Haston Helping Hands

Dear Readers,

As a Mom, I am learning that patience is a big part of this role. It also means asking for what you want. The other night, I got home and my husband let me know that he needed some “me time”.

My response was unbridled excitement! See the picture below? (unbridled excitement)

Okay, not so much my first reaction.

I will admit that my initial reaction was annoyance, but I waited to share my response which was excitement. You know why? Annoyance because I was looking forward to “family time” but after I thought about it, I got really excited about him asking for “me time” for himself. Do you know why? This next part is going to make him sound like a saint and he hates when I talk about him like this.. but I am going to do it anyway.

My husband RARELY complains. I mean it, he just doesn’t.

Even in the early days of our courtship, he worked two jobs and always made time for us to be together, despite us having polar opposite schedules.. (Literally, I would head out for the day and he was heading in to the house) – It was a tough time and I did a lot of complaining about it. We went through something similar early in our marriage when we were working 5 jobs between us to get out of debt. He still didn’t complain and learning from his example, I complained less.

I have since discovered in the more than 8 years that we have been together that he does have complaints, (shocking, I know!) they just need to be drawn out of him so back to last night, I sat back and thought about it and realized this request was actually cause for great jubilation throughout Hastonia.

For two reasons-

1. He felt secure enough to tell me he needed a break
2. He also made a plan to give me some “me time” soon

I know without a doubt, that his “me time” will make him refreshed and better able to “be” with us and not feeling drained when it’s time for “family time”. Some of the best marriage advice I have ever gotten having a healthy marriage/relationship/partnership is this.

1. Try to see things through the other person’s eyes.. and really pretend you are them and feel very strongly about the thing that you are disagreeing about.
2. Ask yourself, will this matter in 30 years?

I will admit that it’s not the easiest advice to follow, especially that first one… stepping out of your own viewpoint is hard work, AND it’s absolutely worth it.

See this picture? It’s the tunic I bought myself on my shopping trip yesterday, see that happy face? It comes from asking for what you want and getting it and of course loving yourself and buying yourself something pretty (in the budget, of course!)

Now, I fully grasp that there will be times that you ask for what you want and don’t get it (as my loving husband pointed out while I was discussing this post with him) AND if you don’t ask, you definitely won’t get what you want.

Think about it…

Dear Readers,

I should update those of you who are not on Facebook and Twitter or reading anything but my blog. I GOT A PART! I GOT A PART! I GOT A PART!!!!!!! here is my face when I found out…

It’s a show called “My Big Fat Bahookie” and it’s all about how your body is perfect as it is! I have had exactly one rehearsal and am seriously jazzed about the project! (stay tuned to my blog for more discoveries

Taking this part involves juggling more time away from home and balance to my life. I am as ever, very grateful for a partner who understands that about me and is helping to support me doing something for me while he parents our child and gives me space to work on my craft. In addition, I really like to socialize so I had the night off from rehearsal last night and was excited to be social with some friends I have not seen in a while! I have definitely been planning less of these of late (see above for balancing act) and I was looking forward to it.

It had been a very busy day at work and I was feeling very stressed as I walked up the stair to our place, and made a snap decision to cancel. Why was it so hard to admit that? I even hesitated to reach out to both to reschedule…. I guess it is  throwback to my days as a people pleasing person. I would often worry to ridiculous levels if someone was mad at me because I didn’t hear from them. It’s a positive side effect of growing older and let’s be honest, having a kid, to realize that no one has time for that.

If someone is mad at me, I fully expect them to talk to me about it and do not expect me to be a mind reader and figure it out. I am blessed to have very decidedly healthy relationships (That was not always the case!) and I am grateful for them.

In this particular case, I let it go and reached out to both and they were extremely understanding which I appreciated. It is possible that both of them felt the same. I am glad I reached out and said something, because truly, I needed last night for some “me” time.

I am so glad I took it and rescheduled with the women who loved me enough to say, “Take care of yourself”.. to which I replied, “Thank you, I am!”

So my message this week? Self-care is not selfish, it’s Smart!

THINK ABOUT IT!

Dear Readers,

This month has been a very exciting one, professionally. I went back to work after being on leave for 3 months. It is definitely an adjustment, AND I am delighted to find I still really love my job and the people I work with every day. I also have a fabulous partner in my husband who understands how much I love to act and knows it takes time for me to prepare to audition, and gives me that time and space to pursue my craft.
Many times, I have talked about being an artist and how being rejected SUCKS OUT LOUD.

This is not that kind of post.

 

As I write this, I have not only auditioned well (drum roll, please!)….I have gotten called back for both!!!!!!!!! Yes, you read that correctly. Let me say it again, I have two callbacks!! (mini wave and celebration of ME)

I am going to pause right now and reread that sentence because it’s so wonderful to be able to write it.

I really hesitated to post this, thinking maybe I should not be so excited about it or let myself get excited.. or better yet, pretend that I don’t care that much or that it happens all the time. My first rule in writing this blog (which requires me to be honest even when it hurts or is scary), prevents me doing that.  I am honestly so excited right now and that bears sharing. This is awesome and deserves celebration.

How did this amazing thing happen? Well, I made a decision after taking my Meissner class in 2014 that from now on, I will only audition for things that inspire me and challenge me. This promise to myself, became even more important after I had my daughter, because as you might imagine, time is even more valuable so it requires that it be something extraordinary to pull me away. Through all this, I kept looking for projects that got me excited, and didn’t audition for everything that came my way.

It’s worth noting, that along the path of these all too real rejections, I have been lucky enough to get real and valuable feedback, one director telling me, “whatever you are doing, keep it up” which was and is, very encouraging! It’s definitely not as good as, “you got the part!” AND it’s something that’s kept me moving with my head up despite a lot more no than yes.

I have to say, It’s quite the heady rush. I wanted to write this before the result to capture the euphoria I am feeling before the results are in for this particular event.

No matter what the result, this is a MAJOR validation of my legitimacy as an artist and my path that I am walking and encouragement to keep auditioning.

This passion for “treading the boards” is warranted and I am right where I need to be.
“It’s the work of the actor to audition, getting the role is gravy” said by Richard Robichaux in my Meissner class two years ago. I admit saying this when rejected can feel a bit like a consolation prize, AND today I get it. I really did approach both callbacks like, “I get to play both these parts RIGHT NOW and I am having time of my life!”
I feel energized and excited at the possibilities of the gaining of both these parts while realistically knowing, it’s likely I will get offered one, and maybe none, but certainly not both.
For those who don’t audition, liken it to that time when you interview (we all interview for jobs, right?) for more than one job and you nail it and find yourself with two offers.
That’s when you have the truly wonderful dilemma of which to choose. It’s a great place to be and I hope that in writing all this down RIGHT NOW, I remember this the next time I am rejected for a part I really want.

Remembering always, that it is a lot more “no” than”yes” when putting yourself out there as an artist.
Thank you, Richard Robichaux for teaching me to value my work and my craft every day, every line, every audition, no matter the result.

Yes, I am an artist.

Think About It.

Dear Readers,

I have been giving a lot of thought to this question.

I have been trying hard to incorporate the act of responding not reacting in  my daily life since becoming a mom. If my child cries, and I react with a “oh my god, what is wrong?” and what can I do to “fix” it.. what am I teaching her? That when she cries, I will freak out.

I have been trying to approach it like okay, something is wrong, she can’t tell me what, so I get to play detective. I usually look her in the eyes and say, oh my .. are you hungry? I can tell you are upset, I wish I knew what was wrong…  and then you start the process of asking them what is wrong. It feels a little silly to me because she can’t talk, AND I know someday she will so we will be in the habit of asking her what is wrong when she cries.

Sometimes I wish it was as easy as they make it look on television and the movies. Notably, the character of Miranda Bailey on Grey’s Anatomy, she has a particular scene where she is in the middle of surgery and someone else is caring for her baby, who is crying. The intern holds the baby up to the intercom, and lets Miranda hear the cry, she listens for a second and then says, “Ah, that is cry #4, that means he is hungry, if you feed him, he will stop crying” – If only it were that easy! But it’s not.

For now, I follow my dear friend Rachel’s advice which is to help your child by telling them to breathe when they get upset, and when they are wailing, it’s pretty hard to do but as my Mom pointed out, the breathing exercise is more for the parents than the kid. It’s to calm you down, so you can respond and not react.

This is VERY hard advice to follow, AND I am starting to see some small wins with it so far.

A big part of this is asking for help when I need it, still not easy for me, because Lord forbid, I ever let on I need help or support, I am Superwoman, remember?

No, I am human, flawed and a beautiful little snowflake, just like you, I get frustrated and tired and am learning when I need a break and giving myself permission to take it.

Tonight is a great example, I came home and my wonderful husband said, go take a “mommy break” so I went to his man cave (gasp!) and plopped myself in a chair and watched Seinfeld for an hour and drank a Pepsi and ate some Pringles (and wrote this post!)

Can I just tell you, that hour did me so much good, and I felt incredible taking care of myself like that. I can tell you when I picked up my daughter an hour later, I was much more ready to respond and not react. Whether you have a kid or not, you likely work hard and don’t take enough time to relax.  Relaxing is underrated and under done. Please be sure that you take time for yourself and reconnect with you. You are pretty great and you likely support lots of people, be sure you take the time to do what you need to do to support you.

Think about it!

Dear Readers,

This week has been a trying one. Nothing catastrophic, just annoying and stressful.

I looked up earlier this week to realize my driver’s license was expired.. oops- meant to take care of that while I was on maternity leave.

I went to get it renewed in person because you can only renew it online once and then they make you renew it in person. It turned out to be a good thing because I now know that I need glasses to correct my vision while driving. I wear glasses frequently but had NO idea I needed them to drive. So that is kind of a bummer

While driving home, my husband was behind me in his car and noticed my brake light was out. So my plan was to go to the store and get the fuse I needed. I was also planning to put it in myself, yes I was going to look it up on youtube and use the daylight left to figure it out.. but then I had a delay which really screwed up my plan. Yesterday, I was leaving work, I could NOT find my car in the garage, I walked all over looking for it, and became very convinced I was losing my mind. I did eventually find it, but that was very stressful and as a result I was not in the best frame of mind when I came home…

But you know what, the second I walked in the house, I saw my husband and daughter who both smiled at me, and the day was instantly better.

So that lasted about 15 minutes, because soon after that, Vivienne started to wail, I mean like someone was hurting her wail.. so we tried feeding her, rocking her, burping her, changing her, nothing worked.. until I got up and walked with her on my shoulder. I am not a magical mother or anything, it’s just trial and error. Here’s a fun fact, that doesn’t always work.. As my good friend Durbin says, “the pain of motherhood is that what works on Friday, doesn’t always work on Tuesday” because right after she calmed down, she got upset again.. teething? gas? who knows.. we just know she is upset, because she is crying.

It’s frustrating, and it’s part of this journey-Yesterday, being a mom was REALLY hard.

I am being honest because I refuse to be part of the culture that is stuck in comparison and perfection. Yesterday was a hard day, today may be better, and we don’t know.

I am so incredibly grateful to have my husband staying home with her because that gives me such peace of mind as I head off to work. It’s a pretty thankless job, especially since his boss can’t give him commendations or raises so I thank him whenever I can, and I thank him again right now publicly. Thank you Jeremy, thank you for giving our daughter the gift of you, thank you for helping me go to work and win, thank you for being all the things you are that make you an amazing dad. Thank you for being you.

It’s a wonderful gift and I don’t want it to ever go unsaid how much I love you and how much you are my hero. Thank you.

 

 

 

Dear Readers,

“Running late, be there in ten minutes”

“on my way”

“we still on for today?”

How many times have you sent this text message to someone you have plans with that day or night?

It’s not just social situations, people are late to meetings at work and even (gasp) job interviews because of this laissez-faire mentality.

Don’t get me wrong, when you have a legitimate reason to be late, definitely reach out and touch someone but the random blowing off of plans and devaluing time has got to stop.

Yes, we are all busy, I get that, and it takes a bit of going back and forth to even set up the time and that was hard enough to honor before adding kids into the mix. So, while not impossible, it gets harder which means it becomes even MORE important to not cancel unless absolutely necessary.

I can’t tell you how many times I walk into a restaurant and see people NOT TALKING but scrolling on their phones sitting at tables together. I really want to say something, anything to FORCE them to interact with another human being. We are becoming a nation of zombies that are addicted to the dopamine rush we get when we hear a “swoosh” “ding” or other “notification” and we get that “hit” off our pipe (oops, I mean phone). The worst part of this addiction is that it’s socially acceptable because everyone has it.

1. Do you wake up to a cell phone? Do you go to sleep with one?
2. Do you check your phone first or say good morning to your partner first?
3. Do you check facebook or email multiple times through the day?

Think about the last meeting you went to, did you talk to your coworker before it started? Or were you buried in your technology? I realize that sometimes you are vocationally bound to those things but not all the time. So I want to challenge you to look for ways to disconnect from the internet and connect to the world around you.

So here is the hard part, now that I have noticed this and pointed it out to you, what do you DO about it?

Well here is what I am doing. Three things-

1. If I make plans with someone, I am doing my best to keep them. When I get to the location of the plans, I am going to turn my phone OFF and BE THERE fully, completely and focused on the person I spent so much time trying to coordinate the time to be with and truly focus on them, looking at them, not my flipping phone.  .
2. I got an alarm clock, which is how I will wake up and no longer use my phone as an alarm which will cause me to not snooze, and to actually wake up and start my day minus the smartphone scrolling.  (This is hard, I love to snooze)
3. Have a social media break on weekends- Sunday is our family day and so that will also be social media break day. (we have a cell phone lock up for just this occasion)
4. Before a meeting starts at work, don’t be buried in my phone or laptop, look at the other people in the room, and CONNECT. That is how we USED to build relationships. It’s time to get back to that, before it’s too late and all we have is our machines and the warm dull glow to keep us company.

What can YOU do to “break the habit”?

Think About It.

Think about it….

Think About IT!…. now

Thank you for reading my post and being my follower, now, please put down your phone, or log off your computer and go do something that has nothing to do with a screen.

Dear Readers,

As I have long said, the words we use matter. No more so than now.

I returned to work after being on maternity leave AND it was great. Everyone is happy to have me back and the feeling is mutual.

I have to say, I fully expected to feel sad, AND I do because I don’t get to spend every waking minute with my baby girl. Important to note, I LOVE my JOB and as my boss is fond of saying, “Time away, gives one fresh eyes”.

There is a part of me that HESITATES in writing that, as “Shouldn’t I be bereft and inconsolable because I went back to work and no longer get to take care of my baby?”
“Shouldn’t I be unhappy that I can’t be her mom and nothing else?”

Well no, because living in the world of AND allows me to say-

“I love my child, I love her more than I thought it was possible to love someone, AND I love my job and am incredibly fulfilled by it.” That’s a pretty powerful thing to say if you think about it. One does not negate the other.

When you say, “but” you tend to negate the things that come before it and in so doing, limit yourself when it’s far more powerful to live in abundance.

It certainly helps my feeling that my husband is a stay at home dad which he is really good at by the way, AND I still miss being with her.

Case in point, I learned about an audition and instead of thinking “I don’t want to tell anyone else about it, because I don’t want to hurt my chances by alerting competition” my first thought was, let me tell a friend about it, because I also think she would be fantastic AND I am still planning to audition.

I am applying this same concept to food as we head into the New Year (for those who don’t  know.. my New Year is my birthday, January 19th -) so “I want a cookie, but I shouldn’t have it” becomes, “I want a cookie, AND I have a weight loss goal that is not supported by my eating the cookie. Let me be clear, this does not always mean I will resist the cookie, AND I have a far better chance of doing so by speaking intentionally about the act.

As an experiment, in the past week, I have done my best to say “AND” when I previously would say “BUT” – Try it. I dare you. You might be surprised at how much you use “but” when perhaps what you intend to express is “AND”

Think about it…

 

 

Dear Readers,

My mom has given this advice to me over the years and it has proven to be very wise not to mention simple to execute. Notice I said, simple not easy.

So on this, the third day of the new year, I say it to you, “Begin as you mean to continue”

This brand new year means lots of people will be making resolutions to get fit or lose weight or stop doing things or start doing things and that’s great. I submit to you that you may find more success without an “all or nothing” approach. For instance, I will read 12 books this year sounds super daunting till you break it down into a book a month, and drill down to even smaller bites of how many pages a day, etc. It’s really easy to get down on yourself too if you have a rough day and don’t quite make your goal, making it that much harder to pick up and start again the next day.  Beware the “all or nothing” approach.

Take me for instance, I reviewed my last few posts about the new years and the resolve I had to eat better and lose weight and each time I began with a fervent promise to myself that THIS time it WILL be different. Sadly, each time, It has resulted in being further afield of my goals as I ate that cookie or didn’t exercise that day.

I think the closest I have actually come was last year when I decided not to “diet” but rather to eat healthy for 30 days. Quite the loaded statement when you consider what that means. Eat healthy- does that mean don’t eat pastry? or does it mean just eat one? or half of one? Does that mean have toast but don’t put butter on it? Does that mean you eat one banana and you are cool but if you have two.. you aren’t being healthy? Well what I decided was that I would not eat pastry, starch or processed foods and no soft drinks, just water for 30 days. I didn’t have any trouble sticking to it because I wasn’t doing it to lose weight, I was doing it because I heard myself say over and over.. I wish I was in better shape AND not doing things I know to do in order to be what I say I want to be. On December 18, 2015 I decided I was DONE playing footsy with my weight problem and was going to take this stuff seriously. I posted on social media pictures of my food and the hashtag #healthyhabits #babysteps- I figure it worked so spectacularly on our finances, why not try it with my weight/eating etc? I am proud to say, it worked.. for 30 days I ate healthy and did NOT quit till I got to the 30th day. I was proud of myself and the most important thing about that time period was that I really didn’t feel deprived. It was a finite time (30 days) and I was working towards a goal.

We all KNOW the answer to this, right?  “eat right and exercise” but see the questions above.. The devil is in the details. I am no expert AND after about a year of observing my habits, I have come to the following conclusions. I feel better when I work out, AND there are times I struggle to find that motivation as well. I am capable of losing weight when I want to, I have willpower to resist (sometimes a pint of ice cream will be eaten in a week or two and sometimes it’s that same night) and everything in moderation seems to work best for me.

There are other times (say towards the end of my pregnancy) that I ate exactly what I wanted to eat and ate plenty of it, justifying that I was pregnant and could lose the weight later… well later is here now and I am sad to say when doing some post-baby clean up of my closet, I found I do not fit into some jeans that I wore easily in my early days of pregnancy, and while I realize that after having a baby, it’s likely there are some clothes I will never fit into again, since let’s face it, my entire body has changed, It’s a barometer for health and feeling good about myself so I was affected.

Since my daughter was born, I tend to think ahead and think about what we want to teach her about food being for fuel. I don’t want her to struggle like I have and still am so I have a big goal now that I am not sure how to accomplish AND I know I need to think about these things and figure them out for myself so I can teach her to have a better relationship with food than I do. I want to get in front of it so it’s not an issue for her, food it just food, not love or a replacement for affection or any of those toxic things it can sometimes mean for me.

I normally “share with the class” when I have it figured out, but a fellow blogger recently shared nakedly and honestly about her very real struggles with motherhood as she is “going through it” and it inspired me to share with you in hopes that we can help each other.

I DO not KNOW the answer AND I am on the hunt for it. I think there is power in sharing and shedding light on the subjects that are hard to talk about. This has been a problem for me for many years and I have tried a variety of diets (paleo/cabbage soup/atkins) nothing lasting and nothing truly satisfying.

I am opening myself to you, dear reader, in hopes that someone is going through this as well and one feels encouraged to discuss it, and two, maybe, just maybe, we won’t feel so all alone on this journey. Please reach out to me and tell me what you do to stay healthy and eat food for fuel. Begin as you mean to continue, I am doing that now by sharing how hard it is for me, I hope that it helps you reading this to realize you are not alone and we all struggle with something that it would likely help to talk about. Maybe for you it’s not weight or food but there is something you struggle with and that is okay. That means you are human. That means that I am human as well. I, by no means, have this figured out AND I am not even close to done trying.

This picture was taken on my first day back at the gym, it is a visual representation of my love for my body and the care I will take to show my daughter to love her body and have pride in taking her of her body as a habit, so I have to (say it with me) begin as I mean to continue… and exercise and eat right myself so she sees it as normal.

THINK ABOUT IT….