Dear Readers,

Today’s post is dedicated to you and your beautiful body. Read that again.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! You are sexy! You are perfect just as you are!!

I am so excited to be in this show about positive body image and a show that promotes the message, “You are perfect, just as you are”.. The fight to tell you otherwise is subtle and unrelenting, and it is already starting for my daughter, She isn’t hearing it but I am. “She is so chunky” or “Gosh, how big is she?” — and “That’s a big girl”  things commenting on her size. I realize I am probably being oversensitive in this area, but I have to say it’s hard to hear it, I know people mean well,  sometimes they say it because they think it’s a compliment or they THINK it’s just conversation.

They can’t possibly know how completely debilitating it was to me to hear things that were similar as I was growing up,”you have such a pretty face” or “you would be beautiful if you just lost a few pounds” “Your only hope is to marry rich” and all the times I heard it and things like it I steadfastly believed it..and it’s only very very recently that I have come to terms with my weight and my body and have learned to love myself just as I am.

I think the first time I felt overweight was in gym class, I literally couldn’t climb the rope. I remember holding on to it and trying as hard as I could to get myself up there but I lacked the arm strength and had a lot of weight to try to hoist. The only thing I had to show for my efforts were rope burns and chafed thighs.  I would be the last pick for dodge ball and I tried out for the dance team and didn’t make it. I certainly can’t prove that I wasn’t picked because I was overweight but it certainly didn’t help matters.

My parents didn’t really help me with this, they would tell me not to eat sweets and try to limit the desserts in the house but there was a lot of them and there were birthdays and special occasions and so then I would eat sweets, every chance I got I would eat them. Let’s not forget the ones I ate away from the house as well.

As an adult, I tried a lot of different diets. The cabbage soup diet, the Atkins diet, the paleo diet. The only time I have ever significantly lost weight was on paleo and that was when I was also exercising 3 times a week, and eating nothing but paleo. I lost over 75 pounds and had a glamorous photo shoot to celebrate. That was three years ago and remains a very happy memory as it was the beginning of where I am now on this journey to acceptance and body love.

Recently, I decided to give up dieting. I will eat mostly healthy foods and exercise but won’t be gazing at a scale for “results”. I will respond when the 4 year old in me says, “I want ice cream” because sometimes it’s really important to feed that 4 year old. It doesn’t happen every day, I would say roughly about once a month, I really crave ice cream. I had a pint in the freezer that lasted me almost three weeks, and then there are other times that I eat the whole pint in one sitting. So, it varies.

Here and now, I declare I am done with the guilt, since the guilt has never and will never cause me to lose weight or feel better, in fact it’s quite the opposite, it makes you want to eat more because you feel bad.

The goal will be to use food as fuel and if I want a cupcake or a piece of candy, to go ahead and eat that food. It’s a combination of the intuitive eating philosophy and my mentality about abundance. It also involves REALLY listening to your body. The other day, I wanted mashed potatoes, Jeremy being an awesome husband, offered to get them for me, and I said, no, I am just noticing that I want them, I am not sure why but it’s bubbling up in my head.When I waited a minute, the craving went totally away.

If you choose to diet or count calories, more power to you, but I have decided that way is not for me.

This dieting demon has haunted my menu and eating choices long enough and I am delighted to report that this show is exorcising that demon really effectively. I will be keeping an eye on how I feel about this and as always, report back to let you, my dear readers know how things are going.

Think about it….