Author: TheBossOfBalance

Dear Readers,

I have been doing a LOT of thinking about Family lately with the SCOTUS ruling and no, I am not going to get all political in your face about it, but I will say I am very happy about it. If you aren’t happy about it, let’s talk, I seek to understand before being understood since I find that works better than ranting at someone, “You are wrong, and you just don’t get it” – but I digress–

My childhood was not a happy one. There I said it, in fact, looking back on it, it sucked.

I didn’t really get the opportunity to be a kid and was forced to grow up pretty quickly for a myriad of reasons. I try my best not to focus on the past because its full of pain but I find it necessary to reflect on it to tell you about something great that I recently experienced.

I went home to New Orleans last weekend and visited with my family of choice and ate some great food with my husband and it was wonderful, no guilt, no issues, and no DRAMA. One of my favourite things about my family of choice is they are sister, mother, and fathers to their own wonderful family of origin but it does not diminish their ability to be my family of choice. I actually think it enhances it. I am always grateful that they allowed me to choose them and I choose them again and again because they are loving., and respectful. That is not to say we do not disagree because there are times we do but the love, that is the overwhelming aspect of those relationships. So I pose this question to you, how do you define family?

Think about it!

Dear Readers,

Last night I had a flat tire.. well really it was a blowout and luckily it happened close to the side of the road so I was able to pull over and change it myself. but not really, because what I did instead was call my husband (who is amazing for so many reasons) who didn’t make me feel bad about it AT ALL and proceeded to take off his fancy dress shirt (did I mention we were driving back from a fancy event, always the way) and he changed it. I did TRY to change it myself because I SO WANT to be the person who knows how to do this but I don’t. I was able to get the jack out and other items and was working on it when he walked up and said, “do you want me to do it, or do you want to do it?” I said, “no, I am tired of this being something I don’t know how to do” and got the jack out and started slowly slowly slowly moving the car upwards so I could take the tire off and then replace it.. to complicate things a kindly stranger pulled up to help us with his hydraulic jack and I could have been stubborn but accepted it..Jeremy made the comment, “It goes against everything in my nature to let her do this” which made me all the more determined to do it, dang it!!! so got the jack to pull up the car (a lot faster than a manual for sure) and then pulled the lug nuts off.. at this point my back started to hurt and I cried Uncle and just gave in to the pressure of the two “men” who were ready to take it over and watched as they did what likely would have taken me at least 30 minutes to do in about 5.

I was feeling frustrated about it and shared that with my husband and he brought up the very good point, I have never been taught and every time I try, some guy walks up to help and its not that I don’t appreciate it, its just that I haven’t been strong enough to say, “no, I got this…. ” because I truly don’t believe I do. Which I plan to fix TODAY.

I am going change the tire on my car in my driveway tonight where there is no pressure, no fancy dress or anything else or anyone else to help.. no it won’t fix the embarrassment over last night or the other 4 times this has happened where I SWORE it would NOT happen again but it’s a start. I don’t share this lightly, I am embarrassed and I am sure my feminist friends are pretty ticked at me, but I swore to be honest with you, my readers, and that is what I am doing.

I think we all have gaps in Life Training and its our job to actively seek ways to fill them. For example, until I turned 33, I did not know how to budget or balance a checkbook, I do now. I also did not know how to cook, I do now.. So really, this is just a skill I haven’t learned yet.

Think about it, and think about ways to fill your own gaps TODAY! –

Dear Readers,

As I was watching my niece yesterday, she was coloring a beautiful rainbow of colors and I asked her, “what is that?” and she replied “cking” so that is either chicken or duckling but I am not sure which and you know what? That is okay. It is 100% okay to not fully KNOW what something is especially in the creative process.

Yes, she is 2 and I am 38 but you know the lesson remains the same. It doesn’t actually matter what it is, it just matters that I asked. It just matters that you ask someone ( about their creation ) what is that and REALLY be okay for the answer to be,

“I don’t know yet”

Life is a lot like that if you think about it.. we are constantly creating and defining things and sometimes the question doesn’t have a concrete answer and that is okay too.

While you are at it, reframe how you think about creativity.. it can be either the way the table is set or the way this photograph was taken..

Think about it. 

Dear Readers,

We all wear “being busy” like a badge. It’s true.. the last time someone asked you how you were, I bet you said something like, “busy, but good” or “busy”.. but I beg the question, “what are you busy doing?” If you are me, that answer might look like this.

I am busy working full-time and being a wife, aunt, daughter and friend. I am also working hard to make our new place a home, not just someplace we go at the end of the day. This does not come naturally to me, as “domestic goddess” is a new label I am trying on…. This is not to brag on me or my accomplishments but to rather have you take stock of your own “busy”

Are you busy saying yes to things you would rather not do? Remember sometimes we have to say yes to ourselves by saying no to others.

Are you keeping friendships that don’t deserve the effort? Sometimes this practice can go on for years, unchecked, I beg of you don’t support friendships that don’t support YOU. YOU deserve better! YOU PROFOUNDLY MATTER, don’t spend another second with someone who doesn’t believe that. Life is entirely too short.

Or are you busy living the life you want, striving for the things that matter to YOU?

Think about it!

Dear Readers, This was a Fabulous question asked by one of the seasoned people in my Toastmasters club during Table Topics this week.

As table topics go, its pretty deep, and I think that every time I speak (thanks to my good friend, Ryan Avery) I do strive to “Not give a speech” but “give a message from the heart” so I touched on some things that have made me realize I am an adult lately but that question can be taken in so many ways so thinking about it I wanted to answer it here.

I know that my life is changed because recently, when coaching someone, I felt my own spirits lift as they “got it” and I can feel good about doing work that matters every day.

I know that my life has changed because now instead of worrying about having enough, or overdraft fees or personal power outages we look for ways to give to others with our time and our money.

I know that my life changed because when I play with other people’s children, I no longer think to myself, “NEVER” I now think “Someday…” and smile.

I know that my life is changed because I am loved and love many and that was not always the case.

I know that my life has changed because this picture of me as a cabaret girl exists, I would have never have had the confidence to do that kind of photo shoot without weight loss and a very healthy body image.

How do you know YOUR life has changed?

Think about it…..

Dear Readers,

So last week I posted about saying no to others and saying yes to yourself, yes to “me time” and not planning so danged much.. I did okay until people started asking me to hang out and do things I enjoy but I realized as I said yes to some of the things NOT ALL OF THE THINGS (like I normally would) that like everything else we are doing, it’s about the baby steps… one step at a time, slowly, slowly, I will get to the place where I do less and do more things just with myself and by myself.

I stopped to think about it and think the last time I did truly nothing and I couldn’t. So on Tuesday after a very productive conference call and lots of unpacking of the new house and cleaning of the old house and running ragged all day, I just went WHOA, I am done.. so I took a shower and put on seriously fuzzy socks (many of you know my penchant for those) and pajamas and sat down and watched mindless sitcoms on Netflix and just enjoyed. I did take a call from my Mom, but you know I love talking to her and just as I am learning how to take things slowly and slow the HECK down- aka STOP DOING ALL THE THINGS! she reminded me that she has the same issue but the key is take it slow and do less. So one plan a week with friends, and one date night with the husband, and one night for cleaning, etc…

It was a good reminder and after we hung up, despite being tempted to unpack another box or do the dishes I just sat and lounged doing NOTHING.

IT WAS AWESOME!

I need to remind myself of that, and take comfort in the fact that “Rome was not built in a day” and all the other cliches about things taking time. It truly does take 30 days to build a new habit and I am excited to get started!

Think about it!

Because I am only human, I posted a picture of some of the handiwork that comes from unpacking 🙂 ENJOY! oh and drink wine when you unpack, so much more fun!

Dear Readers,

Recently I realized I am doing too much aka saying yes to way too many things.

Let me give you the run-down.

1. We are packing and moving old place

2. Working full-time

3. Unpacking and organizing new place

4. In Toastmasters where I am very active as a mentor

5. Working on chartering a new Toastmasters club at work

6. Training for a 1/2 marathon

The list could go on but you get the gist. So I think my body just decided, Nope I am done because I haven’t exercised in weeks and have eaten not at all paleo, this is not me getting down on myself, just telling the truth as I have pledged to do.

So I realized that something has to give and that something is my very active social life. Let me explain, over the last few months I have gone to see shows, have coffee, dinners and all things social pretty much continually and its only now that I have pledged to commit to fully unpacking and organizing the new place before doing ANYTHING else that I am fully understanding how much of that time was planned out to be somewhere else.

However this is a yes to myself because knowing that our space is more organized, daresay CLEAN and TIDY.. perhaps that will lead to me wanting people to come visit us instead of always going somewhere else. The old place was cute but this one is nicer and more importantly, safe for me to invite people with kiddos and without!

SO what is the point, you ask? Simple. Time is the only non-renewable resource, if you squander it, its gone. So be mindful of your time, figure out where you are spending it and DECIDE if you want to do the things you are doing or just blindly saying YES when you might need to say NO.

Think about it……