Author: TheBossOfBalance

Dear Readers,

I love to dance. I mean I really love it. I will dance to anything that has a beat.

So it seems that someone who loves it would be good at it and easily do it, right?

Not so much, no.

I have a little game, and I can definitely learn choreography when called upon, but as far as on-the-fly aerobic dancing, I am utterly hopeless at it, I really am.

I remembered this 2 minutes into my most recent Zumba class. I used to have an AMAZING instructor for Zumba, which now that I think about it, is probably why I still try it out every once in a while. I also love the idea of “dance as exercise” because before I do it, I really hate to exercise, once I am there and doing it I am still hating it, it is only after it is over and done that I am glad I did it.

But back to dance class, It used to really bother me and I would wear myself out trying to keep up with “Debbie Dance Teacher” – you know who I am talking about… she was probably a dance team member or cheerleader, and she has a perfectly choreographed dance all planned out to “Thriller” including “zombie breaks”? It’s not just her but the other people in the room who are mistaking Zumba for “So You Think You Can Dance” auditions which is good, because people are welcome to pursue their dreams any time and any way they like. But that is so NOT me, and mid poorly executed grapevine, I had an epiphany.

I am there to exercise, not to impress anyone so if I get a step or two wrong, who cares?????? Who am I so concerned with impressing? I think the point is to move your body and (gasp!) have fun so as soon as I started to do that, it was a lot more fun and wonder of wonder I actually started to pick it up a little better because I relaxed, Imagine that!

I also left at the hour mark though it was a 2 hour Halloween themed class which should have been called “Boo-mba” but nobody asked me.

I am also sure my next class (on Monday) will be even better because I am ready to dance!!!

I can’t wait!

So what is the point?

Don’t be so afraid to be bad at something that you never try it.

What have you not done because you are afraid of looking silly or not perfect?

What would happen if you tried it anyway?

Think About It.

Dear Readers, I am a talker and I Loooooooove to talk and in recent years I have become aware of how much more important it is to LISTEN. But, I am human as much as I hate to admit it, (Thanks Keya)

Coming face to face with this sometimes takes an event ungoverned by me because if you are anything like me, you go 80 miles per hour 24/7 and wonder why you’re tired or get frustrated when your body rebels and you are FORCED to pay attention.

This was never more apparent than last week. I lost my voice. This sometimes happens to me when I am faced with stressful situations.

The last time was when I was really revved up for a job interview. In fact, I had three scheduled and the night before, I lost my voice. I drank water and sprayed “Singers Saving Grace” like my life depended on it and yet, morning came and no voice. I rescheduled all three explaining the situation and everyone was very understanding, to my great relief. As it turns out, I wound up not getting ANY of those jobs.

But back to last Wednesday, I was preparing to sing at Poppa Joe’s memorial service which was in Philadelphia, his hometown.

Wanting to do him proud, I was rehearsing and prepping for it and out of nowhere on Wednesday, my voice was a little scratchy, so I made it a point to talk less in efforts to conserve said voice and hoped for the best. I drank a lot of water and rested my voice as much as I could. Thursday I woke up even raspier so total silence which is a neat trick when your job is recruiting, and I have an understanding team who helped support me. That night, I wordlessly communicated with my daughter and continued to rest my voice. I observed her talking a lot more in my silence.

Before I went to bed, I said a fervent and silent prayer that I would wake up all better before heading to the airport.

Sadly, that was not the case, so I said to myself, no sense in stressing, (the softer equivalent of the useless but popular “Don’t worry about it”) just keep on with vocal rest and water and we will see what happens. I also meditated and listened to my “wake up and kick bahookie” song, though it was ridiculously early (hello 4 am!)

I am a very bad Austinite because I forgot ACL (Austin City Limits) was going on, so this was my view Friday morning at 5 am- OUCH

First, I am grateful I am always early, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying to wait. Have I mentioned how much I HATE to WAIT? (more on that in a future post, friends)

But back to the present, I was deeply grateful to not have my adorable 3 year old in tow because 1 hour in line by yourself is a lot easier to handle sans energetic and restless child despite her ever-present charm.

Things would also have gone better for me if I had gone to the bathroom BEFORE getting in the very long line that snaked its way through the terminal I would have been a LOT less stressed. As it was, I watched as people who were concerned and voicing said concerns loudly about missing their flight got angrier and more stressed and took it out on TSA. I let several people go ahead of me because I was super early and they were on the verge of missing their flight, not their board time. I was very relieved to walk to my gate as we were boarding which is still a little too close for my comfort but it is what it is.

I do my best to always find the lesson in things especially when stressed.

All of this “silent communication” allowed me to truly observe and listen intently to what others had to say. Even on Friday night, when I thankfully got my voice back, I was judicious with talking and into Saturday as well. It afforded me the opportunity to truly listen as people told stories about Joe and how he had touched their lives. I am very clear on how much Joe meant to me, but it wasn’t until hearing person after person exclaim,

“Oh, you’re Sunshine”?!? that I truly knew how much I meant to Poppa Joe.

It’s still unbelievable to me that this tower of strength is gone. Just like that. I went to see him when he was a few days away from the end, I got the phone call he was gone and it still didn’t feel real. I would love to tell you singing at his memorial finally drove it home, but it didn’t.

It wasn’t until just now, as I wrote this sentence, I realize I can never call him again. He won’t ever crankily point out how much I am in error for despising beer. He won’t ask me how my TED talk is coming. He won’t ask about Jeremy or Vivienne because he can’t.

We will never have “further words” again.

The point?

Simply this, dear readers.

Who do you want to communicate with that you have avoided out of stubbornness or pride?

Who have you been missing but not reached out because you are scared of a little awkwardness?

I think it’s unfortunate that it takes a death to bring this message home, and sometimes that is what it takes for us to tell people how much they mean to us. I have definitely started saying it more to those I love in the last few days (You know who you are…..)

“No one has a voice like you, no one has your stories, your words, your experiences.”

Share yourself, share your voice.

I learned this weekend, that even without a voice, I have a lot to say.

Think About It.

Dear Readers,

When someone we love dies, we struggle to make sense of it. We wonder why, we get angry and sad and depressed, to name just a few. That’s a very brief way to describe an extremely complex situation.

According to the five stages of grief, we feel

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

This is the Kubler-Ross model, and has been a long held standard.

First- It’s important to note, this stage business falsely suggests that it’s a linear and orderly process.

I am here to tell you it’s not. It’s messy and lacks order much of the time. You can be bargaining and angry at the same time.

For example, my grandmother died over 20 years ago, and I still get sad every time I think about her being gone. She was an amazing and wonderful person and she died before I could really appreciate her. Papa Joe died recently and I am still heavy in denial that he is gone, while also being angry at the cancer took this powerhouse of a man. Larger than life, irascible and formidable, and now he’s just gone. It’s so frustrating and unfair and I struggle to find meaning in it all.

Apparently the Kubler-Ross theory has been updated to include the step of “meaning” – Check it out.

https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

So to turn to you for a moment, dear reader.

When you hear from a friend that someone close to them dies, what do we say?

“I am so sorry for your loss”

“You have my deepest condolences”

“He/She/They were wonderful and I am sure you will miss them”

Those all have their place for sure, and this weekend a friend, in his loss introduced this idea. How about instead of simply consoling others, we take action in our own life?

He posted on social media this weekend about his Dad dying and he posted a lovely tribute and a call to action which I loved.

I took that advice to heart and thought, “My readers need to see that, and maybe just one of them will reach out and call someone. For those wondering, I called my aunt, which I have been “meaning to do for a month or so” but, you know, life.

The temptation here will be to text, and that’s better than what you were going to do, which was nothing, and I think a phone call is stronger.

Pick up the phone, say, “I miss you” and then see where it goes.

After all, you can only take action, you can’t control the reaction of others.

Who is the person you think of when you read that? Go call them. Don’t worry about it being awkward or being a long time since you talked, you can simply say, “I was thinking about you, and I miss you” and then listen.

My hope is that you won’t stop at one person, but that you actually call 3 or 4 or even more.

“Don’t let this be something to be sad about, have it be a catalyst for a meaningful connection in your life”

– Matt Stephans

Who Will You Call?

Dear Readers,

My mother of choice has been visiting and it’s been great. It’s also been hard because as much as we love each other, we don’t always see eye to eye.

For instance, she finds television “an annoyance” and I love it. I pushed and prodded and asked her to watch something with me, and she agreed, because she loves me and even pointed out that she knew it was important to me, and I know it was not something she really enjoyed. This is where I point out that I was being a brat. Yep, I own that, sometimes I am a brat.

She would be the first to admit that she can also be cranky, so there are opportunities on both sides for sure, and keeping my word to you, my readers, means being authentic and sharing real stories in hopes it helps you feel like you are not the only one going through real life.

Over the past two weeks, I have been given the opportunity to move through life a bit slower than normal.

I often talk to my daughter about this. We call it “Rabbit Speed” or “Turtle Speed” and I use it to show her the different speeds she can go, or more precisely, that I want her to go. Being diligent to point out that neither is better than the other, they are both valid and valuable in their own way.

As is so often the case, in teaching, you learn.

For instance, I learned this weekend, I really hate “Turtle Speed”

It’s exactly like it sounds, plodding and methodical, and careful. It applies to my current goal of a marathon. Like so many things, it starts with Being intentional (going to gym twice a week, and stepping up my workout game by consulting with a trainer to find ways to work smarter not harder and avoid injury while marathon training. In writing my book, it’s happening one line at a time. (Holy Moly, did I just say I was writing a book?)

Yes! Yes, I did.

But I digress, getting back to the speed thing. I definitely hate that the things I want to accomplish take time, mainly because I am NOT naturally a patient person. Parenting has really helped me get better at it, (Thanks Viv!) and I still struggle.

So to say I hate “turtle speed” must mean, I hate slow and love “fast”, right?

Not really- I definitely love “turtle speed” when spending time with family or reading a good book

but wish for “Rabbit Speed” when it comes to accomplishing goals and definitely I could stand to employ a little more “Turtle” in my day to day routine.

Spending time with my Mom helped me see how much value there is in slowing down and taking that extra few minutes in the morning for your tea or take an extra minute to smell the rain or enjoy the sunset or maybe spend an extra minute coming up with a creative way to deliver your daughter’s morning vitamin?

So what’s the point? Easy. Slooooooooooooooooow Down.

Slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow Down

Really, slow down and enjoy your life because here’s the thing, it’s the only one we get.

Think About It.

Happy Birthday Vivienne!!

You are Three! Three!

Happy Birthday Monkey!

You bring us such joy! Your smile and your laugh make us so happy!

You definitely don’t smile all the time, and you have quite a temper when you don’t get your way, lest anyone think you are just a perfect angel, you aren’t. That’s actually good, because as Mommy likes to say, “Perfection is boring, and life is messy”

Speaking of wise sayings— You learned the word “Nana” just in time for her visit !

What a year it has been!

Job changes for both Mommy and Daddy!

We took you to your first Pride Parade, where you charmed everyone and gave out tons of “free sister hugs” to everyone!

You have learned so much in just one year! You are talking and walking and dancing! Yes! Dancing!! Your favourite book is “Green Eggs and Ham” and you love to have us read it to you!

You put on your shirts and dresses ALL by yourself, still working on the shorts and pants, and you are getting closer every day.

You love to play with your stuffed shark and you love the outdoors! You love the outdoors so much, it makes Mommy appreciate it more, which is saying a lot since Mommy doesn’t like the outdoors at all.

You love to swim and you like to run and play!

At the moment, Your favourite color is purple and you are spending a lot of time coloring, you love to color!

You watch movies with Mommy too!

The ones on rotation as of this writing are:

“Coco” “Leap”, and “Meet The Robinsons” and recently, much to Mommy’s delight, you have begun to request “Frogs” which means, “The Princess and The Frog”! (Mom’s favourite, obviously!)

You eat at the table with very little help, and you are so helpful to Mommy and Daddy with the dishes and the laundry!

At night we sing to you and read you books, and tell you,

“We love you, we are proud of you, and you are ours.”

We love to tickle you (Daddy especially) and make you laugh, and each night we send you to bed with these thoughts, “Keep the bad out, and all good things close” (a phrase written by your very talented Aunt Rachel)

and performed by another talented relative, Tio Gab)

It’s the last thing we say to you before kissing and hugging you and sending you off to sleep.

We love you so much and can’t wait to see what the next year brings!

Love,

Mommy

Dear Readers,

This week I discovered that due to my stubbornness and pride I ALMOST cost myself a good chunk of money because I assumed I knew EXACTLY how something worked but come to find out, I was 100% wrong. Don’t you hate that?

Have you ever done that? Made an assumption about how something worked and were 100%, take it to the bank (you would bet money on it) ABSOLUTELY SURE and it turned out you were wrong?

Well, I did, and it really made me wonder how often I have done that, so I started to look back on past things I was “sure were correct”?and whoo boy, there is a lot of “I was wrong” that I have had to say or to be honest, I SHOULD have said, but was embarrassed and didn’t address it.

I am not going to go through all of them with you, but suffice to say, it’s not a short list and that’s okay because after all, I am only human and so are you, despite our desperate attempt to appear perfect, we truly are not.

I think the 3 most important things a human can say are.

I was wrong.

I don’t know.

Tell me more.

I have a lot of curiosity so the last two are pretty easy, but that first one, boy, oh boy.

So what is my point, you ask?

It’s this.

Be curious, not certain.

I wonder what will happen if I listen instead of say the thing I am sure is true. Is it possible, I could be wrong? Is it possible I have an idea in my head that is wrong, and If I just listen a little longer or ask a question or two, maybe I will learn something new?

Think About It

Dear Readers,

In tackling any large goal, you might feel a little bit like a Ghostbuster.

The original movie came out 35 years ago so I will let go of the notion that my blog post will “ruin it for you”, and if you have not seen it, you should. It holds up.

For those who don’t know, in the movie, the main characters, The Ghostbusters help to eliminate ghosts from your life and take them away from your home or work so you can ostensibly get on with life or work, whichever has been disturbed by the paranormal.

In a similar fashion, chasing your dreams and goals, (see extraordinary circumstances) you have to “fight” the ghosts of your past, which says, “You’re too late, you should have done this YEARS ago. You’re too old now.”

Perhaps the ghost of your present shows up which says, “You are far too busy to run a marathon/write a book/go back to school,” (insert your big and scary dream you are chasing) “Just go back to doing what you have always done and stop dreaming, this will NEVER get off the ground, trust me”.

The worst of them all, the “ghost” of your future shows up and says, “See I knew you couldn’t do it, have looked into your future and I foresee failure, I know you can’t do this so let me do you a favor and stop you before you start.”

How is this like our boys in gray? Early in the movie, they get fired from their comfortable academia job and it forces them to open their business, which is really thriving until, you guessed it, they hit another roadblock, and  get thrown in jail. Obstacle.

However, they convince the mayor he can sew up re-election with their help and so convinces the City Of New York to stand behind them. Roll credits, right?

Wrong. They go through all that just to get permission to go fight the ghost, and they are cheered on by a throng of crowds as they approach the building containing their enemy. Bolstered by such a strong reception, they prepare to enter and fight. Then the ground underneath their feet cracks open!

—— Hello obstacle——- There you are, waiting in the wings for us to attempt something big (sound familiar?)

As one of my coaches, Jon Acuff says, “Fear only gets loud when you are doing something that matters.”

So, struggling and shaken, they regain their footing and head into the building, only to find they have to now climb many flights of stairs in order to attempt to fight their ghost.

How many times have you avoided doing the research or the necessary phone calls to see “What’s next?” to accomplish the goal? Just me, right? I didn’t think so. Then after you make that call you find out the goal is even farther away then you thought. Obstacle after obstacle, shows up and you feel like giving up.

(Yes, you will feel like giving up)

So then, you climb the “stairs”.

One flight at a time, and then you make it to the top, and you face a creature with red eyes that questions your right to fight.

You have come so far now, and this THING dares to question you, and screams things like, “Who are YOU to run a marathon? Who are you to write a book? Who are you to attempt to do ANYTHING you are scared to do?

Take a deep breath breath, and shout back:

”Who am I? I am amazing, I persevere through hardship and will not be stopped by the likes of you, FEAR! I am beautiful, strong, and talented and am NOT afraid of you as much as I want to achieve my goal, so SHUT UP and SIT DOWN and WATCH.

Think About It.

Dear Readers,

Last week, my Papa Joe passed away. He lost battle with Stage 4 Brain Cancer. As he put it in his own inimitable fashion-

“I’ve lived 80 years at 60 mph and now I am maybe 5 mph.  Not so bad. “

He was beloved by many and to say he will be sorely missed is a gross understatement.

Grief is a really strange thing because when I saw him a few weeks ago, It didn’t really hit me that I was seeing him on his last days. I mean I knew it, but I didn’t really KNOW it. I hadn’t cried or really grieved because as silly as it sounds now, I expected him to live, and thrive.

I actually kept hoping against all the facts and evidence he was going to rally and live.

He gave me the nickname “Sunshine” due to my unstoppable levels of optimism.

The downside of relentless optimism and positivity is that the crash when it “doesn’t work out” is so much harder to come back from because “you were SO SURE” it was going to work out for the best.

So then, you don’t get that job, or part you were “speaking into existence” and then you have to deal with the aftermath.

However, I am not planning to give on my “sunshine” outlook any time soon.

So, this post is titled, What are you WAITING for? because I think when someone dies be it suddenly or slowly, we owe it to ourselves to STOP wasting our only non renewable resource. TIME.

Put another way, what are you “waiting for” to start living?

I do this too, I say, “when we have a little more money” or “when our daughter is a little older” or  “when I get in better shape”

No more. I kept saying, “we will go see Papa Joe” in a year when we have more time or more money.

As it turned out, I made the time and the money when I found out things were so dire.

Just two months ago, we were having one of our “everything and nothing” conversations about my job, and my husband and my speaking (he was one of the first to encourage me in my speaking career) and now he is gone.

He will never call me “Sunshine” again. He will never have “further words” with me.

I implore you.

STOP WAITING for the perfect moment and seize “this” moment.

Think About It.

How ? How in the world did that happen?

Well, it was REALLY hard. Are you ready to hear about the grueling audition process I endured to gain this plummy opportunity? The hours I slaved over my proposal and waiting I endured in the selection process?

Here goes….

I sent an email.

I really wish I could tell you it was more involved than that, AND it wasn’t. I asked, and was told “yes”.

Now, I will tell you, it takes a bold mindset and the idea of doing things “before you are ready” because I absolutely did not feel “ready” to do this message.

But guess what? In the act of “doing it” I got to the state of “done” which transcends “ready” every single time.

So, what are you waiting to be “ready for”? What can you do to get to “done” and fly right past “ready”?

Think About It.

Dear Readers,

My daughter and I really enjoy the Disney movie, “Meet The Robinsons” and watch it frequently. I should clarify, I watch it and she will watch and then walk away and then come back and watch, she is almost three years old and a bundle of energy.

I was delighted to find my world as a manager and my role as a mother intersecting, (as they so often do!) because as I watched the movie for probably the 100th time, I was struck by a character’s line, because about two months ago, I heard it in a Ted Talk by the marvelous interviewer, Celeste Headlee-

In her talk, she gives 10 ways to have better conversations and as someone who feels passionately about deeper conversations, I paid rapt attention. I love all ten tips but the one that I heard in her Ted Talk AND in my beloved “Meet The Robinsons” was this. “Prepare To Be AMAZED. The character is talking to the board of directors and pitching his “great idea” and when Celeste talks about it, she is referring to every conversation being an opportunity to learn something you didn’t know about the person you are talking to. I love this idea, and am doing my best to incorporate it in every single conversation, even people I already know well, such as my husband.

A few weeks ago, we had a rare and treasured date night and after we agreed not to talk jobs, kids, or house stuff, we jumped in with a question to each other, “Tell me something I don’t know about you”. I was amazed to discover that there are definitely things about my partner that I didn’t know. Charming things, lovely things, AMAZING things. It was a wonderful revelation and it reminded me to take this approach in all my conversations and just yesterday I was in the middle of listening to a colleague (who I previously attributed to being in her 20’s) talk about her daughter, and I said, “She sounds lovely, how old is she?” Expecting the answer to be “9 or 10”, I was AMAZED to hear her say, “17”. I was assuming instead of listening.

Tbe opportunity to “Be Amazed” is within our grasp every day.

I encourage you to “Prepare To BE AMAZED” in all your conversations. Try it and see what happens. What do you have to lose?

Think About It.