Author: TheBossOfBalance

Dear Readers,

A few months ago I set a few goals for myself.

1. Read more.
2. Drink water every day
3. Go to the gym three times a week
4. Meditate once a day

All of these seem simple, right?

Well, not really. The reading one has gone right out the window so then I had three goals

1. Read more.
2. Drink water every day
3. Go to the gym three times a week
4. Meditate once a day

Drink water every day. (I have an accountability partner for that one!)

Speaking of accountability- I also joined a No-Spendtember group to help me motivate myself to NOT spend any money for the month of September except for gas, groceries, and essential items. It’s amazing how much you just spend (even though I am pretty thrifty) without THINKING about it.  I am keeping a running tally of how much I have wanted to spend but have not spent. Drum roll, please! It’s Day 5……

I am up to 35.00 not spent. That could change tomorrow, I might just have to buy something, and that is okay, the goal is to be intentional and THINK about it, because in my experience, when you do that, you spend 5.00 not 10.00 and so on.

Another goal, was to go to the gym three times a week- Well, that was working and then the whole family got sick so as we all recovered, we spent less time at the gym and then no time at the gym.

Once upon a time, I lost 75 pounds and this was the before and after.  I love how I look in both pictures, and the one on the right helps me FEEL the accomplishment.

As of two weeks ago, I headed back to the gym but it was once a week, not three times and I am satisfied with that, for now. I will eventually get the three times a week going again but it’s not where I am, for now.

Meditate once a day- There is an application for that, it motivates me by giving me a “consistency reward” I take great pride in seeing the number of minutes and days I have accomplished in my meditation goal.

I am all for goals and achieving them but sometimes we doom ourselves by having too many goals to start. Or, we have really vague goals like “read more” or “eat healthier”

What does that mean?

For example, I said I was going to drink water every day for three months before it actually became a reality.  I have to say that now that it is, drinking water gives me more energy and I have noticed my skin is clearer.

It took almost 6 months of going to the gym to consistently to get me back up to twice a week and then finally three times a week.  Then I had a breakdown in that goal because we all got sick and it became more important to NOT go to the gym and rest our bodies.

It’s amazing, Rest is the thing that helps the MOST, and it’s what we try, LAST. 

Next goal, meditate every day. The meditation was easier because it’s a great way to wind down my day and really helps me to relax, relax, relax as my mother of choice would say.  I love headspace, but there are multiple options out there.

https://www.headspace.com/

The reading is a nice idea but it was an ill-defined goal.

Read what? For how long? Why?  I love to read, so I have started to build it into my lunch breaks.  I can set a timer and read career growth articles or my (very much not a career growth) book for 10 minutes. It may take another month for me to actually get it on a good schedule and cadence and that is still progress.

Always remembering, the goal is progress, not perfection. 

The gurus will tell you to “shoot for the moon and you will land among the stars.”

Sounds good, doesn’t it? Well, I take issue with it because it’s really non-specific, it’s not measurable and you have no idea if you “did it”.

I think all goals should be Smart- I didn’t make this up, but here is my breakdown:

Smart- You have a handle on it- you know what it looks like to go after it

Measurable- Can you measure it? If your goal is to lose weight, what’s the result you are going for to see measure success- inches? pounds? You have to decide.

Actionable- Is there an action to take? If you want to write a book, how many pages will you write? A day? A week? A month?

Relevant- Is it relevant to your personal mission statement ? Well let’s see-

“I am a mom, speaker, and activist passionately committed to inspiring others to live their best life. ” (yep, it checks that box, so it’s relevant) 

Time- bound- Put a deadline on it. I will have (goal/measure) _______  by ______ (date)

Just started to feel real, didn’t it?  As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry says, 

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.”

By the way, if you don’t have a personal mission statement, I highly recommend you get one, that way as you work to make decisions about what to say yes to and what to pursue, you run it through that filter and then it gets a whole lot clearer what you need to say “yes” and “no” to, when opportunities are presented to you.

Remember, your goal is progress, not perfection. Don’t get lost in the lie that you have to do it perfectly,  because you WILL fail, it’s that simple, it’s whether you will get back up and try again, I think you will.  I believe in you!

Think About It.

Dear Readers, When was the last time you took stock of the things you have accomplished?

I have to admit it’s been a while for us, and today I got a really nice reminder of how important it is to look back at where you were so you can focus on where you want to go.

This picture is of me coloring our debt free scale- we colored up as you can see, since the goal was 0.00.  At this point in time, we still owed 7,985.33. It was important to us to mark the occasion and so we did on this scale we had. It was one of the milestones and we chose to mark that with a nice dinner.

It can be tiresome to work towards a goal, you need rewards to keep you motivated and on the path.

For example, I had to stop working out for a while as our entire family was sick and as we recovered, I needed to give my body a full rest so I am starting over on the workouts, the swimming and the running. This hurts because I was well on my way to a half marathon when the plague hit our household.

Then again, when viewed through the look back lens, I see the progress I have made and the things that I have already accomplished and I am certain that I did myself a LOT more good by taking that two month break from the gym so I did not relapse or hurt myself by working out before I was ready.

So my message today is simple, take stock and look back at the things that you have accomplished and take a moment and feel proud of what you did then but even prouder of what lies ahead.

What if you give up JUST as you are about to accomplish your goal?

You would never know how close you came because you gave up.

Think About It.

Dear Readers,

I hate the phrase killing time. It’s the only commodity that is not recoverable or renewable or reproducible.

I think that when people say “killing time” they are not thinking about the consequence of killing time means you are quite likely wasting it.

I was thinking about this over cocktails and scones with my good friend as we watched the royal wedding which took place real-time some months ago. 

However, we both wanted to watch it together so we made a plan that we would watch it on OUR time, and when we were both “free”. It was lovely catching up and oohing over the glorious chapeau we saw onscreen. The experience was no less diminished because it was not live or the events had transpired earlier.

I think it really comes down to intention. If your intention is to “kill time” what are you doing? If your intent is to “spend time” what are you doing? I am pretty sure the answers vary widely and you will find a lot more value when you choose to “spend” time.

Think about it this way. Why would you choose to “kill time” when you can invest your time or spend your time wisely.  “Quality Time” is considered a love language – (for more on that- see here)  https://jenniferhastonsays.com/2015/09/18/whats-your-love-language/

Would you ever choose to “kill your money” ????????

You can earn more money, you can lose or gain weight but there is no such thing as getting back time.  Unless you are in a certain movie from the 1980’s.

Think About It.

Dear Readers,

I know it sounds like a really bad prequel to “Law and Order” but it’s not.

It’s actually a reference to what we do in life, from the moment we are born.

We try to walk, we fall. We try again and again and again until we do it.

We try to talk, we make a lot of unintelligible sounds and then all of a sudden we sound intelligent.

We attempt something, we fail. We attempt something else.

It takes a lot of courage to do this day and day out and it’s an act of courage to live a life out loud and full of purpose. I don’t know if you have experienced this but when you are enthusiastic and shall we say, loud, it makes waves. People notice.

My advice to you? Be you and do the things that matter to you.

The world is not served by you playing small, or thinking you are less than what you are a beautiful and unique creature designed with a wonderful spark that makes you you.

Sometimes the flame can be snuffed out but if you look for it, it can always come back.

Get off the bench, go make BIG plays. The world truly is yours for the taking.

Be bold, and ask for EXACTLY what you want and if you stumble, try again.

Along the way, if you are disappointed in what happens to you, be disappointed, feel it to the core of your being and really acknowledge the upset and sadness.

As my mother of choice says, “have a pity party, go there, and be there when you are, just don’t stay”- Wise words.

My focus tends to be on the pushing through, the next step, so I invite you to fully explore your feelings about something before “moving on” no matter how much the “world” wants to tell you. “Get over it”

Trial and Error, my friend. It’s a real thing, you live it and do it, every single day.

Think About It. 

Dear Readers,

I have oft maligned the internet on this blog and the way it distracts us from being “here” now, however, it definitely has it’s benefits.

You never know who might be watching you and inspired by your journey.

You never know who could be listening to you when you give a speech. Your words, your story may be the difference between them fighting another day or giving up completely.

We are so powerful and we don’t begin to grasp how powerful.

You also don’t need to be physically there to inspire or motivate others. 

What am I talking about? Well, take this picture for instance, It’s a picture of 4 women who supported each other on the road to debt-freedom. When we “met” some in person and some via the internet, each one of us was in debt and working hard to unshackle the chains of debt that were strangling each of us.

Slowly but surely (like the tortoise winning the race) we all became debt-free.

Let’s take a minute and just breathe that in. WE ARE DEBT FREE!

These women are incredibly inspiring and passionate and have their own story to share, but I will hit a few highlights for you.

Juante is a dear friend who I “met” via the internet and supported her and she supported me as we walked down this road together. She is a soon to be published author and a life coach who inspires other people for a living. She is a ray of sunshine and just having her around enriches your space.

Chrishawn – my sweet friend who is a fashion plate and I always want to wear her clothes. She is a dedicated and passionate paralegal who worked diligently with her husband to get out of debt, and she was ruthlessly organized about it, her spreadsheets and countdowns are a thing of beauty, trust me! She also has a wonderful laugh and tells great stories.

Erin- my lovely friend who home schools her kids and is a passionate crusader against debt, she and her husband also worked their bahookies off to get out of debt. They worked extra jobs and got their kids involved too! Erin teaches a financial class about every quarter to help inspire others. She isn’t naming names but recently some of her students told her that they were so inspired that they were teaching their own class!

All three of these women at one point or another lifted me up or encouraged me as we walked down this road together. One sent me a locket with the date we became debt free on it 11/16/15 to commemorate the milestone. One of them met me for for coffee so we could catch up and she could meet my little girl. One of them sent me a some text messages when we hit a setback. Yes, I am praising a text message, sometimes it can be EXACTLY what you need.

My preference will ALWAYS be a face to face meeting (see picture above for proof)

However, when there is a gap of distance between you that requires an airplane or train or a pretty long drive, a text message, or a well placed message on social media can do wonders for your heart and your soul.

Thanks for pointing that out, Alexandra – “A text message is also a connection”

Well said, friend.

So good things come to those who wait, this picture took 4 years to happen, and it finally did, It makes my heart sing to look at it and see what it represents.

A very public thank you to all three of you amazing, wonderful and supportive women!

Remember, you never know who might be watching your struggle and gaining strength from your successes and failures.

Think About It.

Dear Readers,

I don’t know about you, but when I hear the word “feedback” I cringe inwardly and usually brace myself to receive the (surely negative) words coming my way.

However, like so many things, it seems to me that it’s all in how you frame it.

If you are expecting negativity, you will likely hear whatever someone says as negativity even if they are pouring sunshine and rainbows your way.

If you are expecting to hear positive things you will tend to frame it that way, even if someone is saying fairly harsh things.

If you are asking someone you trust and admire for feedback and choose to get defensive, you miss a great opportunity to gain something important amidst your own inability to listen openly or your own attachment to your work.

Conversely, if someone gives you feedback that you aren’t welcoming or expecting it can really affect your ability to take it in.

I think there is a very large gap between when you ask someone for feedback and when they just offer it. It’s all about asking for the permission.

Feedback typically means you can’t change the outcome, it’s already happened and that can tend to make you feel pretty defeated. Feedforward has such a proactive stance and it’s absolutely something you can apply.

I can definitely say I feel better about the phrasing, “Something I would try…” or “Based on what I see, I suggest” because it leaves the control in the hands of the person you are advising.

I am in the process of asking for a LOT of feedback on a personal project and it’s a humbling experience to be open and asking people for it continuously, taking the feedback and then applying it, and then asking for more feedforward.

This process is growing me and teaching me things about how and when and in what fashion to give my own dose of feeedback/feedforward when I next get the permission and opportunity.

What do you do with feedback? Take it? Reject it? A mix of both?

Think About It….

Dear Readers,

Today my husband and I celebrate our marriage which occurred on a very very very very very very HOT day in July. (my husband enjoys reminding me of this so I need to be sure to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I remember being excited about the wedding and happy that the people I loved most were in my wedding party or getting ready to meet me at the end of the aisle.

I wish I could say that I KNEW then that we would be here today, but you don’t KNOW that. You hope that, and you work towards that, AND I don’t think anyone gets married with the idea that “well, maybe it will work out, and maybe it won’t”

What I can say is that I KNEW we loved each other and I KNEW that we were both committed and spent the last 2 and half years planning (7 years married, 10 together) the wedding of my dreams and designing the marriage that WE wanted.

Something my darling husband says to me all the time, especially when we face difficulty (together) is “We will figure it out”. I love this because it reinforces the idea that there is a solvable problem on the table and that WE will figure it out. Not him, not me, but WE.

In looking back on the last seven years, I have definitely learned a lot about our relationship and each other and with this anniversary I have these takeaways to share.

1. Sometimes it is a better idea to go to bed angry than to stay up arguing.
2. Remember, you are on the same team, the second you start saying “Well, if he would just…” or “If only she would…” Nope. WE.
3. You WILL have hard times, remember that you also have each other.
4. If you are angry now, think before you speak. “will this matter in 2 hours? 2 days? 2 months? 2 years? (I struggle with this and it’s getting better all the time)
5. Remember that you can “react” or “respond” to what your partner says. Responding is a lot more difficult and ultimately healthier for your relationship.
6. Have fun, laugh and ENJOY your partner.
7. Remember, “YES means YES”!!!!- don’t pretend something is acceptable to you if in reality it bothers you. For more on this, see the phenomenal Avery couple talking about the relationship game changer in their marriage https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKyaGBJxCYo

Oh and being from Louisiana, this is the lagniappe ( it means you get it for free )

Be your partner’s biggest cheerleader!

Oh and one more thing- HAPPY ANNIVERSARY JEREMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Readers,

My daughter taught me something on Saturday.

I noticed the temperature was a reasonable 80 degrees and that it was our first less than 100 degree day in weeks so I headed to the park with her.

As we pulled up, it started to rain and I thought, well we should probably head home.

Vivienne was trailing her fingers against the pane of the window and smiling so I thought, well why not go play in the rain, after all it’s only drizzling and we have been cooped up in that house for the last month because it was either too hot or we were too sick to go out.

So I got my umbrella and took her hand and we started walking.

I kept being torn between wanting her to have fun and splash in the rain and dirt but not wanting her to be messy (since I had not planned to be in the rain I had no towel) but eventually gave up and let her be in the rain as she wished.

The most fun we had was on the swing, she laughed and I laughed as I pushed her higher and higher.  I realized that it was the first time in a while that we had gone to the park and I made a mental note to do it more.

I am not a professional photographer, but every once in a while I get a few good shots. I am particularly happy with this because it will help me remember, that it’s okay to play in the rain, in fact it’s a good idea to do it whenever you can.

It’s so easy to forget, that I want to say thank you to my daughter who reminded me how important it is to play.

Think About It.

Dear Readers,

Today I was in an Agile class that I am lucky enough to be taking in conjunction with my job. One of the major components of the Agile methodology is to try something and if it doesn’t work, try something else.

Inherent in that instruction is the idea that not only will you fail, you are expected to fail and are in fact given permission to fail.

This is a concept I learned about a long time ago when I got involved with improvisational acting.  It was one of the first exercises I learned.

You make a mistake (on purpose!!!!!!!!!) take a deep bow and say, “I FAILED”

It was so incredibly freeing and we even called it a “failure bow” so you acknowledged the fail and then moved on with the next scene. It was great!

I think far too often we are so wrapped up in looking perfect and being just right and doing things JUST so, that we miss the opportunity to embrace the unknown, the missteps and the happy accidents that come with experimentation.

What can you open up for yourself if you gave yourself permission to not be perfect, or better yet, give yourself permission to “play” and then it’s a game and if you lose, you learn and if you win, that’s good too.

What do you need to do to unlock yourself from perfect?

What if you thought of FAIL as — “First Attempt At Learning” (like the picture says)

Can you let go of the idea that you have to be perfect? Can you open yourself up to the notion of play and experimentation? What might happen? What can you learn?

I say to you, I give you permission to fail, I give you permission NOT to be perfect, in fact, embrace the opportunity to try something completely new, which by the way, means you won’t be perfect, because you can’t be new and perfect at the same time.

Think About It.