Month: June 2017

Dear Readers,

We hear a lot about “overnight success” but the truth is what we hear about is the “win” not the toiling of blood, sweat, and tears to get there. I will go one further, no one talks about the hours spent, the advice taken and the path walked to get to the “yes” after a whole lot of  “no”.

This picture captures a “yes” that took five years to get.

I’ll go a step further, in this culture, we really highlight the success and tend to ignore or minimize how hard it was and is to reach said goal.

For example, one of my friends has been job searching and pretty discouraged in the pursuit, she went on dozens and dozens of interviews, all the while cobbling together a living with part-time work to keep the home fires burning. She could have given up after that 25th interview, but she didn’t. She got help and coaching and feedback and kept searching to find the right job and just recently (after a year of a LOT of “no” she got a “yes” .

Take another friend who worked in a pretty difficult job for 3 years, all the while auditioning and looking for her “dream job”- She found it and started it recently.

Take my friend who is pregnant after doctors told her it wasn’t possible. She had a miscarriage and a lot of false positives and now is deliriously happy to be pregnant.

Still another has toiled in her job with micro-managing bosses and difficult conditions and after a solid two years of dues paying, she has found an opportunity that would not have come to her otherwise.

I know lots of people who are in their “pursuit” right now and getting chased down with “no” but please, dear friend, don’t lose faith, keep going, go on one more interview, go to one more audition, make one more phone call, your “yes” is on its way, I can feel it!

My friend getting his PHD is really working hard, he is getting close to his goal and finding it a little hard to keep going so he hasn’t not found
his “yes” yet but it’s en route.

Another friend recently got laid off, no warning, just job over. She is smart, strong and capable so I KNOW whatever she does next will be AMAZING, but she doesn’t know yet what it is, AND she’s in pursuit of it.

I am pursuing another “yes” right now. It’s my health. After my daughter was born, I promised myself I would make working out a habit and be in pursuit of health, not just for me, but for my daughter as well. I want her to take care of her body the moment she knows what it is to walk and run.

So the clock is ticking and I have to do what’s hard. Like getting up early to swim, or not eating the cookie every time it’s offered. Why?

So in her life, when she is challenged by something, I can say,

“You are pursuing your yes right now, that means you are right on schedule with that “no”

I can’t think of a more important lesson to teach her than that.

Think About It.

 

 

Dear Readers,

When I hesitated to write this blog, I knew how important it was to actually write it.

Our church has been doing a series on “How to be Married” and all the ways in which we communicate and deal with conflict and confrontation.

Guess what? I am not as good at this marriage thing as I once thought. That is a pride swallowing thing to admit but it’s true.

I am writing this with my husband’s permission- See, as much as my blog is about my life, this post is about our marriage and understanding that it’s not perfect. I think it is easy to view it that way or have that be the goal or have others think we are.

 

This picture sure makes us look perfect, but I assure you, we are not.

But we are not, we both lose our tempers and don’t always say the right thing and often say the wrong thing.

As it turns out, I am not the best listener when it comes to listening to my husband. I consider myself to be a very good listener and excellent communicator so this stings and required I look at that and figure out why I do it, but more importantly stop doing it.

Way easier said than done, I can tell you.

On his side, he has a habit of saying “always” and “never” which doesn’t focus on the specific situation at hand, therefore making it harder to uncover what’s really making him mad. He is working on this, now that we have both identified pain points.

Something interesting has happened for us.

After having a few “up-tempo” discussions, things are starting to get better and while not “perfect” (never the goal) things are definitely moving in the right direction and we are communicating better than we were before and that is saying something.

I think this progress is owing to the fact that my husband and I love each other very much and work hard at our marriage and it is work. I will say it again, Marriage is work.

I find this method to be very helpful for important communication- Married or not- Check it out-

 

So, in summary, nobody’s relationship is perfect and in the war against comparison, I implore you not to strive to “appear” perfect, trust me, no one is. And if they tell you they are, I promise they are lying.

Think About It.

 

Dear Readers,

I am on a crusade to stop judgment and comparison.

Join me, won’t you?

It’s easy, all we have to do is stop judging ourselves and each other. Okay, it’s not easy but it is simple. Right now, I am working REALLY hard on the first part, but it came as a BIG surprise to me this week, that the second part is pretty hard as well.

If you are anything like me, you don’t MEAN to judge people, you are a good and kind person, (most of the time) you help people when they ask for it, you might even give cash when you have it to a homeless person and you aren’t an evil person, but it’s hard NOT to compare because when you think about how babies occur in the universe, it’s “how big was he/she when born?” “boy or girl” “tall or short” “fat or thin”- Is she crawling yet? “Is she walking yet?” I was thinking about all this when I set out to write this post today..

Stop comparing. Stop it, just stop. It’s a big goal and sometimes feels impossible but it’s not. I view it as vital and as a way to help my fellow mom or dad enjoy their child and not compare them to one another.

It’s instantaneous and insiduous. The second that you find yourself in a conversation with another parent who does “parenting” differently than you do, e.g. “bedtime, that seems a little “early/late” you start to feel it, it creeps up your spine and starts to trickle in to your brain and you start to wonder.. Well should I do/think/worry about our daughter because…. this other person just told me about what they do. No. If you take nothing else away from this post at least take this statement. Your child was born with an embedded timeline, they will do things on that timeline, so try not to compare or worry when you find out your child is not crawling yet, but the same aged child down the block is doing it and has been for a few days, relax, your child will get there.

Now don’t get me wrong, conversations about what you do and don’t do  as a parent or even as a wife and mother can be great, cleansing even.. just don’t let the conversation turn into a comparison marathon.

Today is great example, I got some advice from another mother about teething, I can’t wait to try what they suggested to try to help our little girl. Just a week or so, I would have avoided that conversation because I wouldn’t want to admit I need help and this is hard. But today, a simple question, “how is your day going?” led to, “I am actually pretty tired because this morning at 3am Vivienne woke up wailing because she is in pain or having a nightmare or we don’t know what, just not happy and not consolable. We are spoiled rotten because typically she sleeps through the night, but last night this was not the case.”

The other person asking was a mother and sympathized and said, I remember those days, tough on mom and baby- here’s what I do, try it and good luck. I sighed and said, “thank you”.. see it was that simple no judgment, no comparison, one mother helping another out. I instantly felt better, and not judged.

You don’t have to be a Mom or Dad to feel this by the way, I post a I do every Friday where I say, what my High Friday is.. and I always have a least one person say, ”
I can’t compete with that… and then I explain.. no comparison here, tell us what you are grateful or or excited about. I think we could stand to do that more every day and that’s exactly what I am working toward.

What can you do to help me in my crusade to STOP THE COMPARING?

Think About It…….

 

 

 

Dear Readers,

In the fast-paced, ultra connected world we live in, it can be really hard to slow down and actually connect with another person. (mental note to self: Tweet that)

I was actually having coffee with a dear friend of mine tonight and we were both talking about how difficult and yet how easy it is to reach out and connect with someone you care about and take the time to grow the friendship and keep the contact current.

Think about it, when was the last time you thought, I really miss ________, and called them rather than send them a text or post on their Facebook wall? That is a nice gesture, but it’s passive, and I think we can do better, in fact I think we should do better.

An interesting point about our discussion tonight, It was a post on facebook that led her to know about a friend being in her neck of the woods, and so she reached out and said, hey, since you are nearby, let’s get together. So the use of social media connection, helped a contact happen. The same thing with a few other friends who are in different time zones, a few are internationally based. It’s worth it though, because we are BOTH making the time.

I am not saying social media or even text messages are bad, I am saying they pale in comparison to a good old fashioned phone call. When was the last time you actually picked up the phone and called someone? I know a text is easier and much more convenient, and in fact, I texted to set up the coffee tonight,  and it took some back and forth to find a good time that worked for both of us, but we did. I think this is a good example of a symbiotic relationship of phone, social media connection and Voila! Contact!

I know that we can’t all drop what we are doing to have coffee every night, no kids would be raised, or work would get done, but is there a friendship you are neglecting or maybe need to nurture, who you keep cancelling on but keep rescheduling? Think about the friendship and make a determination, is it there a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Then take some action.

Think about it!