!

Dear Readers,

Today, I started thinking about what I was going to post about and I was originally going to call this post “Choices” but that seemed really nebulous given the specificity I was going to talk about.

So I set myself 4 major goals for this month (and last month) and the month before.

1. Walk steps or exercise at least three times a week.
2. Work on my French every day (tous les jours)
3. Do less drive thru and generally avoid the junk food.
4. Give myself grace for the fact that being pregnant means it takes me longer to do things.

So in three months I have gained ground on these goals but by no means am I doing them all every day…. and it reminds me that “progress not perfection” is the goal.

What does that look like, you ask? Well, this morning, I got up and got coffee but instead of getting a donut I had a banana. (less junk)

When I had my break, instead of doing Facebook, I did my French homework.

When asked to do something I would normally be able to do “no sweat” pre-pregnancy, I said no this time because it’s a little hard for me to move around easily right now.

This morning when I came in to work, I said hello to my team and then walked  down and then up 5 flights of stairs. Yep, I am bragging but it’s also important to note that each one of these things I did, I THOUGHT about it, before I did it. It required intentional thought.

This all boils down to choices. I got here early enough to be able to do those things. If I had been late, I would have been rushing to “get here” and not had the “time” to THINK about my choices before I made them.

My mom told me a few months back when I was struggling to not eat Taco Bell all the time to look at WHY I wanted it.. was it satisfying? was it tasty? or was it just THERE. In looking at it, I had to admit it was mostly there and convenient.

By no means do I have this wired, but days like this when I feel like a genuine amazeballs person (because I accomplished some goals) help me understand why those things are important to me.

How about you? What “perfection” do you need to let go of and maybe focus on the “progress” — One more thing.. before I go.. if you only make a little progress.. that is STILL further than you were before.. don’t bemoan the result, keep moving forward!

THINK ABOUT IT!