My blog is directly related to the things that happen or don’t happen in my life and I do my best to be honest with you, my readers, in the hope that something I say will inspire you to action in your own life. So here is my question-
Is your friendship on life support?The more important question is- Should it be or is it time to pull the plug?
A few caveats, people get sick, they have kids, they have other friends, jobs, and responsibilities and for that I do make allowances until it becomes clear that the person I am trying to be friends with doesn’t really care about me at all. This is the time when you just have to say enough is enough and pull the plug. The catalyst for me making this decision was a few weeks ago, I went to The Smart Conference in Dallas and was privileged to hear Dr. Henry Cloud (author of the book , “Necessary Endings” who gave a really excellent speech about the necessary pruning we must do in our lives. In a nutshell, he talks about getting rid of the relationships or aspects of our lives that are “dead or dying” — which got me thinking, how
So a few words about this, there are relationships that grow you and change you and support you and there are then people who just make you feel bad about yourself or can ONLY talk about themselves and spending time with them is always a version of The __________ Show — (you know what I mean) and those are the ones I am proposing you prune. Life is too short, we all have lots of things we are doing so I tell you now, the next time you set up plans to spend time with someone think about what you get out of that friendship. This is not about “what have you done for me lately?” this is about what does “this friendship” do for me?
On Sunday, I ran a 10 mile race. It was harder than I thought and easier than I thought. It should be noted that like so many other things in life this is a baby step of many to get me to that marathon status which is down the road for me.
First of all, I should clarify something, up till Sunday, I had only done 5K’s but after Sunday, I have now done a 15K!!!!!!
a brief recap
Vern’s No Frills- January 18, 2014
Biggest Loser- March 29, 2014
Color Run- May 24, 2014
Casa 5K-September 21, 2014
Holiday 5K Zilker- December 6, 2014
Austin 1020- 10 Mile Run Walk– March 29, 2015
That is 6 different events spanned over several months.. but its worth mentioning that each time I ran (this weekend being no exception) it was different– Vern’s No Frills was crazy cold and and we walked more than we ran but, baby steps. The Biggest Loser was great weather and the run went really well, my partner Susie said she had NEVER seen me run that fast. The Color Run was a LOT of walking.. I just wasn’t in shape for that one.. It was tagged as a FUN run and that was more about me getting out of my comfort zone (see I hate being messy) than a run… CASA was crazy hot and the worst race conditions.. but it was my husband’s first run and super fun to have him there along with Jessica and Adam, Susie, Keely, Michael and CJ.. our team also raised a lot of money for CASA so it was lucrative in other ways. Holiday 5K was actually a 3K but I kept going to make it a full 5K, wasn’t ready for that one either and it was a pretty rough “trail run” and at night.. won’t be doing that again.
So, 10 miles — what can I say about that.. First, I found myself thinking pretty nasty thoughts about the runners ahead of me when I was on mile 4 and they were on mile 8…. ( I think its pretty natural to hate the runner ahead of you sorry but its true… ) Second, the people behind me, I felt pretty good I was ahead of them but was working on keeping myself motiviated. Flashback to before the race, you know how when a big event is looming and you go back and forth between looking forward to it and dreading it/ getting nervous about it? What do you do about that?
I employed several devices. I asked for support from all my “fans” on facebook and twitter and asked some people for some support and motivational messages. It is HARD for me to ask for help but I really needed it. The response was overwhelming. I had people post to support me that I don’t even know that well and tell me how much what I was doing was inspiring them. It really helped drive home the fact that one person really does make a difference. I also drank water and made the decision that while it would be slow (turtle trudging through mud) I would do it and finish. It wasn’t an option to stop and it wasn’t an option to quit.I also had Susie and Jessica who kept encouraging me through the weeks before the race that I could and would in fact do it.
As I say so often, because it is so true, It is allllllll about the baby steps-
I compare it to our debt-free journey. We have been doing lots of things to get debt-free but there are no short-cuts and slow, plodding, step by baby step, dollar by dollar, mile by mile we WILL get there. At one point during the race, I thought to myself it is funny, when you are in it, it doesn’t seem that hard, but before it you build up all this anticipation about how hard it is GOING to be. Mental note to self- Think less, do more. The person who got me through it when the going got hardest was Jessica, she had a running commentary about how I was getting my money’s worth by taking it slowly and not “racing” to the finish. She joined me at mile 4.2 to keep me going, support me and NOT LET ME QUIT. She told me she was proud of me throughout and it really helped to move me through it. At the last mile, (she went above and beyond by pretending to be a cheetah coming to “get” gazelle me (with sound effects) which helped me put some extra bounce in my final steps. As they say, you want to run to the finish, not walk.
JMac finishes 10 miles!
I told her I wanted to finish by myself and I did. It FELT INCREDIBLE to take that last stride and finish. I feel extremely accomplished but its important to note, I did not do this alone. I had support and that made all the difference.
Think about it……… and go support someone’s goal today. And if you are pursuing a goal, ASK for help! Sometimes that one encouraging word, phone call, or note can make the difference.
Next Sunday I will walk and run in a 10 mile race. So scary to see that in black and white.. but its the truth, I put my money down, I have trained and prepared and am on the cusp of accomplishing a BIG HAIRY AUDACIOUS GOAL.
In the history of the world, at one time or another there was time that something had not yet been done.
While running a 10 mile run is not on par with discovering a cure for cancer (as yet undone but any day now someone is going to wow us with that one) for my life it recommends a sea change in activity, lifestyle, health and overall goal-setting.
I invite you reading this to approach any goal or change in your life in the same way. Just this morning, one of my running buddies helped me see how important it is to take stock in what you have done, are doing and have yet to DO.
Texting and Driving is stupid. I know, I know. You only do it when at a red light or in traffic and stopped or when you are SURE its safe. Why risk it? I know, you are busy and this time is really important to be sure you have multi-texted your way through a red light. Heaven forbid, you actually be present in your own life and ENJOY traffic, yep I said enjoy traffic. Seriously, think about this.
When was the last time you were bored? Really, no phone, no facebook, no emails to read. Just sitting and staring into space. I bet you can’t remember. We are so caught up in that next post, what’s next fever that we can’t even bear to be bored.
It’s actually important to take this time- Studies show that spacing out inspires creativity and deep contemplation. Be present. Text or Drive. Do not do both!
We are so wrapped up in being connected, we sometimes miss out on real connections.
Marcelo Gleiser a world-renowned theoretical physicist and cosmologist said this-Technology should serve to enhance how people experience our world, and not as a substitution for experience itself.
Just two weeks ago I did my favourite kind of research. Unintentional Research .. its called life. My husband and I had carpooled to an event but I didn’t think about needing my phone or purse or anything until later that night when I realized I did not have my PHONE! The horror! My pulse quickened and my breathing was labored. My panic was literally going into overdrive.. I need my phone, I can’t text anyone about running tomorrow and how am I going to get up in the morning to run and on and on on.. So my husband said, I will wake you up and we will get up their earlier to get your car no problem. I realized that next day that the phone I was so concerned about was sitting in the console as we argued. If I had just stopped and thought about it, I would have realized, I could have sent a message on social media to my friends to confirm running the next day and used his phone or God forbid, an old-fashioned alarm clock to wake up. It’s a beautiful and terrible thing we have done to ourselves..
So this post is aimed to do two things..
One and most importantly- IF you text and drive, I beg you. STOP. The internet is populated with so many PSA’s about why its stupid, but the life you save could be your own.
Two. Find ways to be bored. Don’t depend on facebook or your phone to fill your life. Go outside (especially today, its GORGEOUS!) go talk to a stranger or go soak up the sunshine and just revel in the joy there is in being alive.
I am prepping to walk/run a 10 mile race in 24 days.. AIYEEEEE .. that is a very scary thing in black and white but its the truth and one of my running buddies said, you know I know you are busy at work but you really need to get on it to make that 10 mile race count.. I agreed with her (grudgingly) and she said.. start walking twenty minutes on your lunch. I have been at this two weeks now and I have to say it makes a world of difference in my outlook!
It truly refreshes the soul to walk away and be outside (okay its 40 degrees so I didn’t stay out there but I did walk up and down the stairs 7 times in 20 minutes)
This post is not to brag on myself, its to tell you that baby steps are crucial. I have said it time and time again. Meet yourself where you are. If you are tired today, walk for five minutes. If you are having a good day, walk for twenty.. Strive to do better tomorrow but don’t beat yourself up for what you “didn’t do” today.
Go, Do, BE! Go be Awesome — whatever that looks like for you TODAY!
I had the absolute privilege of attending a glittery gala event on Saturday (which I chose to view as a BALL that I, who never had a debutante ball (which are very big in New Orleans where I am from) would get to go to with my real-life Prince Charming. We planned for months to wear fancy outfits complete with shoes, hat and fancy hairdo. Now, I should clarify something. Prince Charming is not perfect, he is human and has flaws but he is perfect for me and I rediscover that daily. My childhood was not the happiest and when an opportunity for a do-over pops up, I have to give him credit, he really makes up for the past misdeeds of others.
So a little back story, I picked a gorgeous blue satin dress for my bridesmaids to wear to our wonderful wedding in 2011. My maids, being lovely submitted to my desire for blue (being my favourite colour it was the natural choice) and had dresses made in different styles but all in the color blue. After the wedding was over, one of them said, “I love you but I am NEVER wearing this again, do you want it? “Yes! Maybe I can wear it!” and an idea began to take shape…. now she is smaller than I am so it took me a while to be able to fit into it, but with a fabulous seamstress, paleo diet and frequent exercise I was able to wear it and if I do say so myself, I look FABULOUS! By the way, for anyone reading this, I think this a great tradition that we should start, because if you think about it, the bride really does pick the dress “she” wants and no matter how hard you try, we normally don’t pick something that flatters “you” so what a great idea to take the bridesmaid dress and recycle it into something the bride gets to wear? Maybe a dress or a purse or a skirt.. the possibilities are pretty vast!
I want to talk about the ball for a second because it was wonderful to be so dressed up and fancy and pretending to be rich (people at the next table were bidding up to 15,000 which is nowhere near our budget, YET!!!) and it was a lovely night that I will not soon forget populated by dancing, food and lively conversation
However, to be completely frank, I had just as much fun having fast food on the way home (munchies struck us!) with my very hungry man! I told him one of my favourite things about him is that he is always fun to be with whether in a drive through or arm in arm on our way to a fancy dress up ball!
Maybe its just me, but when I get a pedicure or a manicure or a massage, I always feel a little bit guilty about the money or the time or the fact that it is someone’s job to take care of my feet and hands or my hair or my back. I may be alone here but I have trouble spending money on myself. It may be a by-product of being told “Jenny, we can’t afford it” all through my life but I say its time to break that pattern. This wasn’t a habit or attitude developed in a day so it will take time to adjust. So if you hear me saying anything like that, go.. “ahem”!!!!
I work hard, and deserve to be pampered, (hard to write but its a step!)Another big step is going to a real, honest to goodness BALL (that is not a typo) with my very own Prince Charming on Saturday night. It is a dream come true to go to a BALL and to wear a fancy dress and sparkly shoes.. and I can’t wait. One of the reasons I was doing all this self-care and pampering was to be ready for that BALL!
I am not hurting anyone and some might even argue I am keeping massage therapists, hair dressers and pedicurists and manicurists employed. The other day I walked into a nail salon and they were dead (likely because it was cold) but as I let myself fully enjoy the chair massage, the arm and leg massage I realized how long it had been since I had really let myself enjoy it and not focus on my phone or my magazine or the other person I was with or more importantly feeling guilty about the sheer luxury of it, while doing this very necessary, very rejuvenating treatment for myself. My mood was much improved and I wasn’t even in a bad mood!
You don’t have to spend a lot either! I had a gift certificate from a very lovely friend and I STILL felt guilty. I don’t have the feeling that I am alone in this so shout out and share. Let’s all embrace the idea that we deserve to be pampered and this not just for women.. we all deserve to feel like queens and kings and princesses and princes (depending on your preference) I myself, prefer QUEEN!
I have signed up to do a 10 mile walk/run at the end of March and I am scared but I am doing it. Between now and then I need to run longer and faster but work myself up incrementally, I know that I can do it but it seems a daunting task at the moment. I got sick right after my birthday which impeded my progress but I am back on it now. I will work out tonight no matter how late it is or how tired I am when I get home. I know that sometimes you have to let that go and sleep instead of work out or sleep in instead of working earlier like you planned but there is also something to be said for accountability and the fact that I have told the 1087 of you following my blog that I will do it means that I have to.
A note about that, I started this blog 3 years ago and it astounds me that I have that many followers. Lots of people have a lot more and lots of people have a lot less. It’s not a measuring stick, but a factoid. If I am going to accomplish my goal of world domination it is nice to know I have that many people’s rapt attention.
I tell you this because I think it is very important we do things that scare us – To paraphrase the great director Baz Luhrman- “Do one thing every day that scares you” — I am not talking about crossing the street without looking both ways or purposely doing something you know will endanger you. I mean step up to do something that scares you because its “unfamiliar” and “unknown”. You will never truly know what you can accomplish until you try. If you don’t believe me, try it and see and then argue with me about how I was wrong. Even if you don’t succeed, you have lived a little more fully than you did the day before. We all hear those platitudes- “Seize the day” “Do one thing a day that scares you” but what do we really DO about it? Well I will tell you beyond the 10 mile walk run, I have volunteered to do a work presentation which may not seem scary but I have not done one before so I am scared and it represents a major step as well putting myself out there for an even bigger opportunity all in aid of getting to my Ted Talk.
It’s scary to type but there it is in black and white. Ted Talk, I will do a Ted Talk.
In the world of doing the baby steps I inquired and found out that you can’t even apply to give a Ted Talk till Summer 2016. I was disappointed, a big part of my “but I want it now” and the total impatience that does not go with delayed gratification but as my darling husband pointed out, this gives you time to be perfect. Well, if not perfect at least the most prepared. One more thing about that, I started realizing that if I have a long-term goal like that I need to go from that goal and work backward and develop a game plan for “getting there” much like my “steps to a marathon” coming up in March!
Think about it!
1. What represents stepping outside your comfort zone to you?
2. What is something you say that you want to do but never take any steps toward? (mine was learning French as an example)
Dear Readers, Some of you may have noticed a post missing last week some of you may not have.. Well I was sick which really made me mad because I got a flu shot, am exercising, (not as much as a should) but exercising, drinking water.. getting enough sleep.. (well again not as much as I should) ah wait, I am beginning to see a pattern here.. are you?
There is nothing like a bout with sickness to make you appreciate health. We all know what we are SUPPOSED to do for good health.. but we don’t do it.
Get 8 hours a of sleep.
Drink 64oz of water day.
Eat good for you food.
Exercise.
So when I did a personal inventory I have to admit I was pretty lacking in all of these areas, so I am renewing that effort with a vengeance. I know, I know, its not always possible to get 8 hours, kids (kids sickness), work demands, life demands but try. I tell you what, just do one thing on the list. Hydrate more.. even if it is just one of the things. Exercise– Take the stairs once a day, and take them slowly but take them. Yes, the elevator is faster, but what is your hurry? It’s your life, ticking away one minute at a time. Don’t rush, take your time. Stop and smell those roses.
I see people around me dropping like flies so I fought the good fight, I drank orange juice and did all the things I do when I get sick but I truthfully think it was my body saying, ENOUGH! I will force you to take care of yourself and if this is the only way, SO BE IT.
Don’t let this happen to you, do something to embrace your health today, its a great gift we ALL take way too much for granted.
If you have read my blog for any amount of time, you will know I am unabashedly in love with my husband. He is my Prince Charming in every sense of the word, I love him in a besotted way. I could go on and on and on… and often do!
My birthday was this past weekend and among many things we did was a movie night/date night. I got a free movie because it was my birthday (go me!) and we are on a budget so he also used a coupon for 2.00 off so because of that, we were in two different lines and he used this opportunity to pretend not to know me in the ticket line. At first, I thought, this is so cute, and was ready to give it up, but he kept flirting and pretending not to know me, so we made up names and peppered our conversation with little snippets of things only we know after being together for 7 years. The great thing about this is that we switched personas and pieces of each others story. That first brush of the hand near the popcorn was truly electric and it felt like the first time all over again. As a lifelong fan of “revisionist history” and “time space stories” such as Back to the Future, it was fun to play pretend especially because the longer we played the more I became convinced that we end up together in any timeline!
It was fantastic and I highly recommend you do it with your partner, because its very exciting to flirt with someone who already belongs to you!
Haston Helping Hands 