Author: TheBossOfBalance

Haston Helping Hands- Jenn Haston- Author, Speaker, Activist-Helping People Find Their Balance

It’s all in how you look at it-

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Dear Readers,

Roughly a year ago, I decided to buy a treadmill to take away my excuse to not workout and actually get in shape and be healthier. We already had the healthy eating thing going and were actively working on eliminating debt from our lives.

On Saturday I ran what turned out to be a 3K not a 5K but because my goal was a 5K, even though I saw the cheering fans and signs for beer and water I kept running till I got the 5K done. This sounds really inspiring and it is, but it took someone else saying it to me to get me to see it. Why is it that someone else has to say, “good job” or “Congratulations on that presentation” for us to recognize our worth?

So on Saturday, I walk/ran the 5th 5K I have done in a year. When I consider where I was this time last year, that is nothing short of amazing– a brief recap–

You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. -Zig Ziglar

The first one was January 18, 2014 – Vern’s No Frill’s 5K- I walked more than I ran but I did run for a while and hey as the guy writing times down said, “last place is asleep”

Second 5K was “The Biggest Loser 5K” and I ran it and walked it with my good buddy Susie Gidseg- my time for that was a little shorter and I felt exhausted after it was said and done but very accomplished

Third 5K was the color run which I ran walked with Jessica, Adam and their son Pierce which represents just a lot of fun, but for me, I hate being dirty or messy so I was breaking past a comfort zone on this one so it was less about exercise and more about mess but came together to represent both–

The Fourth 5K was “CASA Superhero 5K which was a huge milestone because my husband decided to do that with me for his FIRST 5K ever so I actually walked it with him and we created a Team “Haston Helping Hands” to help raise money for CASA http://www.casaforchildren.org It was very hot and probably the hardest 5K I have been until the 5th one.. which just happened-

The Fifth 5K was the “Trail of Lights Fun Run” which I don’t know how I got the notion it was a 5K but it’s not. It was a 3K which I discovered much to my chagrin as I saw the signs for the finish line when the voice in my ear said, “3K completed” “2 to go” so that was frustrating, it was at night as well which made it very hard to see, I was worried I was going to fall down at any moment and it really became the struggle to find a place to run amid strollers, walkers and gawkers! (it is Trail of Lights after all, some of that I should have expected) but I will know better for next time-

At the end of the day, my takeaways from all these are they each represent a 5K that I have completed, I intend to (deep breath) eventually run a marathon but its still pretty far off but as my life of late (baby steps, baby steps) have been celebrating the small steps that we take as we walk nay run in the journey of life. I need to make sure I stop along the way to appreciate that which I wanted to do and worked towards and not keep looking ahead to “the next thing”… very easy to get discouraged doing that so this is my attempt to avoid negativity and be positive. It’s worth noting that this time last year (I checked my social media log) I wasn’t working out consistently and now I work out 3 times a week most of the time.

I could get down on myself for not being further down the track but I am choosing to focus instead on the fact that tomorrow is Workout Day 89 and I am going to keep at it, because every baby step I complete gets me closer to Mile 26.

Think about it! 5KTrailofLights

Make Thanksgiving perpetual

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Dear Readers, Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! Now that the official holiday of Thanksgiving is over, I think its very easy to forget to thank people in the every day and being grateful for the little things. I have a love/hate relationships with this holiday.

I love that it exists to remind us that we need to be thankful, but I hate that it is necessary for a date on the calendar to tell us that. I am reminded of a quote by

Henry David Thoreau-

I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual. It is surprising how contented one can be with nothing definite – only a sense of existence. Well, anything for variety. I am ready to try this for the next ten thousand years, and exhaust it. How sweet to think of! my extremities well charred, and my intellectual part too, so that there is no danger of worm or rot for a long while. My breath is sweet to me. O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches. No run on my bank can drain it, for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment.”

― Henry David Thoreau

What can you do to make your Thanksgiving perpetual? There are so many things to be grateful for (way to much to fit the thankfulness into one day)

Think about it!

Model? Who me? oh yes, ME!

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Dear Readers,

I suffered a few setbacks in the world of entertainment lately. The goal is of course to “get the job” but you know sometimes (most of the time) it is not my call.

I, of course, think I am awesomely talented and right for most things (note I did not say everything) so while it SUCKS OUT LOUD to be rejected its a natural part of the process of being a performer so you do eventually get used to it. I capitalize that statement to emphasize how hard it is to be rejected but it really is an inevitable part of the process to be told NO over and over and over and over ad infinitum till you get the lovely glorious YES and trust me when I say its worth it when it comes so right now instead of focusing on the rejections and setbacks my intention is to focus on when the YES comes remembering all the NO that got me to my yes.

I will admit to being in a bit of a funk lately due to this and not so much my smiling happy self and am happy to report I recently snapped out of it with some counsel from wise friends and a liberal application of movie watching and chocolate consumption.. (sounds fancy, doesn’t it?)

It was a refreshing change of pace to move from NO to YES while modeling last week with a really great photographer. Pictures to follow this post and I was reminded of how much fun it is to be praised for having a talent.. who knows, maybe I will get picked up for a modeling contract which will lead to a movie contract and so on and so on.. really anything is possible, not likely but possible.

So if you are reading this, please take heed of my advice and focus on your next YES that is coming and be patient, it is coming, I promise!

Think about it!Modelingismylife

Pay it Forward Whenever You Can….

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On Halloween, someone hit my car in a hit and run and as I walked towards my (fully paid off car) I squinted in the sunlight and thought that’s odd, I don’t remember that dent or those white marks and as I got closer I realized someone has hit my car and I started to get really angry as I approached.

Then I noticed a white piece of paper on my driver side door which pointed to my windshield where someone had scrawled a note that said, I hit your car, I am so sorry, here is my insurance information and my phone number please call me so we can figure out the next steps. I was mollified by this while remarking to myself on the irony of the car being paid off and NOW it gets hit. I was thinking about it and saying you know, it’s not a whole lot of damage and I have been there before about 7 years ago and when the person reported the accident my insurance went up by a very large amount and it was just a small dent and life has been very good to me lately (see that paid off car!!!) so I decided to let it go.

I called her and talked to her and let her know that I wasn’t going to pursue it. She was so relieved and thanked me profusely, she also insisted that I let her buy me lunch (we work in the same building) which she is doing today. So a situation that could have been negative has now turned positive. I think that is a story and a message worth sharing.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating you not report people in an accident where major damage and bodily harm are done, life is life and sometimes horrible things happen but I think that in a case like this one, you can afford to let some things go. I am all the happier for it and wanted to encourage you to find a way to “Pay it Forward” today.

Think About it….

Modification does not mean FAILURE

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Dear Readers, 11 days ago I set out to do a month long cleanse “back to paleo” – with the goal of running continuously in the upcoming Turkey Trot. The reasons for this were myriad but mostly it was because I gained 10 pounds in one week (stress eating and cheat day has become cheat three days and then eat paleo) and it scared me. So I made a decision and after eating one last glorious pint of Haagen-Dazs Sunday, October 26th, and some very yummy cheese I went full on paleo.

Guess what, I am on Day 11 of the all paleo all the time diet and its working but it is easier than the last time we did this.  I realized I wasn’t going to be able to do the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving, I am not going to be ready and we have family coming to visit on that day so I need to be home to work on the dinner (something I never thought I would say) but things change.

So, my new goal is to make it to Day 14 of the cleanse and then eat some stuff that I love.. like chocolate and pasta and other yummy things not allowed on the diet mainly because life is short and I don’t want to deprive myself. I think in the past, I would have regarded this as a failure but now I see it as a modification.

Another modification is to walk/run the Trail of Lights on December 6th. I also think that the paleo cleanse I am on now will help me to eat less of the yummy things on cheat day… but only time will tell… I promise to be real and honest with you, my readers because while I want to motivate and inspire, I also want to be authentic and vulnerable. It’s one thing to say, okay I am going to eat all paleo but to accomplish it that’s awesome and I am patting myself on the back right now. (virtually)

So I pose these questions to you-

1. What are you working on right now?

2. Can you think back to a time you sacrificed ? Was it worth it? Why or why not?

3. Do you find that you have to consciously eat healthy or does it come easy to you?

Think about it!

Passion! Don’t turn it down, turn it UP!

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Hello dear readers!

I have gotten my share of requests to “calm down” , “be quiet”, and “stop being so intense” but you know what? That is a big part of who I am and why I am me and why I have made mistakes (which I have learned from) and why I have had successes small and large.

Saying things like “awesomesauce” and “YAY Rock Star Parking” It makes me a better friend, it makes me a better leader, and it mostly makes me a better human. So in turn, I say to you, be passionate, love what you do and if you don’t love what you do, figure out a way to find things about it that you love and focus on the positive aspects and minimize the negative as much as you can.

My biggest passion in life is not settling and I truly believe that its something we should all aspire to the best life possible.

My passion for life, led me to start writing a blog two years ago and that passion  led me to ask others about their blogs and led to me writing a guest post about my marriage to Jeremy for the wonderfully passionate Chelsea Turner Avery of The New Wifestyle-

Here is an excerpt:

“We both have an incredible work ethic and are not afraid to work or struggle to reach a goal. We communicate very well but even six years later it is still a struggle to navigate that communication and I think that still surprises me. We have a good marriage but we both work hard at it and actively invest (read books, read blogs and listen to other successfully married people) for how to best protect our marriage from harm and to strengthen it for years to come.”

The New Wifestyle Profiles | Jennifer’s Marriage

So what is the point of all this?

Be excited, be passionate, and remember you are so much greater than you give yourself credit for and people need YOUR passion to help inspire them and in some cases give THEM permission to be their most excited self.

Marianne Williamson said it best-

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Think about it, what would the world be like if we all were liberated from fear?

Imagine the possibilities!

A Clean Slate

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Dear Readers,

Sometimes when we least expect it everything changes.

I am talking about life and its ever changing twists and turns.

People say that you are friends for a season, a reason or a lifetime. I tend to lump people in the lifetime group right away, sure that this friendship will last forever it’s a leftover habit from my youth when I wanted every relationship to last on and on because I was searching for that kind of belonging.

As I have grown older and dare I say wiser, I have realized that friendship truly is a a two-way street. To borrow a phrase “It’s advanced citizenship. You gotta want it”- That means both people have to call, write or heaven forfend even text from time to time. It’s a little surprising to me that not everyone wants to be my friend or make efforts to do so but through the years I have come to treasure the ones who do and let the ones who don’t, slide. Does it hurt? You bet. But it’s far more painful to leave the relationship on life support and keep hoping the other person will wake up to the reality that you are doing all the work and they are just sitting there not paying attention and not treasuring your time and friendship. Your time is important, it’s the only commodity that you can’t get any more of so don’t waste it on people who don’t deserve it.

This post is not a happy one but it’s real. I try my best to stay honest with my readers and even when something isn’t great, I share. This is my point in writing.

If you have a relationship that is toxic or otherwise anemic, take stock and figure out if its worth fighting for or if its time to work on something else that makes you feel good instead of meditating on that which is fruitless. Give yourself the opportunity to get a clean slate. Don’t you deserve that?

I am normally not an advocate of giving up, but sometimes its the right call.

Baby Steps, young grasshopper, they will lead you to GOLD!

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Dear Readers, I had a phenomenally successful acting class last night.

I have been in a 2 year program for acting with the Meissner method and this is the 2nd month of the 2nd year and last night things clicked .. but it was NOT magic. It was a series of habits done over and over and with precision that led to me acting “in spite of myself”. If you don’t know anything about Meissner, don’t feel bad, it’s not necessary for you to know it unless you take this class. I have had so much frustration, angst, and finally joy from this class and it has made me realize how passionate I am about being an artist from head to toe.

I am an actor. Period. Really. There used to be a “Yes, I am a an actor, but you know, not working right now or yes I am an actor with a sideways glance and a hint of not shame but a little bit of embarrassment because its hard to explain what you do when you are actor to people who aren’t actors. Not to generalize, but most people think acting is easy, I am here to tell you it is not  but the truth is, I am working harder than I have EVER worked and its wonderful. It’s hard, trying and soul-discovering work. I didn’t realize how many parallels there are to good acting and good living.. Let me explain. Since taking this class I have learned a few things about myself and I will bet they apply to you too.

1. Be patient with yourself and curious about others-

My acting teacher said this last year over and over and I didn’t really understand it but now I do. Being patient with yourself is the nicest thing you can do for yourself. Being curious about others allows you to learn about them and not judge them or if you judge them, figuring out why.

2. Baby steps yield you a harvest of gold.

Last night’s success was built on many baby steps of learning lines, doing character analysis, rehearsal, flubbing lines, being in the moment, really listening to my partner to hear what she was saying not just picking up cues making it real for myself.

3. You are not perfect, stop trying to be.

As a self-proclaimed perfectionist, this one still sucks. I want so much to be perfect or have the best scene but all I can do is show up and see what happens.

I think this is good life advice too, show up and see what happens.

Think about it…..

Loving yourself enough to see yourself

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Dear Readers,

I have a reputation for being a perky Pollyanna which is deserved but there are times when even this “turn your smile upside down” girl struggles to keep it happy.

Today is one of these times. I heard two Ted Talks back to back about how we are failing our young women by continuing to hold an ideal standard to them as “the” way to be. Specifically there are teenage girls posting pictures of themselves on the internet and begging to be judged “Am I pretty” and the comments back are vicious and unkind.This makes me sad and angry because its completely avoidable. The teen should not have to post pictures to get feedback from strangers. She should be able to get this from family and failing that friends and teachers.

One of these talks started out by saying there was a time when we were children that we loved ourselves so much that we blew kisses to the mirror, thoroughly pleased by what we saw and the thing I am writing about today is why and when did it stop. When do we stop loving ourselves “just as we are” no qualifiers or “if only” statements. I have made great strides in this area in just the last year and I am 37 so I will admit to a major struggle with this. Even today, as I write this, I took a picture earlier that my immediate thought was, “ugh, look at my legs” cheerleader but I am posting it anyway because that is what I see. I don’t know what everyone else sees. It comes down to perspective. My husband would say, “that is my gorgeous wife” Joan Ellen would likely say, “that’s my girl, all grown up”.. so what exactly is my problem? What standard am I holding myself to? The answer is nothing. I don’t have a comparable person to compare myself to because I am me and no one else can be me.

All this self-reflection makes me stop and think, when was the last time I fully loved myself (besides the pin up photo shoots) and blew kisses in the mirror? I certainly never did that, but I do remember when I had a new dress and I was quite pleased with myself. It was velvet and green and had matching ribbon and I remember twirling in front of the mirror and saying “whee” — I think we could all stand to say “whee” more. It’s kind of silly but heading to my treadmill last night, I blew a kiss to myself in the mirror and plan to do more of that, I think we could all stand to love ourselves more.

Think about it!

The phone is the thing… (with apologies to Master Shakespeare)

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Dear Readers, I am ashamed to admit it, but I love my IPhone…..

I have a checkered past when it comes to technology. I never really liked it much until the day I got my IPhone. I was working for Apple at the time June 29, 2007 and got it for free (my favourite word) and was all set to sell it as passage for my trip to France but just a few clicks of the button I saw how intuitive it was and how easy it was to use to check email and facebook and of course stay in touch with my nearest and dearest and it was fait accompli, and quell dommage, I did not make that trip but I had made a new friend.

It sounds weird and feels even weirder to call your phone your friend but how else can you explain the sorrow I felt Monday when upon trying to charge my phone getting a red lightning bolt and it felt hot to the touch and no charge to boot which means the phone doesn’t work. Let me say that again, it doesn’t work, which means you can’t call or email or facebook or tweet or use a GPS to get places or look up your calendar to see what you are scheduled to do!

I am suddenly and acutely aware how much I use the phone to plan my day and get from point A to point B and to stay in touch. I do a fair bit of troubleshooting in my day to day life so I will tell you I tried several things. I tried taking the Kermit case off, and getting the charger more firmly seated and then turning it off all night – I also held it against the vent of my air conditioner to cool it off and then trying to charge it and that seemed to work but as soon as I took it off the charger it dropped from 100 to 68 and 31 and 24 and 2. A truly disheartening moment as you realize you are back to square one after 10 minutes!

So I took it to the Apple Store where the “geniuses” (even when I worked for Apple, I thought that was a LOT of pressure to put on one person) told me my battery is toast. I do not qualify for an upgrade as I did not buy the extended warranty. At the time, that seemed like a good call, as I pocketed the extra money and simply spent the 50.00 on my upgrade from Iphone3 to Iphone4s … way after it came out because let’s be clear here, I am NOT an early adopter and the idea of moving to a 5 doesn’t appeal to me let alone a 6. They said I need a new battery but it will take an hour to install, I don’t have that kind of time and I say I will come back another day.

I had to marvel at the irony as we all sat patiently at the tables waiting for our diagnosis (we make it sound so serious too!)  all the people with broken Ipad and Iphonage all were talking to each other, not texting, tweeting, facebooking zombies so as a fan of socializing that made me happy and it also caused an epiphany in me. Despite taking a few “unplugged” days off in July, I am rarely without my phone. That is a sobering thought, how much of my life am I missing because I am posting about it. I think I am more mindful than most but could always stand to improve in this arena.

So moving forward, I will seek to plug in more to people not my devices.

Think about it……..