TheBossOfBalance

Sometimes Life is Hard, and saying “it could be worse” isn’t a comfort, its a cover

December 3, 2015December 3, 2015 TheBossOfBalance1 Comment

Dear Readers!

If it sucks say so, don’t try to color it with “it could be worse” or “well at least…”

I have been going back and forth about this for a few days and I finally decided to to just tell it like it is and say this sucks. Period.. No qualifiers, no positive spin. I am very much a fan of spin but now is not that time.

First, I found out this week that I have to get dental work done… after having a great check up and feeling GREAT about things. I could easily say, at least its two teeth not four.. but I don’t want to. I want to wallow and be hacked off (and I AM) that even though I put in all that work brushing and flossing and paid rapt attention to my teeth, I still have to get them worked on because I have inherited bad teeth and try as I might this still plagues me, I am in charge of what I can do about it, but it allows me limited control which for those who know me is also something I LOVE. (insert heavy sarcasm here)

Second, we just PAID off our car which is awesome, and we had a great time with family and friends over Thanksgiving but on the way home we hit a deer (we are 100% fine) but it really damaged the car. We don’t know what will happen not sure how much the repairs will cost but right now I just want to be frustrated.

Third- A friend of mine is having a really rough time with her family at the moment and I have no good advice. All the words in the world will not bring comfort. It sucks OUT LOUD. I can’t help. I can pray for her and send her good vibes and hug her and cry with her but that is all I can do.

I usually use this blog to post about how life can be hard, but keep your chin up and how there is always a silver lining if you look for it.. but sometimes life sucks and you have to cry, scream or curse to get to what is next and that process can be days, weeks, months or even years.

I want to always be real with you and I have seen that kind of authenticity create magic and connection where there was none, people are much more willing to share with you when you share with them.

So what is my point? When someone tells you that they are upset, listen- Don’t just jump in with advice. Or if someone is crying, let them cry, don’t try to stop them. A song I have deep emotional connection to is “Sad Songs Say So Much” by Elton John – The lyrics speak for themselves

“The kick inside is in the line that finally gets to you and it feels so good to hurt so bad, or suffer just enough to sing the blues”

So be a gift to someone else today and listen to them or if there is someone you have been “meaning to call” pick up the phone and even if its just a text, let them know you are there.

Think about it…..

14 Things I Am Grateful for…. How about you?

November 25, 2015 TheBossOfBalanceLeave a comment

Dear Readers,

Today I am taking the time to say thanks- While tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I think its worth taking the time today to thank people and then tomorrow, focus on being with family and not worried about my blog.

I am thankful for my husband and our relationship. Its not perfect but its pretty great!
I am thankful to have health, not everyone does
I am thankful that we own a dog now, and am kind of amazed at how much it has enriched our lives in a short time
I am thankful to live in a country where I can express my beliefs and thoughts without fear of retribution
I am thankful for cranberry sauce and stuffing
I am grateful after three years of work and sacrifice we are debt free
I am thankful for good friends
I am thankful for family of choice spread across the map
I am thankful for the opportunity to give back to the community
I am thankful for my Mom who always has a corny joke to share to make me smile when things seem pretty hopeless
I am thankful for my niece Quinn and her super great hugs
I am thankful for my Toastmasters club and their constant striving for greatness (We are the Greatest Toastmasters Club in the Known Universe so that takes time and effort)
I am thankful to God who gave me the ability to write and speak and motivate others with this blog and speeches
I am grateful for the opportunity to work for a company where my enthusiasm is not only encouraged it is rewarded and applauded.

What are you grateful for? Considering that we all have things that are rough in our lives, sometimes its hard to find that “happy” but in most cases if you scratch the surface you can quickly find something to be grateful for and focus on that, not the negative.

thankful

Bonus points— If you are having trouble finding the “happy”- Might I suggest you try this.. http://100happydays.com/ I am on Day 63 and I have to say it has made me much more grateful for the “little” and “big” things!

Think About It……

We are DEBT FREE!!

November 17, 2015December 24, 2015 TheBossOfBalance6 Comments

Dear Readers, I am delighted to tell you that after 3 years of hard work and sacrifice and budgeting my husband and I are very excited to share that we are completely and utterly out of debt! 11/16/2015 – DEBT FREE DAY!

We have both worked extra hours, second jobs and paid careful attention to how the dollars and cents were spent, but mostly, we were intentional with our money and the ways we directed it to work hard for us and moving towards this goal of being debt-free.

Here it is by the numbers– 3 years, over 30K– 🙂

Started November 2012- Ended November 2015

0.00 REMAINS!!!!/ 36,945.91 PAID OFF

DEAD CHEETAH!! We are DEBT FREE!!

Why is this important? Well for one thing, when you are out of debt, you have the ability to take the money that was previously funneled to car payments, student loans and credit card payments you can save that money and possibly even invest it. This is not new advice, in fact its what your grandmother teaches you if you are lucky enough to have smart and savvy grandparents. It is nicely packaged in the program presented by the Ramsey Solutions Team in Nashville.

Five years ago, my good friend Keely Locke and I were brainstorming about how to plan my upcoming nuptials on a budget. My fiance and I were in debt in the single life but we did not want to go into further debt to get married. She gave me a book called “More than Enough” by Dave Ramsey and it seemed like a good idea but I didn’t really think we needed it since we weren’t super heavy in debt but I did think it was a good book and wanted to continue down the path we were on which was not adding debt to our respective totals. Later in the planning, I realized how expensive things were going to be and heard about a live event happening in San Antonio so went in the car and went to the event. Dave Ramsey is an excellent speaker, and whether you agree with his politics or not, what he says makes a lot of sense. I found myself wired and fired to GET OUT OF DEBT— after this event

If you are unfamiliar with him and his programs, take a look at this website for the Baby Steps-

http://www.daveramsey.com/baby-steps/?snid=start.steps

This post is not about his program but hey if it interest you, you are welcome for the introduction, The main thing this post is about is the major hard work and dedication my husband and I have done to pay off 37,945.91 *to be precise* in 37 months.

We gave this speech at our Toastmasters club on 12/1/2015

It takes Communication, Organization and Dedication- Those principles can be applied to anything that takes hard work but in specific to this situation it looked like this.

Communication- We talked about what we wanted out of life and why we didn’t want to be in debt, we talked about how we would accomplish this goal and how long it would take. We discussed the sacrifices (time together while doing extra jobs and hours at work) and the steps it would take. I gave up buying movies and shoes (which was super hard because I LOVE SHOES!!!) I am planning to celebrate with a debt-free shoe shopping trip in January– (stay tuned for the blog post about that one)- Communication also comes into play when you have setbacks and trust me, we had plenty, Right there in the homestretch, we had several car repairs but because we had a plan and were patient, it wound up working out.

Organization – We had a budget, and truth be told, its a saving grace, because I really like to spend money, and having a plumb line to tell me “NO” was a good thing. We also had a rule that anything at the 50.00 or above mark MUST be discussed before a mutual agreement to purchase. We also had our own spending money to be spent on whatever the other wanted, no questions asked (keeps you sane for sure).

Dedication- Unquestionably, that has been the hardest part, when we decided we were going to do this three years ago, I delivered pizzas part-time, was a hostess at a restaurant, and finally an office assistant. All in aid of putting a little more away to help fund the debt reduction plan. The most exciting thing that happened was I discovered and created my business Haston Helping Hands (my personal coaching business) and that hustle has really taken off, in fact one of the clients I had this past year really helped move the needle for us to get the finish line even faster.

As I sit here typing this, our new dog, Cachet is sitting on my lap and its a feeling of utter happiness to be out of debt and with a dog (we wanted a dog for five years, but knew that we needed to be financially responsible before getting one) on my lap. Delayed gratification at its finest.

DebtFreeCollage

A reason, a season, or a lifetime

November 12, 2015 TheBossOfBalanceLeave a comment

Dear Readers,

I write about a lot about relationships in this blog and that is because they are VERY important to me. I think I am not alone in saying that the relationships we have are a big part of who we are. We are “relational” people. Meaning that, we are informed by our relationships with others and taking the time to determine if someone is here for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

I have to admit to making errors in this department. Many times I will think when I meet someone.. they are a lifetime friend, but it turns out that no, they were here for a season (say when I was in college or early in my dating life) – they morph into acquaintances that occasionally like posts on social media but no more effort than that is put into the relationship. But at one time, this was a person you saw daily and you were sure, “this is a lifetime friendship- It used to hurt my feelings when this happened and I took it VERY personally but now I figure, if its not meant to be, why force it?

The reason is the hardest one for me mainly because that person usually shows me something about myself that I do not like and or it can be a difficult relationship which firmly plants it in the “reason” category which is hard because growth is hard. It stretches your muscles and ligaments and makes you literally bust out of your comfort zone.

Defining these relationships helps you to clarify who you are and what you are after in life. It becomes even more important therefore to hone the skill of surrounding yourself with people who want to be in the circle. Don’t waste your time with people who don’t want to be around you. It seems pretty simple but if you are not careful you can find yourself in toxic relationships that don’t enrich you at all.

Be sure to “seek people who “fan your flames” and help you to be MORE of what you already are.

Think about it….

Your title is not what defines you, you define you

November 5, 2015 TheBossOfBalance3 Comments

Dear Readers,

As I was preparing for the “First Monday Night Prayer” which is a night our church family shares in community, food, and prayer I got to thinking about labels.

Somewhere along the road, I decided that being a Christian meant that you had to quote the bible all the time and it “looked” a certain way. I am delighted to find that life is full of so much more gray than that.

Take me for instance, I have many hats. I am a speaker, a manager, a coach, and an actor and a singer. Those are just a few. I am also a sister, an aunt, and hopefully one day, Mom. This singing that I did for the church is as a direct result of my performance history and my wanting show my love for God. This post is not so much about that as the realization that you don’t have to accept the label that people give you especially when its a negative one.

Statement- Oh, she is a Christian- so she is righteous and religious and judges me.

No, I am a Christian, who believes in God, and is here to serve others and more importantly to meet YOU where YOU are. No judging here.

Statement- Oh she is an actor- so she is flighty and undependable

No, I am an actor which means I show up on time ( to fight that stereotype ) and am dedicated to my craft and work harder than anyone you have ever seen to bring a character to life.

So what is the point in all this you ask? Simple, you are the only one who puts limits on who YOU really are. A wealth of things await you in this life, all you have to do is be brave enough to call yourself what you are and own it.

This quote from Zen Pencils (you should really check this stuff out its inspiring) really landed on me.. especially because this is one of my favourite quotes by Marianne Williamson-

http://zenpencils.com/comic/65-marianne-williamson-our-deepest-fear/

“our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate….. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure”

It was scary for me to sing for God, mostly because I have never done it before, but shining my “light” in that way made me feel really good and I hope it helped someone else see, “Hey, I could do that, too!”

Think about It….

You don’t have to be an actor to be an artist

October 30, 2015 TheBossOfBalanceLeave a comment

Dear Readers,

Sometimes I am astounded at the simplicity of what will drive me to post.

Last week, my company did an internal contest for what we can do to help our customers better or develop something that will be a great return on an investment for the company. It’s a truly awesome way to collaborate with people who you would normally never EVER talk to and interact within the walls of the company, sure you might see them in the hallway and smile awkwardly and maybe even strike up a conversation (if you are me) and find out what they do and then when they give you their title you smile blandly and say, okay so what does that actually mean?

But back to HackAway, it was a great experience to get together with other teams and work on projects to help our customers and hopefully help the company. I obviously can’t share what we did but I can tell you that their was lots of artistry that came out of the project. That is what got me thinking, you don’t have to sing, dance, act or direct to be an artist. That is by no means a comprehensive list.

There is beauty in coding and the steps to get there. I also think that seeing the design in science is something I miss a lot of the time so I am happy this project helped me to remember it and caused me to examine the way I approach a challenge in a COMPLETELY different way.

Is there something comparable at your job that you do that might be worth a second look? Can you see some science in something beautiful? Can you see something beautiful in the science? You can make data dance, go for it!

Think About It….

Listening is underrated and an underperformed act

October 23, 2015 TheBossOfBalanceLeave a comment

Dear Readers,

I had occasion to connect with a dear friend of mine on Sunday and it occurred to me how long it has been since we had time to talk. Scratch that, I talk to people all day long and they talk to me, but do we really LISTEN to each other? I am sad to say that no, that isn’t always the case.

I am diligently working on this skill and am so glad I am because in this chat, he said something I REALLY needed to HEAR. I won’t share what it was because it was important to me and will mean nothing to you. Later that night, I heard a similar thing when a friend opened up and was very upset and I didn’t have an answer which is hard but often true.

I honed that skill further when another friend in need said, I don’t want you to cheer me up (a tall order) I want you to listen, and I want to be in a dark place and be pissed at the world. I also will understand if you need to not be around me right now. Deep breath. Okay. First, you are family, I will always want to see you, and hear what you have to say.

Then in the same week, I needed to listen to myself when I was sick and needed to rest. I tend to be a workhorse, and not stopping for anything as unimportant as a little sickness, but you know what, this was not small, this was non unimportant. I needed to go home and rest. So I did. I do not regret it, your health is no small thing and I can tell you listening to your body is a great skill to develop. I am posting this picture of a coffee cup a friend gave me which I cherish and I used during one of these conversations to take a thoughtful pause when I wanted oh so badly to talk…. but what my friends needed was a listener. I encourage you to take stock and consider, Do you listen or wait…………………………………for your turn to talk?

Think About It……

Think about it.

Conflict is inevitable, Drama is a choice.

October 15, 2015 TheBossOfBalanceLeave a comment

Dear Readers,

I heard this on a podcast the other day and I can’t get it out of my head.

“Conflict is inevitable, Drama is a choice” – Chris Brown DramaChoice

In life, we WILL have conflict because we interact with people and they have their own agenda, feelings and thoughts about a given situation (just like we do!)

So many things inform this, different personality types, feelings and thoughts, background and childhood and personal life experience “They reacted this way last time so of course they will react that way this time”

Take me for example, I grew up in a household that when you spoke you were disregarded so I found the need to talk more and more and more and somehow I got it into my head that “quiet” or “no communication” means someone is angry. This is really unfortunate for me because I chose to marry a “processor”. My partner really likes to think about things and just because he is NOT talking does not mean he is mad at me. I have spent so many needless hours worried about it and actually asking him about it and having him reassure me, “no, nothing is wrong” so much so that I think I have actually CAUSED there to be an issue. Right there, I caused drama where there was none. Yes, there was conflict, but there was NO need for drama-

In some ways, that was part of my work life as well, until I took a long hard look at it and realized, Silence is just that, silence. It is not bad or wrong or the portent of something horrible. I have a pretty vivid imagination so I can take a very little amount of silence and transform it into something really ominous. In reality, I have to trust that people around me will own their feelings and not expect me to be a mind reader when they share the responsibility in the relationship to share how they feel if there is a problem. By the way, this post is not directed at anyone, I want to make that clear.

My personality is such that I am usually smiling and saying hi and am more apt to say hi or how are you doing? As such, it is my tendency to talk a lot and that is my way, but its really important for me to honor and realize not everyone else is like me so they choose to communicate differently. It is not wrong because it is not my way, it is simply not my way.

Think about it…..

Failure is not the end of your story, its just a chapter in your book

October 8, 2015 TheBossOfBalanceLeave a comment

Dear Readers,

I come to you today to talk about the journey, not the destination. I think its super easy to say, hey, I did it.. or we did it.. and bask in the glow of success never giving a though to the sacrifices and setbacks you experience among the way. For my purposes, I am going to tell you about a setback we are having right now in our journey to debt freedom.

We had projected by the end of November which is exciting and then Tuesday we found out that the car we are paying off (Murphys Law has a sense of humor) needs some repairs so the money we have been using to pay off the debt at an accelerated rate now gets to go to car repairs so its disappointing. In fact, I was trying really hard to not get excited about the debt free date at the end of November because I kept waiting for something to screw us up. Guess what, I was right. I HATE that I was right. Its certainly not the end of the world, but its worth mentioning because it is part of the journey. . (looking forward to that post when we ARE DEBT FREE) because its still coming, just slightly delayed.

In my career as an actress, I have failed many more times than I have succeeded.

I have auditioned many more times than I have “gotten the part”. As the speaker and writer Jon Acuff says, “Its about making reps”- or repetitions

Showing up to do the work, over and over, makes you READY for when they (the people casting) say YES. At the end of the day, when you get that goal, you don’t focus so much on what rejection has come before, you are so excited that you have won.

I also hurt my back in May and have not been able to keep training for the half marathon I wanted to do in January 2016, but I am focusing on the fact that I am now working my way back up to a 10K. Recently I slow jogged a 5K so 10K can’t be far behind. I am looking forward to the chapter (many months away) that I get to write about that success. Stay tuned, for more on that.

So put another way, if you fail, its not the end, its just a chapter in your book.

I love this quote from Michael Jordan who is undeniably a success story.

Think about it…..

Can you be happy for 100 days?

October 1, 2015 TheBossOfBalance1 Comment

Dear Readers!

Anyone paying a lick of attention knows that I try my best to keep a cheery disposition and some have even called me Sunshine- (a favourite amongst my plethora of monikers) so I figured this challenge to post something about being happy for 100 days would be pretty simple.

If you would like to join me- here is the site

http://100happydays.com/

One my favourite aspects of this challenge is this rule– which (if obeyed) will effectively cut out the “comparison war” we can fall prey to by taking in too much social media and not enough life. “It is not a happiness competition or a showing off contest. If you try to please / make others jealous via your pictures – you lose without even starting. ”

The person who told me about is herself, a very happy person, so I was intrigued and then after reading this, I was in..

People successfully completing the challenge claimed to:
– Start noticing what makes them happy every day;
– Be in a better mood every day;
– Start receiving more compliments from other people;
– Realize how lucky they are to have the life they have;
– Become more optimistic;
– Fall in love during the challenge.

“It is not a happiness competition or a showing off contest. If you try to please / make others jealous via your pictures – you lose without even starting. ”

Too often we measure our happiness by someone else’s yardstick. I have said it before but it bears repeating—

“Foamy soap and rock star parking rock my socks and is enough to make my day”

How about you?

Think about it!