Haston Helping Hands

Dear Readers,

I am honored to have my husband post on my blog.

I pledge allegiance
To the flag
Of the United States of America
One nation
Under God
Indivisible
With Liberty
And Justice
For All

Those words have defined, for many years, what this country was “supposed” to stand for. Unfortunately, for many Americans, those words rang hollow, and still do. For many Americans, they have never truly known the America that was “supposed” to be. 

I am a white, Christian, straight male living in America. This country is my home. And I have always been proud to call it that. Until I learned the truth. And that truth is that it’s only “my home”, because I am a white, Christian, straight male. For people who aren’t those 4 things, their experience in this country has been VASTLY different than mine. This country has not been “home” to them. 

This country has let them down. There is less “liberty and justice” for women, for POC, for LGBTQ+ people, for Muslims or Athiests, for ANYONE who isn’t a white, Christian, straight male. 

It is not “Liberty and Justice for All” when a black man is gunned down by two white men, on camera, and they aren’t arrested until 3 months later. Flip that scenario, and I guarantee the outcome would be different.

It is not “Liberty and Justice for All” when two Hispanic women are facing 180 days for taking hair dressing and nail clients, while a white woman gets sentenced to one week, and then has the state Attorney General suggest that she shouldn’t even serve that.

It is not “Liberty and Justice for All” when adoption agencies are allowed to deny couples the chance to step into an orphans life, simply because they are gay. 

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1116266#aoh=15889948150893&csi=1&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&amp_tf=From%20%251%24s

It is not “Liberty and Justice for All” when women are discouraged from reporting sexual abuse, because colleges are no longer required to take the accusations seriously.

Those are just some very recent examples of ways that this country has let marginalized people down. I could list more, but we would be here for a very long time.

So what do we do? I don’t know. I want to know how to help. And I’m tired of using my privilege to ignore the problem because it doesn’t affect me. I want to use my privilege to help. I want to be, in the words of Luvvie Ajayi, author of “I’m Judging You”, an accomplice, not an ally.

With Liberty and Justice for All. That should be our mission. That should be what we strive for. And I am truly deeply sorry for the years that I wasn’t striving for it. I realized a little while ago that it’s not enough to not intentionally be racist/sexist/homophobic/etc. You have to intentionally be NOT those things. And that’s what I’m trying to do. That’s what all of us white, Christian, straight males should be trying to do. So I’m going to listen to people who are “other” than me. Try to find out how I’ve unintentionally hurt people. And apologize for it, with the understanding that my apology doesn’t HAVE to be accepted. As my Pastor Chris puts it, when you’ve hurt someone, they now have the choice to forgive you or not.

With Liberty and Justice for Some isn’t good enough anymore. Let’s fix it.

For more from Jeremy Haston- https://itsmybossismydaughter.wordpress.com/2020/05/09/with-liberty-and-justice-for-some/

Dear Readers,

There are a lot of people dying and not enough people are talking about that. According to Reuters there have been 251,000 deaths as of today, 5/5/2020. The absence of that statistical information in our daily newsfeed is terrifying.

It’s hard to find bright spots and silver linings in such a dark time, and it’s a coping mechanism for me, so here goes. This is a great time to reset some boundaries.

For your own safety, you have to set boundaries for how close someone can be in your proximity so why not use this opportunity to set other boundaries as well?

Just because some ignorant people decided it was okay for all of us to leave our homes and start the process of reopening sans the support of science, does not mean you have to follow their foolish example. Wear your mask, and insist on social distance as you continue to do your part to “flatten the curve” by staying home as much as you can, limiting your outings to work (if you are considered essential like me) and grocery. And when you, do, wear a mask.

At this time, when we are doing “Zoom” up the wazoo, and everything is virtual, we need to set very real and tangible boundaries.

Just because you get an invite to a Zoom event, does not mean you have to click “Join” – I know it sounds crazy and you can say “No” or not attend. (It might be worth examining ALL the work meetings too, but most of them I get you have to go to those.

“Just because we are all at home, does NOT mean we are all AVAILABLE.” Professor Haston

Sounds simple, and the pressures to keep saying yes are causing us to be busier than ever and it’s making us frustrated and has us feeling overwhelmed or feel like we have to “be productive” in quarantine— on that—-

I can’t speak for you, but it doesn’t take a lot to make me cry these days or perceive slights that are not really there. I am working overtime to “respond” and not “react” – It’s hard, y’all.

Yes, we are more sensitive these days, and it’s okay and expected and normal. Which is why it’s even MORE important we step back and say no when we need to.

The Centers For Disease Control have done their part, now it is time for you to do yours.

What boundary do you need to set?

Think About It.

Dear Readers,

I could go on and on about why this is a good idea, but as they say, “a picture is worth a thousand words”

Well, here are two-

I really feel like the Centers For Disease Control are doing all they can to keep us safe, so the VERY LEAST we can do is wear a mask.

So, wear a mask, and protect everyone else around you including you, because the life you save COULD be YOURS.

Think About It.

Feel your feelings!!!

Dear Readers,

Pissed off? Frustrated? Tired? Angry? Sad? Depressed? Scared?

Good. That means you are alive, human, and breathing.

This week’s blog is all about me giving you permission to get all up in your feelings and feel how you feel.

I heard an awesome interview with Brene Brown who was talking to Marc Brackett about his new book, “Permission To Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive.

who was explaining that the feelings we have are also tied to the feelings we have about the feelings we are having, it gets complicated in a hurry.

For example, if you feel irritated and frustrated that you are having to teach your kid, and then feel guilty for feeling that way because “at least you have a job thatand you “should” feel grateful….

Um, no. Humans are much more beautiful and complex than that. Did you know you are capable of feeling BOTH those things, literally in the same minute or even second?

Case in point, a few weeks ago, when I burned this cup of macaroni and cheese in my microwave,

I was

1. Scared it was in fact on fire. The smell was dramatic.

2. Irritated at the notion I would have to clean it up and make more.

3. Relieved that there was not a fire.

4. Filled with shame because I was feeding myself and kid the macaroni and cheese rather than something healthier or more substantial. *writers note to parents reading this* – I am not judging you if you do this, I am judging myself.

Also, we have so many strictures in place right now, telling us what we can and CAN NOT do, I really think it’s okay to feel how you feel and feel the way you feel about it. Really go ahead, feel all your feelings.

Think About It.

Dear Readers,

The internet is rife with bloggers and authors telling you how to fill your time, (what time????)

So, my blog this week is about recounting the little things that made me happy, and I invite you to count with me.

I was busy and preoccupied so put a container sans water in my microwave. It could have caught fire and didn’t, so YAY!

My company asked the kids to write thank you notes to the “essential employees” and these are just a few.

My husband helped set up a virtual happy hour for me and some of my friends. Glad we have a laptop so we could do that.

Right now, it can be a really hard thing to keep the “little things” in mind, and truly it’s what keeping me sane right now, along with the mantra, “This will not last forever.

Tell me what you are doing to cope, and share any mantras or mechanisms you find helpful or even some things you have tried that failed.

As fellow writer Jon Acuff likes to say. “Now is a great to me to be terrible at something new”

Tell me something new you are doing.

Think About It.

Haston Helping Hands

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