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Dear Readers!

When I was in  my 20’s.. I loved the word the sorry and said it all the time. I felt apologetic most of the time, I also spent lots of time “checking in” to be sure people (friends and family) were not “mad” at me. Mad could mean, not talking very often or less connection. In my 30’s I started to realize how much we use it and don’t REALLY mean it.

Remember the words we use matter so now approaching my 40’s I find it important to REALLY mean “sorry” when I say, “I am sorry”- So here is the definition to get us all on the same page-

Merriam Webster defines sorry as:  feeling sorrow, regret, or penitence

Now, think about the last time you said sorry.. “Sorry I haven’t called, I have been busy” or “Sorry about not taking the trash out” or “Sorry, I can’t make it to your party/happy hour/event” — Ask yourself, did you really feel sorrow or regret or is it a knee jerk social construct that we are all so locked into that we don’t even know when we are saying it ?

I HATE that “sorry not sorry” thing that has grown in popularity, and I truly think that it has grown out of how much we are saying sorry when it is not really necessary.

There are plenty of times when we are duty bound to apologize. It’s not really that often, I hope, and I definitely know when I have screwed up, and it’s time to apologize.

I can’t speak for any of you of course, I can only tell you about my experience.

This post was inspired by some conversations and text messages that have been sent my way of late. A prime example of when a “sorry” is not needed  if you and I are friends and we are both busy and can’t connect at this moment, I don’t need or want, “sorry” What I want is a promise to reconnect or a hi, wish we could talk, looks like you are busy. (all true statements).  What is the point, you may ask?

Simple. Please think about how often you say sorry (examples above are not exhaustive) and then the next time you think you will say it, stop and think about it… is it really necessary for you to feel sorrow, regret or penitence?

Think about it…..

 

Dear Readers,

My husband and I are new parents and as such, we are learning what it takes to care and feed a newborn child without losing our sanity in the process, no easy task. I chose this picture to go along with this post, because it doesn’t tell the full story, it only shows you the half of it. The following is the other half, the not so perfectly posed half. Here goes….

My husband had a few days off and I am on maternity leave so we got the bright idea to take a road trip to New Orleans- my hometown. We had no idea what was in store for us as we wended our way to the Big Easy, (What a misnomer)

First of all, the trip which normally takes 9 hours, took 12.  We stopped off in Houston to drop off our dog with the pet hotel since we figured traveling with a dog AND a baby would be too much and so we dropped her off for her own vacation. There were a few stops that were unscheduled because the child needs to eat, who knew! I am joking of course, I know my child needs to eat, but I wasn’t prepared for the amount of stops that would be added to our itinerary.

So we got in to New Orleans about 9pm on Monday, and stopped by to see my Mom, and had the ambitious plan to stroll the French Market and then meet her for lunch the next day… easy right? No, not easy at all… and in fact rather impossible.

The next morning, we awoke and showered to prepare for our day.

We got a late start because thankfully she slept through the night which meant Mom and Dad also got a full 8 hours (YAY, no small feat… when this happens we always thank God (loudly and lustily).  We noticed Vivienne needed a bath so we got the bright idea to give her a bath, but though we packed seemingly everything under the sun that was hers, we did NOT pack her special baby soap, so we used my soap which is Argan Oil based. I figured it was organic so should be fine, right? Wrong. No sooner did we get her out of the tub and onto the towel, she started to get red dots on her skin… and the baby is screaming.

We immediately freak out and my husband hotfoots it to the nearest pharmacy to buy Baby Benadryl, and called our pediatrician on the way who told him to not panic and keep an eye on her, if she got swelling in her mouth or her tongue or her throat, then we should bring her to the Emergency Room, and she told him NOT to give the baby Benadryl… and the baby is screaming.

By the time he got back to the room, she had calmed down and magically had no red spots anywhere, so we can only conclude that it might have been a mild allergic reaction which upon further reflection could have been the soap, the towel, or any number of things. Remarking to ourselves that we overreacted and with the crisis averted, we breathed a collective sigh of relief and headed to the Ruby Slipper for a late brunch. It was tasty and delicious and our server delightful, we then headed to the French Quarter for some shopping. We found a little dress shop that had several things that piqued my interest, and since I’m on the hunt for a good vintage dress I started to pick through my options. I am just starting to try on a really gorgeous velvet number when the baby starts screaming for food.

My husband is a good sport and takes her outside to feed her, (thinking there would be a bench somewhere but no there is not)… he walks back into the shop… and the baby is screaming.

Jeremy: “Babydoll, where is the bottle for her? I see milk but no bottle?”

Jennifer: (rather impatiently) “It’s in the diaper bag” – Pause.

Jeremy: “Um no, it’s not”

Jennifer: “Here give me the bag, I’ll get it”… and the baby is screaming

As you may have surmised, the bottle is NOT there, so Jeremy being a problem solver heads to the Walgreens (you guessed it, up a few blocks and over) to buy a bottle so he can feed our child – and while he is doing that I decide that I am going to buy a dress hopefully making this bad moment worth it. I am all ready to head to the counter and then I realize, when he left with the baby, he took my wallet with him. UGH… So I decide that I will head to the pharmacy to get it, but when I get to the pharmacy and can’t find either of them, and start to panic. I call them on my phone… and the baby is screaming

At this point, I put two and two together and realize there is no way on God’s green earth we are going to make lunch with my Mom. I call her and being the wise and understanding soul she is, says, “Let’s do dinner instead!” so that helped immensely.

We proceed to the French Market and while many things struck my fancy, nothing called to me and said, “Jennifer, you must buy me” so I didn’t. We both talk about being tired and since it’s a 30 minute walk back to our hotel and my feet are REALLY hurting, my sweet and thoughtful husband suggests I get an Uber to go back to the hotel, get the car and come pick them back up. I seize on this suggestion and hop in the Uber, we agree to meet at Ursulines and Chartres in about 20 minutes. Sounds easy enough right? Well it would have been if I hadn’t left my cellphone in the Uber!!!!!!!!!! I realize it as I am getting in our car and reach for my phone to call them, I immediately start back to that corner, but they aren’t there. They could not have gotten far, I wasn’t gone that long, I circle the block, once, twice.. not there and I don’t have a way to communicate since I do NOT HAVE MY PHONE!.

If I had thought clearly (and as you can likely tell I wasn’t) I would have gone to our hotel (which would have solved all my problems since the driver was nice enough to see that I left my phone and brought it to the front desk) to use their phone but by this point I am frantic and terrified that I have lost them. I asked three different people on the street if I could use their cell phone (either I seemed crazy or they truly didn’t have a  phone to lend but I doubt it)  before I got the idea to go to a bar and call him from the phone.  However, his phone number is not local, so luckily a waitress at Checkpoint Charlie’s lent me her cellphone, and I called my husband’s number (luckily I have it memorized) but he did not answer. Lucky for me, he did call back immediately… and the baby was screaming.

You will be glad to know there is a happy ending to this… we were together and had beignet at Cafe Du Monde (they are delicious) but even more so when accompanied by the knowledge your husband and child are safe and sound.

So what did I learn from this experience?

1. When you have a child, EVERYTHING takes longer than you think.
2. Give yourself grace, things aren’t going to go as planned more often than not.
3. Double check that you ALWAYS have a bottle.
4. Marry a great partner who is understanding and resourceful.

THINK ABOUT IT!

 

 

Dear Readers,

I think back on my life before Vivienne and how little I treasured sleep. I mean, I always made a big deal about having it.. and so much so that my darling husband has dubbed “letting Jennifer sleep in” as a sixth love language.. but really in the end I completely took sleep for granted. Allow me to explain.. there is no time (the baby is about to wake up, not really but you get my point) so let me sum up.

In early childhood, when my parents wanted me to take naps, I would fight it and I also hated going to sleep at night, I didn’t treasure sleep.

When working three jobs so I could afford to move to Austin from New Orleans and having late night dinners with friends to strengthen those bonds before leaving, I didn’t treasure sleep.

When in college and pulling all-nighters to write papers or stay up all night with coffee and existentialist conversation, (not a euphemism, not a big drinker or party animal) I didn’t treasure sleep.

While loading in or striking a show set, and then going to Star Seeds or Kerbey Lane to celebrate in pre-show or post-show camaraderie, I didn’t treasure sleep.

When we were getting out of debt and I worked three jobs, and took the occasional day off, I certainly did not treasure sleep.

Also, any time I stayed out late to “sing one more song” at the karaoke bar, I didn’t treasure sleep. As counterpoint to that, any time I GOT UP EARLY- (GASP!) I didn’t treasure sleep!

To be SUPER DUPER CRYSTAL clear, I don’t regret any of that, it’s led to AMAZINGLY deep and important friendships and a lot of laughter.. You know the kind where you can’t breathe for a second.. yep, that’s the one. But, I do wish I had slept a little more… just a little.

I can assure you that within the last two months, I have truly treasured any and all sleep I can get. Sometimes it’s as little as ten minutes, and sometimes when I am TRULY blessed my husband will take over and I get four hours.. It’s glorious to feel that relief come over me as I can truly relax and go to sleep and not “be listening and waiting for her to wake up” because he is on duty.. (thanks Dad!). I wake up so refreshed and feeling brand new, shiny and sparkly –I really don’t have words to describe it, it’s downright miraculous!

I was reminded of how precious this thing we call sleep is and how much I neglected to treasure it because yesterday I didn’t get any sleep at all, because our darling daughter did not go to sleep (as she usually does at her normal time haha) I am rapidly learning, she has her own schedule and Mommy is adapting.. since there is not a way to rationally discuss this with a 2 month old. It’s one thing to talk about this stuff BEFORE the baby gets here.. and quite another to do it when the child is crying and nothing you do settles her enough to sleep..or nothing worse than when you put her down in the crib thinking she is OUT and literally 2 minutes later..Guess what? .. she is COMPLETELY AWAKE.  Blissfully, she is sleeping now, and I am about to go SLEEP…..

Sweet, lovely, neglected sleep, can you ever forgive me for not treasuring you as I do now? One day, far into the future, I will have this conversation with my daughter, and hopefully she can have a better relationship with you than I have and in the meantime, I plan to make amends and NEVER take you for granted again.. EVER.

If you have the chance to sleep, I sincerely hope you take it! 🙂

Think about it!

 

 

Dear Readers,

Billy Joel’s “You May Be Right” plays over speakers as I contemplate what to order for my first solo breakfast since I had my daughter 7 weeks ago. It’s a reminder of the upcoming concert I will attend in December. More exciting to think today also marks one YEAR of debt freedom. So you could say it’s our Debt Free Birthday….. at least that is what I am calling it.

You may not be familiar with this term but it’s something I am starting… birthday, anniversary.. all of these are very important dates but this one marks the day my husband and I became debt free because we made our final payment to his car. It’s easy to look back and say, that was easy .. Oh, but it wasn’t.. we had fights about money and up tempo discussions leading to eventually very calm budget meetings about money.. we both worked extra jobs (at one point we both worked at Applebees, him as a server, me as a hostess)  and said no to going out to eat and trips and outings we wanted to take part in, but you know it was completely worth it.. you want to know one of the reasons why?

We were about two months away from making our final payment when I saw Billy Joel tickets go on sale. You need to know, I am a BIG fan. I love all his songs, even the classical music stuff he put out during the later years of his career. In fact, I may or may not have planned to have him play at our wedding but sadly our $4,600.00 wedding budget did not cover his fee. So I was really excited he was in concert and just 3 hours away. Part of budgeting our money means discussing anything we purchase over 50.00 and we were soooooooooooooooooooooo close to being done with all the debt payments.. FOREVER, (200.00 AWAY IN FACT) I thought.. what is the harm, so I brought it to the table as a possible option. Jeremy and I discussed it and we eventually decided this was a great time to practice “delayed gratification” and he very memorably said, you know what it’s going to come around again and this time you will be able to fully enjoy it and not worry about being short a payment before we were done paying everything off. (yes I know, first world problem for sure.. but hey, it’s my blog so I get to talk about what I want to talk about)

So for me, It was a bitter pill to swallow..  Then…

Now a year later, there are so many rewards to celebrate about our debt freedom since it manifests itself is small ways every day.. but here are a few highlights-

• After wanting a dog for over 6 years, we rescued one because we could AFFORD it
• We budget and we think about money, but we no longer WORRY about money
• We don’t have monthly payments except rent and utilities
• We can be generous with our money and time
• The accomplishment of a MAJOR goal which strengthens our bond as a couple
• We can give to causes that matter to us

but they all pale in comparison to this…

The most rewarding thing about debt freedom is that my husband is going to stay home and take care of our daughter when I go back to work in the new year.

When I got pregnant, we started talking about what we would do for child care- We started doing the math and figured out that it just made sense economically and emotionally. I am OVERJOYED that our daughter will get to be with her Daddy during this crucial time of development and bonding.

Can I tell you this wasn’t even on our radar last year when we got out of debt, because there wasn’t a baby yet or even on the way. We were delighted to find ourselves pregnant and expecting a beautiful baby girl after our miscarriage in March of last year.

But now, we have a beautiful baby girl who we love and want to give her the best life possible but that doesn’t mean give her everything she asks for.. (no brats on board, thank you very much!) but then again, we have already set ourselves up to give her the best gift. She will NEVER know the scourge of debt and to me that is best gift that we could EVER give her. I am thankful to God, because there were so many things that happened along the way that could only be pointed to as God-given. He blessed us in many ways including great friends in the journey along the way. I hope and pray we get to pay it forward to others.

Am I bragging?  you bet your sweet fanny I am- We worked HARD and yes we had help but it was not easy so I don’t want to give you that impression. I am ALSO telling you this story because I think it can be applied to any major goal.. your health, your job, your (fill in the blank) and it takes determination and hard work and a lot of prayer not to mention flexibility because things so often do not go to plan. I suggest if you are working towards a Big Hairy Audacious Goal that you enlist some help and ask for advice from experts.

Yep, I said it.  Ask for advice because to accomplish something big you will need help.

Think About It….

 

Dear Readers, I sit here at 6:19 am listening to the grunts and gurgles that indicate my six week old daughter is starting to wake up, but not quite so that gives me a few minutes (time is precious) to tell you my thoughts on this.. Election Day. As someone who writes and speaks to help others make their dreams a reality, one of the hallmarks of my coaching is that “no one has a voice like you”.. Put in simpler terms, your words, your inflection, your story.. no one else can tell your STORY but you. For example, I can talk about having no political leanings at all for a really long time, and only after educating myself on the issues in this election do I KNOW where I stand.

I have heard a LOT of people rail against the idea of voting at all .. third party candidate can’t possibly win so why would you “waste” your vote that way. Not to mention, some comment I read.. “only suckers vote on election day”.. well no, the only suckers out there are the ones who aren’t voting though they have the right.

So what am I saying? I think it’s pretty clear. Go Vote! We may not agree on who you should vote for, but I think we can all agree you should vote. Why else would I be leaving my daughter with her daddy so I can go vote this morning. Yep, I should have early voted, but I will happily stand in lines today to exercise my right as an American to vote. I am REALLY not proud of the following confession but before this election, I didn’t really APPRECIATE what it is to vote, the privilege and the duty (that is more my husband (who is as patriotic as they come) – but given the fact that the two of us have recently brought a human into this world, I feel a stronger duty to be informed and exercise every right I have.

I  fervently hope we make history today by electing a qualified and worthy presidential candidate, but at the end of the day, I want to be sure the most important thing is that you voted and lifted your VOICE to share with the world, your CHOICE, whether I agree with you or not. I am put in mind of a great line from “The American President” (thank you Aaron Sorkin for helping me put this in the best way I can) that illustrates this beautifully.

“America isn’t easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, ’cause it’s gonna put up a fight. It’s gonna say “You want free speech? Let’s see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who’s standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.”

THINK ABOUT IT.. but more importantly, go VOTE!

 

 

 

Dear Readers,

When I got pregnant, I realized I was going to need help. I asked people who have children what their advice was (carefully, because I didn’t want so much advice that I would be overwhelmed by it!

The thing I heard most often was, “take time for yourself” and “sleep when the baby sleeps” – I have been following that one pretty well, but today I hit a wall. I had been unable to sleep for over 24 hours and my husband was out of town for the day, so while we had been trading off and tag teaming care.. he was not able to help last night or the night before so today when he got home, I made up my mind, I was going to hand him our little girl and go do something alone and just for me. But when he got home, I started to feel ashamed that I needed help. Jeremy asked me, are you okay, I didn’t answer and instead started to think about the next cycle of feeding, for her, for me.. and then all of sudden it hit me. I would tell anyone else if they needed help to simply ask.. so why oh why couldn’t I take my own advice? I called a friend and asked if she was free, she was and so I handed the baby to my husband, took a shower and then went to hang out with my friend for some blissful time away. It was just a few hours, but such a tonic for me. Or as another friend once said about me, “yoga for my brain”… and it was.

It begged the question.. why was it so hard to ask my husband (who is a wonderful and supportive man) for help? he was offering it, and I still had trouble accepting it. I guess I didn’t want to admit the hard and ugly truth. That this is hard. She isn’t even teething or potty training or in her terrible twos.. but the constant NEED is hard to fill. I don’t hear people talk about that very often so I am doing it now. I want to say this because it’s hard to admit it, it’s way easier to focus on how much I love her and how cute she is and take pictures of the good. There isn’t really a picture of a 2am feeding when she just won’t go to sleep, because who wants to focus on that.. but it’s reality and I think it’s good to talk about both sides. It’s not only okay to ask for help, it’s essential.

Thinking back on on other times I needed help, when I started acting, I hate to admit it.. but I needed help with that too, so I took lessons. Singing? you guessed it, I looked around and found a great vocal coach who I trust and who got me ready for my audition for “The Voice”. It doesn’t stop there. When I started walking I got accountability partners, we also worked weekly on goals and did check ins with each other (also known as HELP). When I decided I wanted to give a Ted Talk, what did I do? I asked for help, I went to Toastmasters and started opening myself up to any and all opportunities to do public speaking.. I needed and asked for HELP.

Before I asked for help in any of those situations, I remember the feeling of not wanting to ask for help and doing everything for myself! (I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!) turns out that it’s essential to ask for help in order to be a good mom too. I am sharing this in hopes that it helps another highly independent woman take a break and ask for help or space when she needs it.

I know that I will be building in breaks for myself as we move forward in this marathon of parenting.

What do you need help with today? How will that make your life easier?

Think about it…

Dear Readers,

I usually get ideas for my blog when talking to friends or seeing something online that I am passionate about. A few weeks ago I posted about “my womb, my business” and today when talking with a REALLY good friend (you know who you are) I realized all over again how their fertility is really not my business unless someone volunteers information or asks for my advice. We talked about the fact that even though we are close and share a lot.. this is a topic we don’t discuss and I would not ask about it.. as I realize it’s NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

I am astounded at the amount of strangers who inquire into things that are NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. Including the woman who came up to me two days ago and asked me what we pay in rent! I think, as women, we tend to think, “I have to be nice” or “I don’t want to be rude” to this perfect stranger.. so we answer them or we smile politely and demur quietly. NO MORE. NO is in fact, a complete sentence, you can say it with your body language and you can also change the subject or ignore the question.

Even worse though and much harder to deal with is the family member or friend who asks you a question that to a stranger, it’s one minute and over .. but with a family member it’s stickier because you don’t want to “offend” or “upset” them by being withholding.. but truly.. it’s NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS either. I am not saying be rude, but think about what you want to say, and how much you want to share (IF ANYTHING) and remember your boundaries are the most important thing. IF your answer is, “I prefer not to discuss it” stick with that and don’t waver. For you reading this, if you are tempted to ask one of those seemingly harmless questions, please think twice and ask instead, “How are you?” or talk about something going on with you, I promise you, the person you are talking to would far rather talk about something you WANT to share, rather than something they DON’T want to talk about. Trust me, if they want to share with you, they will.

For instance, though I am intimate friends with someone and see her happily married, it’s NONE OF MY BUSINESS if they are trying to have kids, want to have kids or even if they hate kids and don’t want them at all.

Also, if two of my friends are together and happy, it’s NONE OF MY BUSINESS to ask so, when are you two getting married? (no matter how long they have been dating)

Also, if you see a friend with a baby, and you are curious if they are working towards another.. (say it with me) It’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You don’t know what someone is going through or has gone through. Your “innocent” question might just put them into a very awkward position of not answering you or searching for words to say when what they want to do is cry.

I think too often, women in particular, myself in specific, feel pressure to answer the question that is asked.. no matter how much it’s NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. A few months ago, I saw a woman handle this beautifully, someone asked me about how I was feeling, (7 months and visibly pregnant) I said, “you know, tired and achy” and the person then turned to someone I was sitting next to (who I did not know) and said “So how about you and ____, when are you two going to get going on babies, kind of laughing as she said it.. (which suggests to me she was uncomfortable asking in the first place) This woman took a deep breath and said quietly, “That’s none of your business” and got up and walked away.

I don’t know her situation, but I know that she has a firm grip on her boundaries and at the end of the day, It’s NONE OF MY BUSINESS what her situation is. I salute her and and other women like her and I aim to be more like them.

As you might imagine, I am getting tons of questions as a new mom, and some i am choosing to answer or address, but I know MY boundaries and I encourage you to examine your own so you aren’t caught unawares when and if someone tries to encroach on yours.

THINK ABOUT IT.

 

 

Dear Readers.

I have been a mother for about two weeks. It is becoming very clear to me what is needed at this time of transition. Support- however you define it and it varies from person to person, but support is crucial.

Support.. whether that is someone taking care of your dog so you can be at the hospital learning to take care of your new baby and working on healing yourself.

Support, is your friend thinking she “might” be sick and staying away till she KNOWS she is not, though she wants to see you, she knows it’s better for your baby and you to not take the chance.

Support, is your mom coming to see you and do things with you (forcing you to get OUT OF THE HOUSE and let your husband take care of the baby).. but doing what she does best and that is to be HERE so you and your husband can get out of the house and have a night off from parenting.

Support, in the form of people bringing you food, or sending you things they SWORE by when they first became mommies because they are in a position to KNOW what you might have missed when figuring out what YOU needed in the rush to get things ready for the baby’s arrival.

Support, in the form of people getting flu shots (I HATE needles) because they want to respect your boundaries and wishes concerning your new life.

Support, in the form of someone sending  a text message or leaving a voicemail to say, “how’s it going?” “Can I do something?” “What can I do” and making offers like, “I can do your laundry if you want to nap while I am visiting”

Support, is your aunt sending you her homemade cookies and telling you about her own daughter and her struggles with new motherhood, because while it’s beautiful and wonderful, it’s also tiring and difficult, but I am learning this is a marathon not a sprint, so I am approaching it the same way.

If I was training for a marathon, I would take it one day at a time, I am pretty far from that at the moment, but the metaphor still applies.  For instance, right now I am focusing on taking care of me, then taking care of her, in that order. I have to take care of myself and be sure I am healing and resting so I can be in the best shape possible to take care of her. That’s my job right now, taking care of me, to take care of her. It’s that simple and that difficult.

In your life, there is someone who needs support. If you are anything like me, I love to support people, so isn’t it ironic that when I need it.. it’s the hardest thing to ask for and the easiest gift people can give.

Think About It… .

Dear Readers,

It still blows my mind that this beautiful miracle came from my body. I know that is how it works.. but it still moves me and I am awed and inspired by this incredible miracle and responsibility that has been bestowed upon me and my husband.

Well, I have been a mother for exactly 10 days and already there are plenty of people, websites and books that suggest I am doing it “wrong”..So what do I say to that?

So far, nothing out loud.. sometimes I smile and politely say nothing. In the case of the websites I close the window and say.. well, that was crap, I have definitely noticed that there is a direct correlation between a belief that something is wrong, or not the “right way” and there are JUST as many sources to tell you why it’s right and vice versa.

I would let that get me down except I have a stronger voice inside of me saying, “I reject your shame and I am her mother so I am choosing to pick her up when I think she needs to be picked up and feeding her when I see fit. Am I sure that’s right? Of course not, but I need to choose and be responsible for my own choices as her mom.

In a way, it’s kind of a throwback to the days when I was directing my first show and realizing how many people had opinions (shocking) about what the scene needed, or who should play what role or where that prop needed to go. But at the end of the day, It was MY vision that mattered.  Unquestionably, the stakes are much higher on this. I am truly blessed that I have a wonderful partner helping me and loving our daughter and doing all we can do to be GREAT parents. There is no doubt that we will do this very well together.

I think the pull to be “perfect” is what curses most people because if you are anything like me (and I am finding in my conversations with others most of you are) that we all want to be that perfect mom who feeds their child organic food (or only breast feeding) no formula.. or not having a c section cause it’s not the “natural way” to bring a child into the world.. or opting to have the epidural.. or dresses their baby in the perfect outfit to be featured on Instagram and uses cloth diapers.. etc.. or whatever your vision is of “perfect” might be.. but truthfully, the only thing you can do is what you can do.. and that is go with your newly installed “mother instinct” and trust that you are doing what’s right for your child RIGHT now. While on the subject, don’t compare yourself to anyone either.. what is right for you for your child is going to vary greatly from mother to mother. I am learning that.. one minute at a time.

Important to note, as new parents, we KNOW that we will make mistakes but aiming at the good and the careful feeding and nurturing of our child being our goal, I don’t think we can go wrong, and of course, continuing to listen to OUR inner voice that tells us what to do.

Think twice before giving some advice to a new mom or dad and offer to hold the baby or let them take a nap or a shower or offer to make them some food.. think about what you can do to help,  and be sure to say.. “you are doing a great job” because I promise you, they are questioning every thing they are doing and just need your love and support in these early days.

Think about it….