Tag: family

Listening is underrated and an underperformed act

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Dear Readers,

I had occasion to connect with a dear friend of mine on Sunday and it occurred to me how long it has been since we had time to talk. Scratch that, I talk to people all day long and they talk to me, but do we really LISTEN to each other? I am sad to say that no, that isn’t always the case.

I am diligently working on this skill and am so glad I am because in this chat, he said something I REALLY needed to HEAR. I won’t share what it was because it was important to me and will mean nothing to you. Later that night, I heard a similar thing when a friend opened up and was very upset and I didn’t have an answer which is hard but often true.

I honed that skill further when another friend in need said, I don’t want you to cheer me up (a tall order) I want you to listen, and I want to be in a dark place and be pissed at the world. I also will understand if you need to not be around me right now. Deep breath. Okay. First, you are family, I will always want to see you, and hear what you have to say.

Then in the same week, I needed to listen to myself when I was sick and needed to rest. I tend to be a workhorse, and not stopping for anything as unimportant as a little sickness, but you know what, this was not small, this was non unimportant. I needed to go home and rest. So I did. I do not regret it, your health is no small thing and I can tell you listening to your body is a great skill to develop.  I am posting this picture of a coffee cup a friend gave me which I cherish and I used during one of these conversations to take a thoughtful pause when I wanted oh so badly to talk…. but what my friends needed was a listener. I encourage you to take stock and consider, Do you listen or wait…………………………………for your turn to talk? friendsMartina

Think About It……

Think about it.

What makes you cry?

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Dear Readers,

Last night I went to see a phenomenal show “When the Rain Stops Falling” – If you are one of my local readers in Austin, you should go see it, its heartfelt, extremely well written, directed and acted. I can not say enough good things about this show.

As an actor myself, it is sometimes hard to see a show I didn’t audition for but nonetheless am unhappy to not be cast in. Rational, no way, but True… This particular show was a notable exception, I thoroughly enjoyed it and didn’t have any feelings of “why wasn’t I in that show?” — It was perfectly cast and I can’t imagine it otherwise.

I promised to be authentic with you because who wants to read fluff. Part of being an artist is being authentic and sharing what isn’t pretty and nice but rather the jagged edges and glass shards of oneself so back to the play.

Why did it move me so? The story is one of heartbreak, loss and redemption involving an extremely bruised family who were just so achingly human. Does it help that some of my friends were in the show and not only good but gave heart breaking performances? Alexandra Russo and Scot Friedman, in case you are not sure who I mean, I just pointed it out, so thank you for giving me such a gift of not only being good people who I am blessed to call friends but fellow artists giving such a good name to the word.

I would like it anyway, but that it was so good made me love it.

The title of this blog post is “what makes you cry?” so I will go back to that. This play made me cry, music and movies sometimes makes me cry. When I am in pain, I cry and sometimes when I am happy I cry. So this makes it sound like I walk around the world sobbing piteously but no, actually its just one snapshot piece of who I am, and my hunch is it is a part of you as well.

Sometimes you just need a good cry, my Mom says that and you know, she is Almost ALWAYS right.

Think about it….

Make Thanksgiving perpetual

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Dear Readers, Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! Now that the official holiday of Thanksgiving is over, I think its very easy to forget to thank people in the every day and being grateful for the little things. I have a love/hate relationships with this holiday.

I love that it exists to remind us that we need to be thankful, but I hate that it is necessary for a date on the calendar to tell us that. I am reminded of a quote by

Henry David Thoreau-

I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual. It is surprising how contented one can be with nothing definite – only a sense of existence. Well, anything for variety. I am ready to try this for the next ten thousand years, and exhaust it. How sweet to think of! my extremities well charred, and my intellectual part too, so that there is no danger of worm or rot for a long while. My breath is sweet to me. O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches. No run on my bank can drain it, for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment.”

― Henry David Thoreau

What can you do to make your Thanksgiving perpetual? There are so many things to be grateful for (way to much to fit the thankfulness into one day)

Think about it!

You are everything you need to be.

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I heard someone say recently, “I will be so much better when I have been in school longer, and know more and have read more” and it really made me stop and think. How many of us have stopped ourselves doing something because we are “not an expert”? I read recently it takes 10,000 hours to get to be an expert at something. That’s a really big number, and not a little overwhelming. Not being a math major, I decided to break it down- For instance, it would take 10 years of practicing 3 hours a day to become a master in your subject. It would take approximately 5 years of full-time employment to become proficient in your field. Simply work out how many hours you have already achieved and calculate how many more you need to clock up before you reach 10000.

But what if its not your job you want to have mastery at? Maybe you want to learn to cook, or change a tire or just become more proficient in something you are already well schooled in.

Don’t despair, you don’t have to spend 10,000 hours to be Awesome. What you need to do is decide right now to do your absolute best at whatever you decide to do and commit to learning along the way, be open to the mistakes you are going to make. Read that again, I said the mistakes you are going to make. You have permission to fail. It’s a natural progression to greatness to fail. Or to put it another way, “Failure is the Grandfather of Success”

Once your mindset changes, everything on
the outside will change along with it.
―Steve Maraboli

 

You are all you need to be right now. Don’t wish to be something you are not. Strive to be all you can be and more, but don’t compare Your apple to someone else’s orange or your beginning to someone else’s middle.

The next time you are inclined to say I can’t or I don’t know how, think about a time when you didn’t know how to ride a bicycle, or how to change a tire, or how to cook a chicken. I got in touch with people who knew how to do it, and asked for help, or watched them do it, and then figured out the best way for me to do it. Maybe not the fastest, maybe not the “expert” way but how I felt comfortable. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to try new things, some of the most important learning experiences I have had come from someone saying, “Do this” and not giving instruction but trusting I knew how to do it.

I use these examples because for me there was a time, I didn’t know how to do all of those things, but now through the help of my husband and my friends, now I know. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or admit that there is something you do not know, for there is power in not knowing that allows for knowledge to come to you.

What can you learn today?