More often than not, I tend to “go for the pep talk” and “skip past the pain or the wallowing” or put another way.. “dismiss what’s really going on to jump to the fix”.
Rational and Logical? Yes. Always Possible? No.
Simply put, sometimes you need to cry. What you don’t need is some chirpy cheerleader telling you how “it could be worse” or “it’s going to be better soon” or some other such platitude.
As my friend put it, “It’s okay to cry”
It made me cry to hear that because it’s a piece of the puzzle missing from when I grew up. When he said it, it was like a dam burst inside me and I just let myself cry.
No one ever told me it was okay to cry.
Reading that, makes me pretty sad all over again, because how basic is that?
No one ever said it’s okay to cry. I wasn’t allowed to have my feelings.
It is, by the way.
It’s a great way to release toxins, stress, and moisture. Also it’s a way to really feel what you feel and not dismiss it in favor of “what’s next?”
So, this is me, telling you it’s okay to cry, and it’s okay to be upset.
Really, I mean it.
Whatever you are upset about, you are allowed to be upset about it.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t be or let them minimize your pain.
A few times last week as I prepared for a weekend off of doing nothing to celebrate my birthday… well sort of, I had some plans that needed to be organized.
I got a manicure and pedicure! (oh glorious pampering) so I had to schedule that along with childcare, so I had to find a time I was free and my husband was free to take care of Vivienne. Thankfully, I have a husband who understands the value of “me time”!
As I headed to the salon, I said, I will see you in 2 hours, I fully expected it to take an hour and a half, but it took 2 and a half hours, there were lots of people so it just took longer. I find that since having a child, I take longer to do things, like get myself ready, get her ready and get myself out the door and get her out the door. Never mind that we might have issues along the way like a diaper change gone wrong requiring a costume change, causing, you guessed it more delays.
I also had a phone call scheduled with a friend who is in a different time zone, once upon a time, she was in Switzerland and I was in Texas, so a few hours is nothing compared to almost 12 hours so I am not complaining. That’s what you do for friendship!
On yet another day, I was meeting a friend for dinner and there was a child driven delay, and so I texted her to say, can we meet a little later. She was very understanding and that is lovely, but I felt bad because I hate changing plans even by a little mostly because it takes so much coordination to make it happen. Refer to “Mom Bingo”
All of these plans have one thing in common, I am the one making them so I am in control of when they are and if I am on time or not.
I found myself apologizing for it the other day when I had an epiphany, all I had to do was add 15 minutes on to whatever time I was giving and then I would have a buffer built in for myself, traffic or other happenings. So simple and yet, it had NOT occurred to me till last week. So now in any plans I have made, I have given myself at least a 30 minute buffer so I have room to breathe!
Honestly, it’s the best gift I have given myself in a while.
How about you, dear reader? Do you give yourself a buffer? Should you?
Today I found myself in a situation with which I am painfully familiar.
Waiting.
The positive affirmation part of me wants to spin this and dismiss the frustration I am feeling but I am not sure people are always served by spin so here is the truth. Waiting is hard, it sucks, and it’s an inevitable part of life.
Now for a planner like me, this is frustrating. Even if you aren’t a planner like me, I think waiting as a rule sucks.
So, I will tell you that I have a great opportunity coming to me in the future, but I don’t have all the details AND, me being me, I still have to plan for it.
However as I have chronicled on this blog, since becoming a parent, I realize how important it is to be flexible and realize that the “plan” is not always the thing.
Then again, as a director, one of the best pieces of advice I ever got (thanks Bob Tolaro) was to work backwards from opening night so that is exactly what I am planning to do.
So bearing that in mind, I can plan for the event without knowing all the details.
The part of me that wants to spin is taking over now, so listen up.
There is definitely wonder in the waiting. Our pastor often talks about when you are anxious about something or “waiting” that you should look back on times that you felt the same and watched God deliver. It’s an excellent exercise to remind you to be grateful.
So I think back to other times I have “waited”.
When my parents were busy neglecting me and not caring that they had a flesh and blood human to care about, I waited for them to notice and care that I was hurting.
They didn’t. God put other people in my path that have truly shown me what love is and I call them family. God delivered, and I am immensely grateful.
When my boyfriend asked me to move in, I waited for him to change. He didn’t.
I eventually broke up with him because in the waiting for him to change, I realized I deserved WAY better than I was currently settling for and God definitely delivered. My husband, is not perfect, but he is perfect for me.
While we waited to get married, we spent time waiting ( 2 years as we planned and paid for the wedding ) I waited with great excitement and impatience for that day and it was truly wonderful. God delivered and then some. I can’t imagine a more beautiful wedding than ours. More than that, I have a loving partner and a strong marriage that we work on daily.
I remember waiting to have a child. I remember praying and hoping and waiting and I remember feeling so sad and lost when I miscarried.
One sentence doesn’t really do that justice so I have to say it still hurts the think about the baby we lost. In the waiting there was pain, loss, and anger. I remember praying to God again and waiting again and wondering if God would answer this time. My faith was strengthened when we discovered we were pregnant again and I spent some time being scared because for 25 weeks, I could not feel her move. The doctors saw it on the machines and all the numbers said she was there, but until I felt her move, I didn’t really believe it. Then when I held her in my arms for the first time, I didn’t really believe it and now each day goes by and she does another adorable thing that I can’t even really explain why it’s adorable but it is to me, I realized there is wonder in the waiting.
I find myself at it again, waiting for her to talk, sure she babbles, but no real connection to the words, and here is a great point. I get to wonder what she will say when she says her first word. I get to wonder what her favourite word will be and how often it will change. I get to wonder what she is thinking and watch and wait for her to communicate it. So just for now, I am going to do my best to focus on the wonder and less on the waiting.
How about you, dear reader? Is there something in your life you are waiting for? Is there an option to ponder the wonder instead?
A dear friend introduced “brokenness” as a theme for 2018 and I balked at that notion thinking to myself, “That’s a horrible way to start out the year. It’s broken at 10 days old? Ouch! That doesn’t leave a lot of room for redemption, or does it? ”
The question was then posed, Is brokenness good or bad?
I have to say I am struggling with this question.
I think a broken promise is something to avoid, but what if the promise is to yourself to work out twice a week and the broken promise is in aid of doing some self-care because you had a rough week at home, at work and at life?
Wouldn’t that be a good “brokenness”?
Brokenness would apply to someone who has been through hardship and difficulty in their relationships with their parents and one might say they are an example of brokenness, but in that brokenness, they rose up, they picked up the shattered pieces of their life and they built a stronger and more resilient version of themselves. Wouldn’t that be an example of a good thing to be broken?
Brokenness could apply to a relationship that you think is on good footing, maybe not perfect but certainly good, and then you realize through a series of interactions with this friend or this colleague that that relationship isn’t broken, it doesn’t exist. So in that case, brokenness is a good thing because it reveals something we think is there as not being there.
My opinion? Brokenness is not actually bad. It’s just something that happens. I think the thing that matters most is what we choose to do with it.
Will you leave it broken? Will you fix it? Should it be broken? Does it deserve to be fixed?
Only you can answer that question, so Brokenness, Good or Bad? The answer is entirely up to you.
I read about something Elizabeth Gilbert started back in 2013 and I got really excited so I wanted to share it with you. I feel like this is an easy easy easy easy thing to do. I love the internet. She did this 5 years ago and it’s still going.
Are you ready?
Write down one thing you are happy about and put it in a jar – The exercise I am going to be doing is on a daily cadence, but maybe you want to do it once a week? or once a month, that’s fine, it’s your happiness jar. You do what you want, I like
Yep, I have goals and resolutions for this year but somehow it feels like what we all might need is a little more happy.
My happy today? This idea, I have told a few people and they got excited and are talking about doing it.
What can you do to celebrate more highs and less lows this year?
Haston Helping Hands 