Author: TheBossOfBalance

Dear Readers– Some of you know this already but I am a HUGE Sex and the City fan…. let me quantify that for you.. With a glance at a frame of the show, I can tell you the plot, season and title.. and even give you a line or two.. If that wasn’t enough to prove the statement, I can also tell you whether Sarah Jessica Parker was pregnant at the time of filming.. Yeah, I am a fangirl.. and in fact.. My wedding shoes were majorly inspired by the shoes she wears in the movie.. so we have now firmly established that I am obsessed.. Okay..so that’s done.

In 2008, I was working at Dell Computer in the sales department and I said to myself, I am going to be making some serious money.. so I am going to buy myself some Manolo Blahniks.. (they are the black ones pictured below) and of course I didn’t pay cash so I paid 500.00 (not the 485 quoted for them using a Nieman Marcus credit card that I opened just for the purchase.. I also spent more money on my other credit cards that day with the same mentality. I wound up making mediocre bucks at Dell because while I am good at sales, I HATE IT. I am ashamed to tell you it took me almost three years to pay off that purchase and while I definitely enjoyed those shoes….. but they were not worth what I paid.. especially when you consider that after interest I probably paid almost 1500.00 for ONE PAIR SHOES!

So I couldn’t help thinking about that when I returned to the “scene of the crime” this Sunday for the long awaited “Debt Free Shoe Shopping”– What is that, you ask?

Well let me explain, much like Carrie Bradshaw, I LOVE shoes. I have a lot already.. so much so that when we started really getting intense about eradicating our debt last year in March, I made a promise that I wouldn’t buy shoes or movies until we were out of debt. I will be brutally honest, I really thought we would be out of debt sooner.. but as it turned out.. we didn’t get debt free till November *see here for more details on that* (https://jenniferhastonsays.wordpress.com/2015/11/17/we-are-debt-free)

So it was a longer wait to go shoe shopping than I thought. Even more so when the car decided to have issues in December and I had to be a grown up.. (groan, when did that happen?) and pay for my car repairs instead of using that budgeted money for the splurge of shoe shopping.. but at long last I did in fact go shoe shopping with some close friends and it was great.. We started at Nieman Marcus where I had fun pretending that I was rich (s0meday!!) and after trying on hats.. I love hats and purses too… Then I went over to the Gucci counter and looked at 500.00 purses (on sale even!!) but did not feel tempted at all.. then meandered to the shoe department, the smell of new shoes was intoxicating and the carpet felt lush under my feet, and I thought back to all those years ago when I bought the shoes in the first place. I remember feeling like, this will be turning point for me, I will start making good money and be able to shop like this all the time… oh and I have a wedding to wear them too, oh and hey since I am here I will buy a dress too.. really scary how fact that thinking can get you into trouble. You can justify anything, if you try and I really did justify those shoes.. But back to the present, Fun fact, the Manolos that inspired my wedding shoes were there.. but they are now.. 8 years later.. 1000.00 not 500.00.. so we moved to another store. There may come a day when I am comfortable paying 1000.00 for shoes but I don’t really think its any time soon. So we went to another store and I spent 150.00 ( half my allocated budget by the way!) for three pairs of awesome shoes. The feeling of freedom I got knowing that a payment on these shoes does not await…  was incredible.. and made the finds that much sweeter! I love that I waited, it was hard, but worth it. I also LOVE my new shoes!!!

I really feel like its important to mention the need for rewards, we spent three years of sacrificing, saving, and scrimping and working extra jobs to get out of debt and along the way we did things like this (nothing this big before) to acknowledge that hard work.

The next thing we will do to acknowledge the hard work we have done is to take a road trip to Houston, New Orleans, Nashville, and St. Louis to see family and some sightseeing sometime in April. Stay tuned to this blog for that one 🙂

What goal have YOU (that’s right you!) been working toward that is “still in process” or close to fruition.. have you had a “milestone celebration” or “getting there award” If you haven’t, I recommend planning one.. it will truly help you stay on course.

That applies whether you are in graduate school, getting out of debt or losing weight.

You get to decide what your “shoes” are.. and plan it.. put pictures on your refrigerator, write it down and make it a goal, YOU CAN DO IT!!! It will just take time, hard work, and sacrifice!

Think about it!!!

Dear Readers,

Tuesday, January 19th is my birthday! I have a favor to ask of you……

In lieu of presents, I request that you do one “random act of kindness” between now and next Saturday and then tell me about it                                        That’s it.. no expensive jewelry or books or movies.. This is all I want..!

Make someone thankful for something YOU did!

I usually try to give ya’ll a little more notice.. but I was so distracted with The Voice audition I completely forgot!!

Please email me at jenniferhastonsays@gmail.com or comment below to tell me about your random act– It makes my birthday so much more fun knowing that other people helped other people that I don’t even KNOW!!!

If you need some help coming up with ideas.. (the internet will provide) but don’t be afraid to get creative.. if it will help someone smile.. do it!

https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/kindness-ideas

Think About It!

Dear Readers,

I am lucky to know a wonderfully sweet guy and a phenomenal world class speaker, Ryan Avery- This is his tagline and I thought it appropriate to use for this post since….. Drum roll please.. and deep breath and authenticity activated—

I am auditioning for NBC’s “The Voice” on Saturday and its a BIG dream.

I could use any of your comments, prayers, good vibes or anything you want to send my way. I have spent the last two years working diligently with my vocal coach and in tandem with a very intense acting program which has ABSOLUTELY made me think its possible even probable! (thanks Richard Robichaux) and I feel as ready as I ever have been for an audition. My husband wouldn’t want the credit but I will give it anyway, his unwavering support and steadfast faith in me has increased my faith in myself so its with that confidence that I stand ready.

The advice I keep getting is to be myself and go “KILL IT” so that is what I intend to do. The hardest part is writing about this and building hopes and positive thinking and “maybe, maybe, maybe” and getting myself built up to it and what if it doesn’t happen? I prefer to think this way.. What if it does?

As Ryan says, “DREAM BIG” so I am doing EXACTLY that!

What would be DREAMING BIG for YOU?

Think about it….

Dear Readers,

Every blog I have read today is talking about taking stock, changing, and resolving to do better or newer or slimmer or something of an -er nature for the New Year.

I want to ask a different question.

What will you say goodbye to in 2015? More importantly what will you say hello to in 2016?

I can’t answer that for you, only you can. Only you know what you are truly ready to say goodbye to.. and what you still really want to hold on to.

For me, I have already said goodbye to a few things.

Debt- We became debt-free this year and will whatever necessary to stay that way.

Self-doubt- Okay, I can’t really claim to say goodbye to it but I am sure going to do all I can to kill self-doubt moving into this next year.

Discounting myself- This is a bit tough to explain but basically any time I decided someone else’s feelings were more important than my beliefs, that ends tonight at midnight.

I called this post, new year, new book.. this is because I saw a great image that said… “this year is a 365 page book that hasn’t been written yet – Make yours a good book.. I like that.. I also like the fact that every day is a page to write on…. which means each new day, while a cumulative effort, is also a brand new blank page.

Every day is chance to start over, but I invite you, take stock, figure out what you are ready to say goodbye to and what you want to say hello to in 2016.

Think about it…..

Dear Readers,

I know its not even Christmas yet and I am already bugging you about goals.. well not really. I am telling you to stop and take stock of what you have done. It may surprise you how much you have actually accomplished. A picture truly is worth a thousand words… 🙂

A short but certainly not comprehensive list for me-

1. We got out of debt (three year goal)
2. We got a dog (five year goal)
3. Helped 3 people get jobs as a result of my coaching business
4. Developed professional development training and hosted an interactive seminar for over 130 people
5. Completed Advanced Manual for Toastmasters (two year goal)
6. Chartered the Toastmasters club at HomeAway (three year goal)

I give you this list not to brag.. Okay, cards on the table time…..

I am bragging, but I also tell you this to inspire YOU to pat yourself on the back for what you have done and stop beating yourself up for what you have NOT done.. and remember that ever important word.. YET.

Hey, Jennifer, have you run a half marathon?

Not yet. but I will

Hey Jennifer, have you gotten on NBC’s The Voice as a contestant on Adam Levine’s team for the 2016 Season?

Not yet, but I will (stay tuned for a future blog)

Hey Jennifer, have you gone skydiving?

Not yet. But I will.

Hey Jennifer, have you run a half marathon?

Not Yet… but I will..

You get the drift– What have you done in 2015? Take stock and think about all the things that went well and don’t wallow in what did not happen.

A good friend reminded me, whilst setting goals for 2016, don’t forget to take stock of what you got DONE in 2015. Take a minute to breathe that in, and THEN make your to do list for 2016.

What is your “not yet”…?

Think about it!

Dear Readers,

See that face? ^^^^^^^^^^^That was the face of the person who lost approximately 50 pounds in preparation of a totally awesome photo shoot– for more on that.. see here-https://jenniferhastonsays.wordpress.com/2014/01/23/former-fat-girl-to-pin-up/

But that was a while ago now— On Cyber Monday, I tried on some jeans and got pretty depressed when they didn’t fit.. so I ate some ice cream. I didn’t work out the next day because I was sad. Then I got sad about the fact that I was disappointed in myself. (pretty vicious cycle, no?)

Last week, I had some Taco Bell because it was convenient and it actually made me sick which I am really grateful for because that means I am giving up fast food. I got to thinking about it and truly fast food hasn’t ever made me satisfied.. it’s just fast and easy. Yesterday, I was eating at the Toastmasters Potluck and I had a second plate and then a third.. this morning I woke up and said.. enough is enough.. No more diets, but a lifestyle change. I will change the way I view food and up my exercise and give up soda. I have done it before, I can do it again. The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?

Today I reached out to a friend of mine who does fitness training to admit that I have bit by little bit stopped losing weight and in fact gained a lot of it back. To clarify for you and to record the truth and point out the numbers for measurement sake….

I have gone from a size 14-16 to 20-22 which makes me really unhappy.

I had setbacks.. My back needing help (May-August) and me exercising less (just didn’t FEEL like it some days) did add to the problem but really its been bit by little bit, too much chocolate, too much pizza, just too much food in general that is tasty and good but not good for you.

I HATE that this is true. But beating myself up about it doesn’t help. It NEVER does. I tell my clients this all the time.. make a plan and follow it, if you don’t succeed, reframe and begin again.

Its easy advice to give, but oh so hard to follow- I am taking my own advice and being transparent with you, my reader in hopes that it helps you to face something you need to be brave about today.

So here is my plan, I have signed up for the 1020 race that happens in March. I did it last March and mostly slow trudged that bad boy but by golly I did it. As the Schmidt’s say ( who got me into running ) “if you don’t have a race to train for, you aren’t going to run.” How true!

Secondly, I have a plan to work out more than once a week, and I am working on scheduling another fabulous photo shoot in March which I feel gives me some time to really work on getting back into shape. We are debt-free now (Its sexy when you say it so I will say it again) We are DEBT FREE NOW…. so I will have to budget for it, but I am really excited about having it in to look forward to!

Thirdly, I am telling you about it, accountability partners matter in this game we call life and asking for help. Help can take many forms, the one I find most helpful, is not negative which is “You shouldn’t eat that” but something like, “You know, I read your blog and does this short-term action (eating a cookie) match up to your long-term goal (healthy heart, body and mind) ? Even easier? when you see me post about working out or moving towards that goal of the 10 mile walk/run. hit like or comment some encouragement. I really thrive on encouragement.

Caveat—There will be moments of indulgence. I still think the cheat one day on paleo works.. but you have to stick to just one day.. and that is the plan.

What do you need to be brave about sharing, doing or feeling?

Think About It…..

Dear Readers,

Last week I wrote about the need to really see/feel/hear/examine the bad things when they happen to you and others. I talked to my good friend, Rachel about how mindfulness is not the “Pollyanna approach” = This is someone who says.. “The sun is shining! (when you are in the middle of a tornado) not really realistic but positive..not to mention rather foolish to insist the sun is shining when a tornado is imminent.

It is vital to feel what you REALLY feel and not squash it down. This is HARD. It’s far easier to paint over how you feel and make allowances for how it could be worse. I spend a lot of time doing that, and only recently realized that while an serviceable coping mechanism it does not always work to resolve the issue I am facing.

Last night, I found myself feeling sad and needing to cry so I did. There are a multitude of things to feel sad about which I won’t share here, as they are still being processed, but I also knew I needed to feel sad. I usually reach for the phone to call my Mom or my husband for comfort but yesterday, last night in that moment, I needed to feel sad and NOT ask for comfort. It was a new experience for me. I cried a little, I wrote some of those thoughts and feelings in a journal and felt better. I also sent a letter to myself in the future so I could remember how I feel today and project into the future a time when I will NOT be sad.

If you want to do that too.. here is the address-https://www.futureme.org/

I guess you could say I comforted myself by allowing myself to feel bad. I did have my mom in my head saying, “When was the last time you cried, maybe you need to cry?” and you know, as usual she was right.

So I come to you today, and ask.. Is there something you NEED to cry over, gnash your teeth, scream to the heavens about? Go ahead and do it.. FEEL what you FEEL—– another piece of sage advice from my mom.. “Go ahead and go to the pity party.. just don’t stay there”–

In a nutshell, give yourself permission to FEEL how you FEEL and then DECIDE what you want to DO about it. I think the tendency in life is to not share that you feel bad, everyone wants to look good and show they have it all figured out… but I am going to say just the opposite:

So go ahead, feel what you are really feeling, I give you permission.

THINK ABOUT IT….

Dear Readers!

If it sucks say so, don’t try to color it with “it could be worse” or “well at least…”

I have been going back and forth about this for a few days and I finally decided to to just tell it like it is and say this sucks. Period.. No qualifiers, no positive spin. I am very much a fan of spin but now is not that time.

First, I found out this week that I have to get dental work done… after having a great check up and feeling GREAT about things. I could easily say, at least its two teeth not four.. but I don’t want to. I want to wallow and be hacked off (and I AM) that even though I put in all that work brushing and flossing and paid rapt attention to my teeth, I still have to get them worked on because I have inherited bad teeth and try as I might this still plagues me, I am in charge of what I can do about it, but it allows me limited control which for those who know me is also something I LOVE. (insert heavy sarcasm here)

Second, we just PAID off our car which is awesome, and we had a great time with family and friends over Thanksgiving but on the way home we hit a deer (we are 100% fine) but it really damaged the car. We don’t know what will happen not sure how much the repairs will cost but right now I just want to be frustrated.

Third- A friend of mine is having a really rough time with her family at the moment and I have no good advice. All the words in the world will not bring comfort. It sucks OUT LOUD. I can’t help. I can pray for her and send her good vibes and hug her and cry with her but that is all I can do.

I usually use this blog to post about how life can be hard, but keep your chin up and how there is always a silver lining if you look for it.. but sometimes life sucks and you have to cry, scream or curse to get to what is next and that process can be days, weeks, months or even years.

I want to always be real with you and I have seen that kind of authenticity create magic and connection where there was none, people are much more willing to share with you when you share with them.

So what is my point? When someone tells you that they are upset, listen- Don’t just jump in with advice. Or if someone is crying, let them cry, don’t try to stop them. A song I have deep emotional connection to is “Sad Songs Say So Much” by Elton John – The lyrics speak for themselves

“The kick inside is in the line that finally gets to you and it feels so good to hurt so bad, or suffer just enough to sing the blues”

So be a gift to someone else today and listen to them or if there is someone you have been “meaning to call” pick up the phone and even if its just a text, let them know you are there.

Think about it…..

Dear Readers,

Today I am taking the time to say thanks- While tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I think its worth taking the time today to thank people and then tomorrow, focus on being with family and not worried about my blog.

1. I am thankful for my husband and our relationship. Its not perfect but its pretty great!
2. I am thankful to have health, not everyone does
3. I am thankful that we own a dog now, and am kind of amazed at how much it has enriched our lives in a short time
4. I am thankful to live in a country where I can express my beliefs and thoughts without fear of retribution
5. I am thankful for cranberry sauce and stuffing
6. I am grateful after three years of work and sacrifice we are debt free
7. I am thankful for good friends
8. I am thankful for family of choice spread across the map
9. I am thankful for the opportunity to give back to the community
10. I am thankful for my Mom who always has a corny joke to share to make me smile when things seem pretty hopeless
11. I am thankful for my niece Quinn and her super great hugs
12. I am thankful for my Toastmasters club and their constant striving for greatness (We are the Greatest Toastmasters Club in the Known Universe so that takes time and effort)
13. I am thankful to God who gave me the ability to write and speak and motivate others with this blog and speeches
14. I am grateful for the opportunity to work for a company where my enthusiasm is not only encouraged it is rewarded and applauded.

What are you grateful for? Considering that we all have things that are rough in our lives, sometimes its hard to find that “happy” but in most cases if you scratch the surface you can quickly find something to be grateful for and focus on that, not the negative.

Bonus points— If you are having trouble finding the “happy”- Might I suggest you try this.. http://100happydays.com/ I am on Day 63 and I have to say it has made me much more grateful for the “little” and “big” things!

Think About It……