Dear Readers, This was a Fabulous question asked by one of the seasoned people in my Toastmasters club during Table Topics this week.
As table topics go, its pretty deep, and I think that every time I speak (thanks to my good friend, Ryan Avery) I do strive to “Not give a speech” but “give a message from the heart” so I touched on some things that have made me realize I am an adult lately but that question can be taken in so many ways so thinking about it I wanted to answer it here.
I know that my life is changed because recently, when coaching someone, I felt my own spirits lift as they “got it” and I can feel good about doing work that matters every day.
I know that my life has changed because now instead of worrying about having enough, or overdraft fees or personal power outages we look for ways to give to others with our time and our money.
I know that my life changed because when I play with other people’s children, I no longer think to myself, “NEVER” I now think “Someday…” and smile.
I know that my life is changed because I am loved and love many and that was not always the case.
I know that my life has changed because this picture of me as a cabaret girl exists, I would have never have had the confidence to do that kind of photo shoot without weight loss and a very healthy body image.
So last week I posted about saying no to others and saying yes to yourself, yes to “me time” and not planning so danged much.. I did okay until people started asking me to hang out and do things I enjoy but I realized as I said yes to some of the things NOT ALL OF THE THINGS (like I normally would) that like everything else we are doing, it’s about the baby steps… one step at a time, slowly, slowly, I will get to the place where I do less and do more things just with myself and by myself.
I stopped to think about it and think the last time I did truly nothing and I couldn’t. So on Tuesday after a very productive conference call and lots of unpacking of the new house and cleaning of the old house and running ragged all day, I just went WHOA, I am done.. so I took a shower and put on seriously fuzzy socks (many of you know my penchant for those) and pajamas and sat down and watched mindless sitcoms on Netflix and just enjoyed. I did take a call from my Mom, but you know I love talking to her and just as I am learning how to take things slowly and slow the HECK down- aka STOP DOING ALL THE THINGS! she reminded me that she has the same issue but the key is take it slow and do less. So one plan a week with friends, and one date night with the husband, and one night for cleaning, etc…
It was a good reminder and after we hung up, despite being tempted to unpack another box or do the dishes I just sat and lounged doing NOTHING.
IT WAS AWESOME!
I need to remind myself of that, and take comfort in the fact that “Rome was not built in a day” and all the other cliches about things taking time. It truly does take 30 days to build a new habit and I am excited to get started!
Think about it!
Because I am only human, I posted a picture of some of the handiwork that comes from unpacking 🙂 ENJOY! oh and drink wine when you unpack, so much more fun!
Recently I realized I am doing too much aka saying yes to way too many things.
Let me give you the run-down.
1. We are packing and moving old place
2. Working full-time
3. Unpacking and organizing new place
4. In Toastmasters where I am very active as a mentor
5. Working on chartering a new Toastmasters club at work
6. Training for a 1/2 marathon
The list could go on but you get the gist. So I think my body just decided, Nope I am done because I haven’t exercised in weeks and have eaten not at all paleo, this is not me getting down on myself, just telling the truth as I have pledged to do.
So I realized that something has to give and that something is my very active social life. Let me explain, over the last few months I have gone to see shows, have coffee, dinners and all things social pretty much continually and its only now that I have pledged to commit to fully unpacking and organizing the new place before doing ANYTHING else that I am fully understanding how much of that time was planned out to be somewhere else.
However this is a yes to myself because knowing that our space is more organized, daresay CLEAN and TIDY.. perhaps that will lead to me wanting people to come visit us instead of always going somewhere else. The old place was cute but this one is nicer and more importantly, safe for me to invite people with kiddos and without!
SO what is the point, you ask? Simple. Time is the only non-renewable resource, if you squander it, its gone. So be mindful of your time, figure out where you are spending it and DECIDE if you want to do the things you are doing or just blindly saying YES when you might need to say NO.
Dear Readers, Within the last two years I have begun to care more about my body and this has led to healthier eating and regular exercise. It started with my husband finding and implementing the paleo diet in our lives. It should not be work to love yourself just as you are, but given my childhood and upbringing and the constant echoes of “if you would just lose the weight, you have such a pretty face” Even now, I feel a hot tear starting down my face as I type that but I am casting this demon into the light and sharing in hopes that it will be terrified of the light and scamper off like an unwanted cockroach. For starters, does this look like a child with a weight problem to you?
I have not been practicing this art very long (*2 years in the span of 38 is not even a third of one’s life) so to truly believe it will take time and the forming of a habit. I decided to go for it this week and just eat exactly what I wanted to eat.
Why am I telling you this? I hopes my honesty with a difficult subject will help you be honest with yourself and love yourself more. In a culture that constantly tells men and women to feel bad about ourselves, or to strive to look better or do better or exercise more, I really want to accept myself just as I am. It’s an ongoing quest in the battle for love of self and the end of food shame.
I am not saying that I am going to stop eating well altogether or exercising but after a refresher from the book, “French Women Don’t Get Fat” by Mireille Guiliano, I am reminded of the importance of her main concept which is “bien dans sa peau” which roughly translated is feeling well in your own skin.. or loving yourself as you are.
Much like the title character in Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, “Eat, Pray, Love” I am not going for obesity but am DONE with the guilt. Now I have to keep saying that to believe it.
So I will not be beating myself up for the last week and rather call it what it was. “Vacation from Health” and now the new normal is eating healthy and no longer thinking or calling myself fat at all. I AM NOT FAT! I know that I am not the only one who struggles with this so please give me your best tips and tricks and ideas to share.. I am eager to hear YOUR stories and about YOUR journey with this issue.
Please comment below or email me at jenniferhastonsays@gmail.com
Often I remark to my husband how simply amazing he is. He brushes off the compliment or says thank you grudgingly but every day I am touched in places I didn’t even know I HAD- (back when I was dating losers and SETTLING in every way possible) by the little simple things he does to make my lift better, easier, and just plain fun.
Exhibit A- After our trip away this weekend, he noticed my tire was low and even though he had the next morning to sleep in, he got up without complaint and followed me on my way to work to be sure I didn’t have a blow out on the way to air it up.
Exhibit B- We are moving, which is fun (you get a new place) and annoying (you have to pack) but he is making it really easy by having us pack a little each day (his idea and talk about a stress reliever) especially when I came home the other night to find he had packed the entire garage while I was at work.
Exhibit C- I got a ticket for running a red light yesterday, which is embarrassing and I was so worried about him being mad and he smiled and said, “We will figure it out” and started looking up defensive driving classes and telling me about how we can fight the ticket (which I plan to.. that light was SO YELLOW!) which was such a relief to me because it encapsulates so beautifully his whole philosophy for any obstacles that come our way.
“WE” will figure it out.
After we were married, It took me a minute (read months) to get used to this pronoun, and at times, I resented having to “check in” to be sure “we” were free before making plans or if I was going to be out late with the girls… but now I cherish it. We are a team, and together we are better and stronger than we could ever be apart.
I could go on and on.. and often do but the biggest point of all this.. is that every day I fall a little more in love with this man who is literally the most understanding guy I have ever met and makes my world a fabulous one.. this picture is an example of how even if he is in pain, (he had hit his toe with a hammer the day before) he will take a foot picture for me..just because I ask.
I am in the midst of taking a course on personal growth and advancement and part of the homework assignment is to ask your nearest and dearest what they think are 3 personal strengths you possess.
The point of this exercise is to get you to see things about yourself that you don’t really see (usually because you are focused on challenges and opportunities) You are also supposed to list what you think your strengths are and not focus on your weaknesses which is where most of us tend to spend the most amount of time.
I don’t know what I was expecting to hear but it was really gratifying and humbling to hear things about myself I have not ever thought of as a strength but
“something I just do”
It reaffirms something I have long believed, we are all much more influential and powerful than we give ourselves credit for being. Put another way, we are our own worst critic. So I challenge you to do this for yourself, ask your circle what they see as your biggest strengths and be prepared to really take it in and not brush aside that assessment.
Think about it!
“When you build on your strengths, the activities using those strengths come more easily to you” -Deepak Chopra
Sometimes your passion for the topic needs to be stronger than your passion for people to like you. For a former people pleaser like me, this is a hard won lesson.
I gave a speech recently at my Toastmasters Club about how it is STUPID to TEXT and DRIVE- Check it out..Let me know your thoughts at jenniferhastonsays@gmail.com or comment below!
Dear Readers, I consider myself to be a very independent, take charge kind of woman so it’s always surprising to me how freeing it is to hand off something to my husband or close friends to handle. The offer comes so often, “let me know if I can help.” “Let me know what I can do” but we so rarely take it!
When was the last time you asked for help or support? Are you afraid to do that? Why? There is a reason that TEAM stands for
Together
Everyone
Accomplishes
More
Don’t be scared to ask for help, the response you get might REALLY surprise you!
My blog is directly related to the things that happen or don’t happen in my life and I do my best to be honest with you, my readers, in the hope that something I say will inspire you to action in your own life. So here is my question-
Is your friendship on life support?The more important question is- Should it be or is it time to pull the plug?
A few caveats, people get sick, they have kids, they have other friends, jobs, and responsibilities and for that I do make allowances until it becomes clear that the person I am trying to be friends with doesn’t really care about me at all. This is the time when you just have to say enough is enough and pull the plug. The catalyst for me making this decision was a few weeks ago, I went to The Smart Conference in Dallas and was privileged to hear Dr. Henry Cloud (author of the book , “Necessary Endings” who gave a really excellent speech about the necessary pruning we must do in our lives. In a nutshell, he talks about getting rid of the relationships or aspects of our lives that are “dead or dying” — which got me thinking, how
So a few words about this, there are relationships that grow you and change you and support you and there are then people who just make you feel bad about yourself or can ONLY talk about themselves and spending time with them is always a version of The __________ Show — (you know what I mean) and those are the ones I am proposing you prune. Life is too short, we all have lots of things we are doing so I tell you now, the next time you set up plans to spend time with someone think about what you get out of that friendship. This is not about “what have you done for me lately?” this is about what does “this friendship” do for me?
On Sunday, I ran a 10 mile race. It was harder than I thought and easier than I thought. It should be noted that like so many other things in life this is a baby step of many to get me to that marathon status which is down the road for me.
First of all, I should clarify something, up till Sunday, I had only done 5K’s but after Sunday, I have now done a 15K!!!!!!
a brief recap
Vern’s No Frills- January 18, 2014
Biggest Loser- March 29, 2014
Color Run- May 24, 2014
Casa 5K-September 21, 2014
Holiday 5K Zilker- December 6, 2014
Austin 1020- 10 Mile Run Walk– March 29, 2015
That is 6 different events spanned over several months.. but its worth mentioning that each time I ran (this weekend being no exception) it was different– Vern’s No Frills was crazy cold and and we walked more than we ran but, baby steps. The Biggest Loser was great weather and the run went really well, my partner Susie said she had NEVER seen me run that fast. The Color Run was a LOT of walking.. I just wasn’t in shape for that one.. It was tagged as a FUN run and that was more about me getting out of my comfort zone (see I hate being messy) than a run… CASA was crazy hot and the worst race conditions.. but it was my husband’s first run and super fun to have him there along with Jessica and Adam, Susie, Keely, Michael and CJ.. our team also raised a lot of money for CASA so it was lucrative in other ways. Holiday 5K was actually a 3K but I kept going to make it a full 5K, wasn’t ready for that one either and it was a pretty rough “trail run” and at night.. won’t be doing that again.
So, 10 miles — what can I say about that.. First, I found myself thinking pretty nasty thoughts about the runners ahead of me when I was on mile 4 and they were on mile 8…. ( I think its pretty natural to hate the runner ahead of you sorry but its true… ) Second, the people behind me, I felt pretty good I was ahead of them but was working on keeping myself motiviated. Flashback to before the race, you know how when a big event is looming and you go back and forth between looking forward to it and dreading it/ getting nervous about it? What do you do about that?
I employed several devices. I asked for support from all my “fans” on facebook and twitter and asked some people for some support and motivational messages. It is HARD for me to ask for help but I really needed it. The response was overwhelming. I had people post to support me that I don’t even know that well and tell me how much what I was doing was inspiring them. It really helped drive home the fact that one person really does make a difference. I also drank water and made the decision that while it would be slow (turtle trudging through mud) I would do it and finish. It wasn’t an option to stop and it wasn’t an option to quit.I also had Susie and Jessica who kept encouraging me through the weeks before the race that I could and would in fact do it.
As I say so often, because it is so true, It is allllllll about the baby steps-
I compare it to our debt-free journey. We have been doing lots of things to get debt-free but there are no short-cuts and slow, plodding, step by baby step, dollar by dollar, mile by mile we WILL get there. At one point during the race, I thought to myself it is funny, when you are in it, it doesn’t seem that hard, but before it you build up all this anticipation about how hard it is GOING to be. Mental note to self- Think less, do more. The person who got me through it when the going got hardest was Jessica, she had a running commentary about how I was getting my money’s worth by taking it slowly and not “racing” to the finish. She joined me at mile 4.2 to keep me going, support me and NOT LET ME QUIT. She told me she was proud of me throughout and it really helped to move me through it. At the last mile, (she went above and beyond by pretending to be a cheetah coming to “get” gazelle me (with sound effects) which helped me put some extra bounce in my final steps. As they say, you want to run to the finish, not walk.
JMac finishes 10 miles!
I told her I wanted to finish by myself and I did. It FELT INCREDIBLE to take that last stride and finish. I feel extremely accomplished but its important to note, I did not do this alone. I had support and that made all the difference.
Think about it……… and go support someone’s goal today. And if you are pursuing a goal, ASK for help! Sometimes that one encouraging word, phone call, or note can make the difference.
Haston Helping Hands 